DEAR ABBY: I met the woman of my dreams about a year ago. Her husband had died about two months before our paths crossed. She has two teenage daughters I'm very fond of.

I have a history of alcoholism and she's a hoarder. A week ago, I had an "epiphany": I am desperately trying to quit drinking for my own sake.

Abby, I am a clean freak living with a hoarder. I come home from work and get depressed and stressed from looking at all the clutter. It is driving me insane. I feel like it is triggering me to stay drunk every night.

I don't want to lose this woman and her family, but I can't co-exist in this house. I have left several times, only to miss her and go back. I'm trying to kick the booze, but I know I won't be able to achieve sobriety while living in this house. -- TRULY TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TRULY TORN: If you quit drinking only a week ago, it is important that you find an AA group to help you hang onto your sobriety. That's step one.

Next, realize that you and the lady you're living with may share a similar problem. You say you are a "clean freak." This can be a symptom of an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Hoarding can be a symptom of the same disorder.

The International OCD Foundation is a reliable resource that may be able to help you both. It offers individuals with this disorder the support they need to manage their symptoms, and has many local chapters. You can locate it online at www.ocfoundation.org or reach it by calling 617-973-5801.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe you would like to pass this on to the parents of teenage boys. It worked for me when I had the sex talk with my sons. I knew their brains had not yet fully developed. They thought they were invincible and had an "it could never happen to me" attitude.

Because money seems to be the one thing at that age they can relate to, I decided to turn it into a mathematical problem: I told them that if they got a girl pregnant, they could figure on a minimum of $300 a month child support, multiplied by 12 months for 18 years. (That totals $65,000 -- unless the girl has twins, which would double the amount.)

Then I told them if they were tempted to have unprotected sex, they should look at the girl and ask themselves if they would pay her $65,000 to have sex with them. If they couldn't answer yes, then they needed to walk away.

Abby, it worked! No grandchildren appeared until after they were married. Feel free to share this with other parents who would appreciate a "non-traditional" approach that is effective. -- TONY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TONY: Gladly. I'm passing your technique along because money is a great motivator, and your idea makes "cents."

DEAR ABBY: My roommate insists that undershirts should be washed right-side-out. I say as long as you're using detergent and bleach, it doesn't matter. Who is right? -- MR. CLEAN IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR MR. CLEAN: I don't claim to be a domestic goddess, but I don't think there is a right or wrong way to wash undershirts. I have heard, however, that washing garments inside out will prevent lint buildup on the outside, and in the case of denim, less fading.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wade," and I went into a convenience store near our home that we frequent regularly. A new employee -- a pretty, much younger girl -- stared at Wade with an expression of recognition and surprise on her face. When I asked him what that was about, he laughed it off and said I was "imagining things."

The next time we saw her, Wade acted nervous and started talking fast, as if trying to distract me. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her. She ignored me while obviously trying to lock eyes with Wade. The third time, she again ignored me but smirked and giggled while we were checking out. Then she shouted, "See ya later!" to my husband as we were walking out the door. When I turned, I caught Wade glaring at her.

When I asked why he did it, he replied, "I looked at her like that because she was acting like an idiot." When I asked why she'd be acting like an idiot if they didn't know each other, he started screaming at me. He called me crazy and threatened to leave me if I bring the subject up again.

Should I ask her why she seems so amused by my husband? And why is he angry at me? -- SMELLS SOMETHING FISHY

DEAR SMELLS: By all means ask because I'll bet she is dying to tell you. Your husband may have been seeing her or someone she knows. He attacked you because he felt guilty about something and didn't want to discuss it.

It proves the truth of the adage, "The best defense is a strong offense." Believe me, you have my sympathy, but you need to get to the bottom of this, so don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: What do you call additions to your family that result from second or third marriages? Our daughter died several years ago. I refer to her widower as my son-in-law, but what term should I use when I introduce his new wife? She has two daughters from a previous marriage -- sweet girls who call me "Granddad." Technically, they are not my granddaughters -- but what are they?

These are just two examples of modern relationships that seem to require a new vocabulary. I have tried searching the Internet for answers without luck. Any suggestions? -- FAMILY MAN IN TEXAS

DEAR FAMILY MAN: When introducing your late daughter's husband and his wife, try this: "This is my son-in-law 'Sam' and his wife, 'Virginia.'" If you're asked for clarification, which I doubt will happen, give more details. As to the woman's daughters who are not blood related to you, because they call you "Granddad," refer to them as your granddaughters and leave it at that.

DEAR ABBY: Where does the priest get the ashes for Ash Wednesday? -- MARY IN VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR MARY: Traditionally, palm branches from the previous year's Palm Sunday are burned to create the ashes, and those ashes are retained for the next year's Ash Wednesday. Some people keep the palm fronds from the last Palm Sunday tucked behind a cross or a religious picture in their home and bring them to be burned. I have this on good authority. (When I told a priest I would have guessed they were left over from the Inquisition, he laughed.)

DEAR ABBY: Before we met, my girlfriend got large breast implants. I think they're a terrible turn-off, but I don't know how to tell her. Should I try to overlook this because I love her, or can I tell her the truth about why our love life is sometimes not so hot? I have known her long enough that the next step is marriage -- or nothing.

She walks around the house bare-chested and obviously thinks I find her breasts a big turn-on. I have faked it for five years. What should I do? -- NOT THAT EXCITED IN COLORADO

DEAR NOT THAT EXCITED: Your letter is a lesson about the danger of "faking it." Level with your girlfriend, but without using the words "terrible" and "turn-off." Tell her you love her, but while many men find large breasts to be a turn-on, you actually prefer smaller ones -- to the degree that it sometimes affects your sexual performance.

Explain that if she thinks her breasts are what have kept you interested, it's not the case. At some point, one or more of her implants may need to be replaced, and she might opt for smaller ones.

DEAR ABBY: I moved to Australia 10 years ago. It has been a fantastic adventure, but I feel drawn home. Complicating things is the fact that I have a same-sex Australian partner. Because gay marriage is not federally recognized in the United States, he has no possibility of legally emigrating there. His skills are not sufficient.

To move back to the U.S. would destroy my home, which is a happy one. On the other hand, I come from a large, close family and my parents are entering their 70s. I miss my family and my culture every day, and feel torn between my family in the U.S. and my partner in Australia.

I have felt this way for a few years. I feel unable to settle down and start living or feel comfortable in my life until I work this out. The thought of not being around my family in the long term is unbearable. The thought of leaving my partner is equally painful. I have tried in vain to find an answer and feel overwhelmed. Help! -- TRANS-PACIFIC READER

DEAR TRANS-PACIFIC: I don't know your financial situation, but why must this be an "either/or" situation? You're happily settled in a beautiful country and enjoying a loving relationship. I assume you also have a well-paying job.

Your dilemma might be solved by visiting your parents more often, particularly since their health is still good. If that changes, you could return to the U.S. for a more extended period. Until the laws in the U.S. regarding same-sex marriage change, that's what you will have to do unless you're willing to sacrifice your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper to tip your tattoo artist or piercer? They provide a service, just as a hairdresser would. I have never seen this addressed before. Your input would be helpful. -- CURIOUS IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR CURIOUS: Tattoos and piercings are considered works of art, and it's not unusual for a customer to present the artist with a gratuity commensurate with the degree of satisfaction the person feels with the results, the time it took to create it and the intricacy of the design. In lieu of money, sometimes gifts such as art books, spiritual artifacts or jewelry are given to the artist.