DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 and for 10 years I have been struggling with controlling parents. They have cut two of my sisters out of their lives because they live closer to their spouses' parents.

My husband and I are full-time students, ex-military and taking advantage of the G.I. Bill. We're looking for jobs, but my parents have threatened not to speak to me if we take jobs closer to his parents. I'm trying to be fair to both sets of parents, but we can't stay unemployed because of this issue. We have a family to support.

I tried reasoning with them, but I'm unsure how to proceed. Dad called and offered my husband a job in my hometown. We declined because if we accept, they will expect us to live near them. Please tell me what to do. I don't want my family to fall apart any more than it already has. -- SMOTHERED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SMOTHERED: If you feel smothered now, imagine how it would be if you and your husband were economically dependent on your parents. No part of your lives would be separate from them, and you would be completely under their control. Holding the family together is not your responsibility, and you should not sacrifice your independence in an attempt to do so.

Your parents' emotional blackmail has already driven away two of your sisters and their families. I assume you have relationships with your siblings. I'm advising you to maintain them and live your own lives. With time, your parents may realize they haven't isolated their children; they have isolated only themselves.

DEAR ABBY: Today I saw a former classmate I hadn't seen in 22 years. He always seemed a little slow and different from the rest of us, and he was picked on at school because of it. When I said hello to him and reminded him of my name and that we went to school together, he said, "You danced with me at prom, and I always thought that was so nice!" I had forgotten that I had danced with him, but obviously, the fact that I did meant something to him.

My parents raised me to be nice to everyone, even if they weren't in my circle of friends. I'm not claiming that I was a saint in school, but I did try to stand up for people who were being picked on.

I wanted to share with your readers that any act of kindness probably means more than you know to the other person. I will be sharing my parents' message of kindness with my own daughter, and I hope other parents read this and do the same. -- PASSING IT ON IN OHIO

DEAR PASSING IT ON: Thank you for a wonderful letter. Your lesson in compassion is one that all parents should discuss with their children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl who will be job searching pretty soon. I have never felt the need to wear makeup in my day-to-day life, but now I'm wondering. Is it unprofessional to go into a workplace sans makeup? Will future bosses think I don't look put-together? I wonder if any other girls my age are having the same confusion. -- READY TO BE OUT THERE

DEAR READY: It depends upon what kind of job you'll be searching for. If you plan to work with the public, you should try to look your best at all times. For your interviews, you should be neatly, but conservatively dressed. And as for makeup, you needn't apply it as though you were going on stage, but a touch of color wouldn't hurt.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, I began to lose my hearing due to a genetic disorder and now I have to wear hearing aids. I will be a freshman in high school next year. My teachers all have to wear microphones so I can hear them.

I'm scared other kids will make fun of me for being different. I have already gotten laughed at. What should I do? -- EMBARRASSED TEEN

DEAR EMBARRASSED TEEN: When people laugh at a person who has a disability, it is usually out of ignorance. Because this happened at school or another place where there is adult supervision, you and your parents should talk to the principal or person in authority so that person can speak privately with the guilty parties and explain why your hearing aids and the microphone are necessary. Your parents should also have a meeting with the principal of your high school before you go so the problem can be avoided.

When I was in grammar school, a classmate of mine had severe hearing loss. Because the students understood what her problem was, she was never ridiculed.

P.S. Making fun of a child who has a disability is a form of bullying, and should be treated as such.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 25 and have been with my husband for nine years, married for four. I cheated on him twice. He caught me both times.

Even though I strayed, he decided to stay. But now he treats me like I'm a child and a prisoner. He took away my phone, my Internet and I can't go anywhere. He says this is my punishment for what I did. Do I really deserve that? I know we're both wrong, but is he more wrong? -- BROKEN WIFE

DEAR BROKEN WIFE: From where I sit, you are equally wrong. How long ago did the cheating incidents occur? If they are recent, you two should be in marriage counseling. If they were long ago, then you must decide if you want to live the rest of your life being treated as a child and a prisoner.

Your husband doesn't trust you because you haven't been trustworthy. But taking away your phone and Internet and keeping you under lock and key will not help you to rebuild it.

You two need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, and I hope you will seek it. If he won't go for counseling, you should go without him because I don't think the status quo can last.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 25 and have been with my husband for nine years, married for four. I cheated on him twice. He caught me both times.

Even though I strayed, he decided to stay. But now he treats me like I'm a child and a prisoner. He took away my phone, my Internet and I can't go anywhere. He says this is my punishment for what I did. Do I really deserve that? I know we're both wrong, but is he more wrong? -- BROKEN WIFE

DEAR BROKEN WIFE: From where I sit, you are equally wrong. How long ago did the cheating incidents occur? If they are recent, you two should be in marriage counseling. If they were long ago, then you must decide if you want to live the rest of your life being treated as a child and a prisoner.

Your husband doesn't trust you because you haven't been trustworthy. But taking away your phone and Internet and keeping you under lock and key will not help you to rebuild it.

You two need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, and I hope you will seek it. If he won't go for counseling, you should go without him because I don't think the status quo can last.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and brother-in-law passed away two years ago. I am the only living relative of their 28-year-old son, "Louis." He is a loner, spoiled and a poor houseguest. I invite Louis over only because I don't want him to be alone at holiday times. My husband, teenage daughter and I have nothing in common with him, and frankly, he spoils our holidays.

How can I stop inviting my nephew without feeling guilty? Or is there another solution? I hate to make waves. -- HOLIDAY HATER IN CANADA

DEAR HOLIDAY HATER: If you invite your nephew for fewer holidays you will be able to ease your conscience, enjoy more holidays and allow the young man a chance to become more proactive in planning entertainment for himself.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest son came out to me as a gay man in a private conversation. I have no problem with him being gay; however, I do have a problem with the fact that he has asked me not to tell anyone. He isn't ready to come out to anyone else. I tried to advise him that until he is true to himself, he won't be happy. My son says if he comes out to anyone else, it would "hurt so many people."

I will keep his secret, but there is a young woman he is living with and planning to marry, and I do not believe this is fair to her or her child. He is not happy being a gay man, and that's why he's choosing to live a lie. He was raised in church and feels like he is betraying God by being gay.

How can I support him and lie to this young woman he is with? My son is so confused. How do I help him and keep his secret at the same time? -- ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your son may not be "happy" being a gay man, but that is who he is. For him to keep a secret like this from his fiancee, who plans to share the rest of her life with him, will be more hurtful to her if he goes through with the wedding than telling her now.

Help him by encouraging him to seek counseling through an LGBT community center. It will be strictly confidential, and there is nothing he can tell them they haven't heard before. He has already cracked open his closet door by disclosing his sexual orientation to you. This tells me that on some level he wants to open it all the way.

He is fortunate that he has a parent who is as accepting and wise about life as you. Continue talking to him and encourage him to talk more with you. It may help him to become more comfortable opening up and to accept reality.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town where traffic isn't much of a problem. Recently, though, a young man was killed in a car wreck. He ran into a semi because he was texting while driving. His final text was to a friend who had asked if they could get together for a night of fun.

As a rule, we look down on people who drink and drive, as this is unacceptable in today's world. But we do nothing to drivers who text and drive. Please advise your readers that no message is worth dying over. Last night there was another traffic accident caused by the same thing! -- ROBERT IN KILGORE, TEXAS

DEAR ROBERT: Sadly, that "night of fun" will have to be postponed indefinitely. Sometimes it takes a tragedy (or two) to wake people up because they're operating under the delusion that they are the exception to the rules of the road or are invincible.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is in her mid-90s and in good health. She has no intention of dying soon, but asked me an interesting question. She has mileage points with a major airline and was wondering if she can use them for the "final trip" back to her home state for burial when the time comes. Do you know the answer? -- ONE-WAY TICKET

DEAR ONE-WAY: Your question is not only an interesting one, but it's a first. I contacted a spokesperson for a major airline who responded that his company does not accept mileage points as a form of payment for any type of "shipment." For her last flight, your mother would no longer be considered a passenger; she would be cargo, which is why her points idea won't fly.