DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old daughter became pregnant from a guy she had dated only a few months, but never seriously. After weeks of wondering what she was going to do, she decided that terminating her pregnancy was the best thing to do considering she has limited income and still lives with me. I, however, am pro-life, although I do feel that in cases of rape or incest it is acceptable. My daughter knows how I feel about this. I supported her in her decision, but did not agree with it.

Abby, I have taken this really hard. I have cried every day since she had the abortion, and I'm torturing myself thinking this is my fault because I went against everything I believe in when I supported her in her decision.

Why am I beating myself up about this? Is it because she's my daughter, because I am pro-life or both? How can I stop blaming myself for her decision? -- TORTURED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TORTURED: The decision about whether or not to terminate the pregnancy wasn't yours to make; it was your daughter's. Being pro-life, you have your own convictions, but you acted as a loving parent should -- you supported your child. If you feel you could benefit from counseling to help you through this, ask your doctor for a referral.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a disagreement and I'm wondering if you could weigh in. We keep a handgun hidden in a locked safe in our bedroom. (An access code is required to open it.) We also have a 1 1/2-year-old daughter.

On the recommendations of a co-worker, we recently hired a baby sitter whom we used for an evening while we attended a party. She seemed like a nice young lady.

My problem is, when she arrived, my husband immediately announced that we had a gun upstairs. He felt it was her "right" to know. I think, because the gun isn't accessible, the information was useless to her and actually may have put our family in danger. How do we know she won't mention it to someone who will target us for a break-in in order to steal it?

To me, having a (secured) firearm in our house is no one else's business but ours. What do you think? -- NOT THE WILD WEST

DEAR NOT THE WILD WEST: I think you are correct. This is a subject that should have been discussed before the young woman was hired. Your husband exhibited poor judgment by sharing what should have been confidential information.

DEAR ABBY: My colleagues and I are concerned about a close friend and co-worker. He insists that it's not against the law to read books while driving. He says he does it only on highways because everyone is going the same speed and direction and you only need peripheral vision.

In every other aspect of his life, this man follows the rules to the letter and is a highly respected teacher. Is it true that this is legal? -- CONCERNED IN OHIO

DEAR CONCERNED: Of course not! A distracted driver who is reading books is at least as dangerous as one who is eating, texting, applying makeup, shaving or talking on a cellphone. This "highly respected" teacher doesn't have my respect; he's a menace on the highway.

DEAR ABBY: Is there such a thing as non-physical sexual abuse? When I was young, my father would fondle my mother when I came to sleep with them when I had a nightmare. (She would rebuff his advances.) He would also watch porn in front of me.

As I matured, he made comments about my figure. He would barge into my room without knocking and insist he didn't have to knock. He'd tell dirty jokes or talk about sexually inappropriate things. (The day after my wedding he asked my husband how our wedding night had been.) But with all of this, he never touched me or assaulted me.

His actions affected my self-esteem and relationships because as I grew up I thought the only thing I had to offer was being sexy. Thankfully, therapy and my husband helped me to see myself as a fully dynamic person.

I recently began seeing a new counselor who thinks my father was just a dirty old man -- nothing more. Was I abused? Any information you have would be appreciated. -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: When a parent attempts to initiate sex or watch pornography in front of a child, it is sexualizing behavior and it could also be considered "grooming" behavior. Your father's actions were so far out of the normal boundaries that they were off the charts. And yes, it was a form of abuse. My advice is to change counselors.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is mentally ill, homeless and on meth. A year ago, when she wasn't so bad, she asked if I would take her 3-year-old daughter, "Lucy," so she could get herself together. Unfortunately, she went the other direction.

It was fine when I thought that the arrangement was temporary, but when I realized I would be raising Lucy as a single parent at 49, things got hard.

My so-called friends have abandoned me, and so has my much younger boyfriend. But what is actually killing this is that I get no respite. I am an extreme introvert. Constant contact drains me. When I don't have my "recharge" time, I tune Lucy out, and the next thing I know she has cut up the curtains or hidden my shoes. I'm afraid I'm just going to lose it. Work doesn't count; there are people there, too. Bad thoughts are going through my head because I feel such resentment.

I know if I had time for my own mental health, I could be a good surrogate mother to Lucy, but if I can't, I'm starting to think I may have to give her up, and that breaks my heart. I want to scream, to throw things, to just leave the house and walk until I drop. Please help me. -- END OF MY ROPE

DEAR END: How much time do you need to recharge? Would it be an hour or hour and a half at the end of each workday? Would an afternoon during the weekends suffice? Have you discussed this with Lucy's grandfather or her paternal grandparents? They might be willing to get involved and lighten your load. Would a neighbor watch your grandchild on a regular basis if you compensated her or him? How about the person who already takes care of Lucy while you're at work?

Please explore these options if you haven't already. Screaming, throwing things and leaving the little girl alone are not viable scenarios. However, if you feel that you might harm her, it would be better if you placed her for adoption or in foster care.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s, happily married and financially secure. My husband and I have been discussing having children. My problem is my sister has been trying to start a family for three years, to no avail because she has infertility issues.

These issues run in our family, and there is a 75 percent chance that I will have the same problem. Should I talk to my sister about my trying to get pregnant, or wait until I'm pregnant and break the news to her then? Since I may have the same problem she's having, I don't want to discuss something with her that may never happen. Any thoughts? -- DON'T WANT TO HURT HER

DEAR DON'T WANT TO HURT HER: "Springing" news that you are pregnant would be more of a jolt to her than hearing that you're trying. I see no reason to keep this a secret from your sister. Because problems conceiving run in your family, talking about it might be helpful to both of you. If you do become pregnant, she may want to consult your doctor. If it doesn't happen, the two of you can emotionally support each other.

DEAR ABBY: After 20 years of marriage, I am now again in the dating world -- and wow, have things ever changed! What happened to the days when men would open doors, kiss your cheek, or try to impress you by sending flowers, complimenting you and chasing you to go out with them? Nowadays, the guys expect me to impress them, call them first, etc.

What are your thoughts on this? I have been on numerous dates, and out of all of them only one man acted like an old-school gentleman. Unfortunately, he was only 30. I'm in my mid-40s.

I'm not super-rich, but I have a stable job, good benefits and two well-behaved boys. What's wrong with me? -- NEW TO THE DATING WORLD

DEAR NEW: Nothing is "wrong" with you. In fact, if men still chased you, complimented you and didn't expect to drag you to bed in the late '80s and early '90s, you were lucky! Old-fashioned romance started dying out in the late 1960s and early '70s. As women became more aggressive, men became more passive.

If you like the way the 30-year-old man treats you, please don't let the age difference get in the way. Grab him, because his kind is now a rarity.

DEAR ABBY: On Feb. 5 you referred to someone as a "controlling, slave-driving witch." A lot of people in the Wiccan community, practitioners of Wicca, use the term "witch" with positive connotations. There are several slur words that I heard growing up that I would never dream of using these days because of how society has changed. Please help to spread the word.

It took years of fighting the system, but we are now recognized by the VA and included on headstones with other religious symbols.

And by the way, in our religion, the word "warlock" is an insult that means "oath breaker." "Witch" is a gender-neutral name. -- PROUD MALE WITCH AND VETERAN

DEAR PROUD MALE WITCH AND VETERAN: I hope that you and other members of the Wiccan religion will forgive my lapse, which was made out of ignorance. I used the term "witch" as a substitute for the word I wanted to use because my editors told me that referring to a woman in that way is not acceptable in family newspapers.