DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old nursing student in college. I'm a "people person" and everyone says I'm easy to talk to. According to my friends, I am pretty, smart, funny, etc., but I have never had a boyfriend.

I was extremely sick throughout high school and during my early college years, and spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. I missed not only a lot of schooling, but also learning some of the basic social skills most people my age have mastered when it comes to dating. It has been only during the last couple of years that I have been healthy enough to even consider dating, and now I have no clue what to do.

I am naturally friendly and sometimes guys I'm not interested in think I'm flirting with them. However, when I try to flirt with a guy, it never works. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and my friends all gave me different advice. Do you have any tips for me, Dear Abby, on how to let a guy know I'm interested? -- LOSING THE DATING GAME IN FLORIDA

DEAR LOSING: Yes. Be your outgoing, friendly self with everyone. Don't be afraid to smile and make eye contact. That's the way you let others know you're interested. The problem with "trying" to flirt is that it can come across as awkward and aggressive, which can either bring you the wrong kind of attention or scare a man off.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 38 years. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs or chase women. He's a good guy. But ...

Twenty years ago we stopped giving each other gifts on all occasions because he didn't like shopping for me. I let him off the hook and said I didn't really mind. However, on his birthday I take him to his favorite seafood restaurant and bake him his favorite cake. My birthday gets forgotten.

There is a special dessert that I love that is found only at a bakery across town. I have told him for the past 10 years how much I'd love that dessert for my birthday. He has never once bought it for me. I feel it's like he's telling me I'm not worth the time or money. For such a small thing, it hurts my feelings a lot. Am I being silly? -- SLIGHTED IN INDIANA

DEAR SLIGHTED: You're not being silly. You were being silly when you told your husband 20 years ago that you didn't mind if he ignored your birthday and other special occasions, because it wasn't true (or perhaps the effect on you has been cumulative). So, open your mouth and tell your husband -- in plenty of time for your next birthday -- exactly what you want from him. If you don't, you'll get the same thing you have been getting, which is nothing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and in junior high school. When we all came back after a break we were greeted with the news that one of the students in our class had died. We were only told that the death was "ruled an accident," but nothing else. Is it wrong or disrespectful to speculate what happened to our classmate? -- CURIOUS IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR CURIOUS: Speculating is neither wrong nor disrespectful. When people are given no information, it is normal for them to wonder. After the death of your classmate, I'm surprised grief counseling wasn't offered to help you and your fellow students deal with the loss, because that is what should have happened.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended the wedding of the son of some old friends in another state. Rather than buy the young couple a gift, we instead gave them a check for $1,000. Imagine our astonishment when a month later the following arrived in our mailbox:

"Dear 'Loretta' and 'Evan,'

"Thank you for the generous donation. We really enjoyed spending that money. If ever you feel like you have too much of it, we would gladly take it off your hands.

"Love, 'Mason' and 'Candace'"

Abby, my husband and I have worked hard for many years in our business and have been blessed by the Lord. We are not millionaires. We were happy and humbled to be able to share with them -- until we received this. The money wasn't a donation; it was a gift. -- STUNG IN SIOUX CITY

DEAR STUNG: Let's hope the note you received was an unfortunate attempt at humor. While the message may have gone over like a lead balloon and I'm sure the parents would be beyond embarrassed if they knew, at least you received a thank-you for your generosity. I hear from many people who complain that their gifts were not acknowledged at all.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers takes company research presentation books into the restroom with him multiple times a day and spends upwards of half an hour in there with them. The unsanitary implications of this drive me batty.

I am not germophobic, but taking shared materials into the bathroom while you're doing your business is just too much for me. It's not like he's taking in a newspaper that can be tossed out; these are research materials that we must all share!

My co-worker told me I need to "get over it," that this is a "me" issue. Am I crazy or is taking shared workplace materials into the bathroom gross and inappropriate? -- WAITING FOR E. COLI TO KILL ME

DEAR WAITING: You are asking the wrong person this question. You should be asking the head of human resources or your boss.

I'm no germophobe either, but I agree that what your co-worker is doing is extremely inappropriate. You should not have to sanitize your hands after touching anything your co-worker might have touched, but that's what I'm suggesting you do.

DEAR ABBY: I have many problems, but my biggest one is, how do I forgive someone so I can move on with my life?

It would take me forever to tell you everything that has been said and done. Forgiving sounds simple, but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Can you help? -- CHALLENGED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CHALLENGED: If hate and resentment are eating away at you, then it is probably healthier for you to let go of it. Forgiving someone isn't doing something for someone else; it is a gift you give yourself that allows you to move forward with your life. Your religious adviser can help you -- or, if you prefer, a licensed mental health counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I was surprised to see you equate a concerned grandmother's creative solution to smoking with bribery in your Feb. 14 column. The word "bribe" has a negative connotation. What the grandmother did was offer an incentive, not a bribe, that will benefit her grandchildren in the long run. I think the woman should be congratulated.

Now for a disclaimer: When my daughter was 14, I came up with the same idea in the form of a wager. I bet her that if she could resist peer pressure and not become a smoker by the time she was 21, I would buy her the dress of her dreams. To my delight, she won the bet. By then she was studying to become a marine biologist, so instead of a dress, the money went toward a wetsuit.

At 43, she's still a nonsmoker and she has now made that same bet with her children. It's the best money I ever spent. -- RETIRED CLINICAL SOCIAL WORKER

DEAR R.C.S.W.: Oh me, oh my, did I get clobbered for my response to that letter. Out of the hundreds of letters and emails received, only one person agreed with me. The rest were smokin' mad. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In my many years as a school psychologist, I have counseled hundreds of parents and teachers about dealing with behavioral issues in children. I often make the distinction between a "bribe" and a "reward" by describing a bribe as something you give someone to do something dishonest, while a reward is given for doing something commendable. What she did was reward their good choice in not developing a potentially fatal habit. -- OLD-SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST

DEAR ABBY: When you give someone money for something that has already been completed, it's a paycheck and not a bribe. It was pointed out to me that few of us would continue to go to work if we weren't paid for it, and those grandchildren were being paid for "work" that was already completed. It's an important distinction that may be helpful for parents and other adults to understand. -- FORMER SCHOOL PRINCIPAL

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your answer! What that grandmother did was reward her grandchildren, not bribe them. A lot of pressure is put on teens, and it takes considerable willpower and maturity to avoid some of these temptations.

At 16 or 17, it is hard for them to imagine being over 30, and none of them can imagine being 60 or 70 with lung disease. Hooray for grandparents who can help them avoid adopting a life-threatening habit in any way they can! -- GRANDMOTHER IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: I told my son I would give him $1,000 at the age of 21 if he didn't smoke. It wasn't bribery. It was a great tool to combat peer pressure. Whenever he was offered a cigarette, he could simply say he had a better offer. Not only did it work, the other kids were envious. -- MICHIGAN MOM

DEAR ABBY: My pre-teen daughter was devastated when her maternal grandfather died from the effects of emphysema. In spite of it, she took up smoking in her teens. We threatened her, grounded her, took away privileges, even tried guilt trips. Nothing worked. Her choice to smoke was influenced by her peer group.

I would have mortgaged our home, sold our possessions and borrowed money from the bank if I thought I could have altered her choice by bribing her. By the way, she has been diagnosed with pre-cancerous cells, but even this hasn't been enough to cause her to quit. -- WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING