DEAR ABBY: I was raised that a person's birthday is his or her day to do whatever he or she wants, but my wishes are being ignored by a close friend I'll call Wade.

For the last 10 years I have ignored my birthday and tried to avoid all celebrations. I'll take a vacation alone and have a great time. My family understands how I feel and gives me no grief.

I met Wade five years ago. He's a co-worker who has become a good friend. Wade has made it his goal in life to make me celebrate my birthday. I have tried being nice about the presents and even a surprise birthday party one year, but I really prefer to be left alone. I never told him my birth date. He had access to HR records and found out on his own.

He says I am "rude" for not letting him celebrate my birthday. Other than this issue, he's a great guy. Advice, Abby? -- NON-OBSERVANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR NON-OBSERVANT: Wade may be a "great guy," but he appears to be insensitive when it comes to respecting the feelings of others. Before your next birthday, "remind" him that you prefer not to celebrate or acknowledge it. A good friend should listen and respect the other person's wishes instead of trying to impose his or her will, and don't be shy about saying so.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of four sisters. Two of my sisters, their husbands and I want to plan a trip to Italy. We do not want to include our fourth sister and her husband. None of us like him or can forgive how he abused her in the past. For her sake, we tolerate him at family gatherings and holidays, but none of us want to be with him for an extended period. We also don't think his health would allow him to do a lot of the things we want to do on this vacation.

How do we plan this trip while excluding our sister and her husband without hurting her feelings or causing a big family blowup? Should we just not mention it? Or should we tell her she's invited but not her husband? Please advise. -- SIS IN A PICKLE

DEAR SIS: Secrets like this have a way of getting out. It might be a slip of the tongue by one of your sisters or their husbands, or some other relative who knows about the trip.

Surely your sister knows how you all feel about her husband, so it won't be a shock if you tell her she is invited but he is not. Under the circumstances I doubt if she will join you, and there will probably be hurt feelings. But sneaking this past her would be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster, and I don't think it would be long before she finds out anyway.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for nine years. I worked until 2010, and then quit to be a stay-at-home mom to our two small children.

Because I no longer work, I watch what I spend, but my husband never lets me forget that he is the wage earner. When I want to spend money he always says, "What's in it for me?" or, "What do I get?" I feel like this degrades me. Why does he do this to me? -- STAY-AT-HOME MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR STAY-AT-HOME MOM: Your husband may say it because he feels stressed or resentful that he is the sole wage earner now. The first time it happened you should have responded that "what's in it for him" is that his children have a full-time mother, which the majority of children today don't have, and "what he gets" out of it are offspring who have a mother rather than a caregiver raising them.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter died in a car accident two years ago. She and her boyfriend, "Reed," had a 4-month-old daughter, "Angela." Since then, Reed has been very understanding and liberal with visitations. However, it didn't take him long to find another girlfriend, who has a 4-year-old daughter I'll call Madison.

The first time I went to pick up Angela, the new girlfriend hinted strongly that I should also take Madison. I didn't like it, but I took her. Abby, Madison is the meanest, rudest child I have ever met. She called my dad ugly, my daughter ugly and my house "stinky." I saw her push Angela down and laugh. Then she tried to smother my granddaughter by sitting on her head on the couch. The last time I brought Angela home, Madison told me that everything I bought for Angela I had to buy for her, too.

I don't want to take Madison anymore. It has been difficult losing my daughter, seeing her replaced with a new girlfriend and now being expected to include an unpleasant "step-granddaughter" in everything. But if I don't take her, I'm afraid they won't let me visit Angela. Do you have any advice? -- ANGIE'S GRAM IN MISSOURI

DEAR GRAM: If you haven't already spoken to Reed and the girl's mother about her behavior, you should. Madison may act out because she's jealous of Angela and, among other things, she needs to learn better manners before she's included in any more visits. If she had pulled the shenanigans with me that she has with you, I would have taken her home immediately.

This is not to say that Madison should be permanently excluded, but you should have time with your granddaughter one-on-one. The same is true for Madison and her grandparents. You are not a built-in baby sitter, which appears to be how you have been made to feel, but nothing will change until you broach the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I feel fortunate to find myself with the love of my life at 24. "Josh" is charming, intelligent, a hard worker and a wonderful partner. I know we can achieve all the things we hope for. We have discussed where we stand on issues such as children, family, finances, living arrangements, etc. We are mostly compatible, and where there is tension, we work it through and compromise.

We are clearly headed toward engagement. He has picked out a ring and I want it badly, but I am hesitant. I am afraid I won't give him what he deserves.

I dated a man in college for three years. We talked about our future, made plans, and then I changed my mind. The pain I caused was terrible. I still regret hurting him, although I don't regret leaving. I'm afraid I will do it again. I'm so anxious I sometimes think I should bail now and cut his losses just in case. I don't think I will, but who can see the future?

My mother says I have always been obsessed with making the right choice. Am I being foolish and letting my anxieties run away with me? -- SUSAN IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR SUSAN: There are better ways to cope with your anxiety than "throwing the baby out with the bathwater." You are not the same person you were in college. You have grown and are obviously more aware of the consequences of your actions.

Because you are anxious about making a commitment to "the love or your life" -- someone with whom you have many things in common -- it's time to schedule an appointment with a licensed counselor to discuss it. It will be time and money well spent.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was married eight months ago. During the planning of the wedding, her fiance was very involved in every aspect of decision-making. Soon after the vows were exchanged, her new husband became cold and distant toward her. He would constantly tell her she made him miserable, and he allowed his mother to ridicule and berate her over things from her hair color to her cooking.

My husband and I kept quiet because we didn't want to interfere. About a month ago, he decided he no longer wanted to be married. Since then, my daughter has revealed that shortly after the wedding she discovered her engagement ring was a fake, and he insisted she pay for half the costs of the honeymoon -- which she did.

We're not wealthy people, so paying for their wedding was a stretch for us. I am furious that my soon-to-be ex-son-in-law sat and watched us spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, knowing full well my daughter was wearing a fake ring on her hand and then insisted she pay for half the honeymoon.

I wonder what his real motive was in marrying her. He shows no remorse and portrays himself as the "victim" for having married someone who couldn't get along with his mother.

How do I move forward and get over my anger and need for retribution? -- OUTRAGED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR OUTRAGED: Start by thanking your lucky stars that your daughter will soon be free of a husband who appears to be already married to his mother. Then realize that your daughter was married to a dishonest, verbally abusive user to whom she might have been tied for a lifetime if she'd had a child or two with him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old gay man, and I still don't know if I want to have children or not. I feel that by this point I should know, but I don't. When I date, the subject inevitably comes up, and I never know how to respond.

I used to think that children were an expense I would never want, but now the thought pops into my head from time to time. People have told me I'd be a great dad. I think so, too.

When and how will I know for sure? And in the meantime, what should I tell the guys I date? -- UNDECIDED IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR UNDECIDED: It is not unusual for a person your age -- regardless of sexual orientation -- to be unsure about taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. You will probably know "for sure" you want children when you are in a stable relationship and financially able to provide for them. In the meantime, tell the guys you date that you "think" you would like to be a parent one day -- but you're not yet ready to set up a nursery.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 29-year-old male. Is it normal for me to be dating a woman who is in her mid-50s? I really like her, and she likes me, but sex seems to be an issue because she is hesitant to engage with someone who is my age. In her words, she is old enough to be my mother and it's "weird." What are your thoughts? -- JAY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JAY: It's unusual for a man in his 20s to be dating a woman that much older, but it's not unheard of. It is more common for the reverse to be true. Remind her that the age difference hasn't stopped some men from doing it, and we're living in the age of equality.