life

Boys Being Boys on Campus Flirt With Sexual Harassment

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 15th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman on a predominantly male college campus. One morning, while walking to a class, I had the misfortune of walking a few feet ahead of a pair of boys who were having an incredibly offensive and loud conversation about their sexual interests. It was extremely derogatory toward women, and just plain disgusting.

In a situation like this, would it have been inappropriate for me to turn around and say something, or was it better to just hold my tongue and walk faster? I have discussed this with some of my sorority sisters and we are anxious to hear your answer because I'm not the only one who has encountered this. -- OFFENDED IN GEORGIA

DEAR OFFENDED: You were right not to challenge them. Because this isn't an isolated incident, what you have described could be considered a form of sexual harassment. You and your sorority sisters should -- as a group -- bring this to the attention of the dean because you are a minority on that campus and the boys apparently haven't learned to function in an integrated environment.

Sex & Gender
life

Dying Spark In Otherwise Good Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 15th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Can a sexless marriage last? My wife and I have been married for 17 years and our sex life has been slowing for a long time. We have sex less than 10 times a year.

We get along great and are the best of friends. My wife is attractive and fun to be with, and I don't know what happened to us. What causes women to lose their sex drive? (Then they wonder why their husbands have affairs.)

My wife is in good health. There are no medical issues. We are more friends than lovers. I don't think she's involved with anyone else. I want a fun, active sex life, but I don't want to upset her or lose the closeness we have. It's just that I'm watching our sex life evaporate. Please help. -- MIKE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIKE: As women age, their hormone levels decrease, which can cause the sex drive to diminish. The reduced hormone levels can also make sex painful. If your wife would discuss these changes with her gynecologist or an endocrinologist, there may be a solution that would put some spark back in your marriage. However, that won't happen unless you are able to speak frankly with her about what's bothering you.

Marriage & DivorceSex & Gender
life

Understandable Change Of Career Plans

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 15th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been studying my whole life to become a classical singer. Many people have put great effort into helping me to succeed, especially my mother, who wanted to be an opera singer when she was my age. She is not a pushy stage mother, though. I chose to pursue music myself.

However, I have recently realized my heart is not fully in it and that I'd rather go to law school. I'm afraid to tell my mother and the other people about my decision because they have invested so much in me as a performer. I don't want to disappoint them, but my passion is now constitutional law. How do I share the news without breaking my mother's heart? -- SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE

DEAR SINGING: Your mother may be disappointed, but her heart will heal. If your passion is not in opera singing, the truth is you won't go very far in the field. (Even people who are passionate about it don't always succeed.) Wanting to be a lawyer is nothing to be ashamed of. Follow your dream.

Family & Parenting
life

Son Trades on Lies and Good Looks to Get What He Wants

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I need help and don't know where to turn. I am divorced and have a 37-year-old son, "Teddy," who has never married and has no children. He lives on his own except when he's in trouble or has nowhere else to go. Then he moves back in with me.

The problem is my son is a liar and has been ever since he was a teenager. He even lies when telling the truth would be better. I punished him every way I knew how when he was growing up. Nothing worked.

Teddy has been in trouble with the law in the past and is now in trouble again. Of course, he says he's innocent. I got him out on bond and offered to get him help. I also told him there would be no more money from me, and I no longer want to hear his lies.

Another problem: Teddy is extremely good-looking and women swoon over him. He ends up using them and then dumping them, and then they call me.

I don't know why he is the way he is. Is there treatment for people who can't tell the truth? Please tell me what to do. I love my son and it breaks my heart to see him do these bad things. -- BROKENHEARTED MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: As much as you love Teddy, it's time to accept that you can't fix what's wrong with him; only he can do that. It won't happen until he finally has to accept the consequences of his bad behavior.

Taking him in and bailing him out is not the answer. It also helps no one when you have long conversations with the women who call you, so protect yourself by cutting them short. Considering the kind of man your son is, thank your lucky stars that he has no children -- yet.

Family & Parenting
life

Family Treasures May Be Treasured By Historical Society

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My father recently moved to an apartment with no storage and I was left with 10 large boxes of memorabilia. Going through these boxes brought many tears of remembrance and new insights into the lives of my parents and grandparents.

My problem now is what to do with these things; I can scan photos and letters, but what about Great-Grandma's wedding dress (stained and moth-eaten), Mother's christening gown (too frail to use again) and the dear soft curl of hair from my uncle who died in childhood?

I don't have much storage room, and I'm not certain my children would even care about these things. Yet it doesn't seem right to throw them in the garbage. I wonder what other people do with treasured items that have no value beyond sentiment. -- SOFT HEART/PRACTICAL HEAD IN TACOMA

DEAR SOFT HEART: Do not automatically assume that your children would have no interest in the contents of those 10 boxes. Ask them. However, if they say no, then contact the state historical society or a local theater troupe and inquire if they would have any interest. You may be pleasantly surprised to find some of the items would be welcomed.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

To Wash Or Not Wash New Clothes?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are having a disagreement about laundry. When you buy new clothes that are still in the plastic wrapping, should they be washed before they are worn? -- JIM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JIM: It's a personal choice. Some garment manufacturers recommend that certain items be laundered before wearing. However, if they don't, I don't!

life

Wife Can't Forgive Husband Who Cheated on Her for Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 13th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 30 years and have raised four children to adulthood. I recently found out my husband has been having an affair with a prostitute from a strip club. He paid all her living expenses and promised to marry her. She was 26 when it started; he is 56. He told her his wife had run away with another man and that he was divorced. When I confronted him, he lied, lied, lied.

He wants to continue living together and pretend nothing happened. He went to counseling and quit. Then he went to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with a "mixed personality disorder." He says he wants to make up for his mistake with me, but all the while he was having unprotected sex.

I doubt he'll ever stop lying to me because he always has. I can't spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder because this has happened before, although not to this extent. He said he just "led a double life" and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He admitted he did it because he never thought he would get caught.

During this long affair, he was brazen, arrogant and abusive to me. Now he wants to be attentive, but he makes me sick. What do I do? -- CAN'T TRUST HIM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CAN'T TRUST HIM: Only you can decide that, but in order to do it rationally, without anger or vengefulness, I'm advising you to make up your mind after some sessions with a psychologist on your own. What your husband wants at this point is far less important than what you want. And why you would want to continue in a marriage to an abusive philanderer is something only you can answer.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Political Views Don't Have To Kill Romance

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 13th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been single for seven years. I met this guy, "Mark," about 10 months ago and we hit it off immediately. We have almost everything in common except that I'm a Democrat and he's a Republican. We both know how we feel about our political differences and decided to continue dating anyway.

My problem concerns my other gay friends, mostly Democrats, who don't like Mark because he's a Republican. I have tried explaining to them that we overlook our differences and concentrate on the many things we have in common, and they should try to do the same. But they no longer invite me to gatherings and their phone calls have ceased.

I feel hurt and rejected by my closest friends, some of whom I have known my whole life. I feel torn between them and Mark, who is someone I really care for. Is it wrong to continue my relationship with my boyfriend at the expense of my friends? -- POLITICALLY INCORRECT

DEAR POLITICALLY INCORRECT: Twenty-twelve was a particularly heated election year, with important issues at stake and negative campaigning bringing out the worst in many people. Now that the election has been decided, one would hope that inflamed emotions will settle down and life can return to normal.

I know several couples who have strong and happy "mixed" marriages in which the spouses do not always agree politically. It is a shame that you would be required to choose between the man you care for and your longtime friends, who want to ignore that there are also gay Republicans.

I see nothing wrong with continuing your relationship with Mark; however, I think it may be time for you to expand your circle of friends if this is how your old ones behave. You'll all be happier if you do. Trust me on that.

Love & Dating

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