DEAR ABBY: I have been married 30 years and have raised four children to adulthood. I recently found out my husband has been having an affair with a prostitute from a strip club. He paid all her living expenses and promised to marry her. She was 26 when it started; he is 56. He told her his wife had run away with another man and that he was divorced. When I confronted him, he lied, lied, lied.

He wants to continue living together and pretend nothing happened. He went to counseling and quit. Then he went to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with a "mixed personality disorder." He says he wants to make up for his mistake with me, but all the while he was having unprotected sex.

I doubt he'll ever stop lying to me because he always has. I can't spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder because this has happened before, although not to this extent. He said he just "led a double life" and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He admitted he did it because he never thought he would get caught.

During this long affair, he was brazen, arrogant and abusive to me. Now he wants to be attentive, but he makes me sick. What do I do? -- CAN'T TRUST HIM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CAN'T TRUST HIM: Only you can decide that, but in order to do it rationally, without anger or vengefulness, I'm advising you to make up your mind after some sessions with a psychologist on your own. What your husband wants at this point is far less important than what you want. And why you would want to continue in a marriage to an abusive philanderer is something only you can answer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been single for seven years. I met this guy, "Mark," about 10 months ago and we hit it off immediately. We have almost everything in common except that I'm a Democrat and he's a Republican. We both know how we feel about our political differences and decided to continue dating anyway.

My problem concerns my other gay friends, mostly Democrats, who don't like Mark because he's a Republican. I have tried explaining to them that we overlook our differences and concentrate on the many things we have in common, and they should try to do the same. But they no longer invite me to gatherings and their phone calls have ceased.

I feel hurt and rejected by my closest friends, some of whom I have known my whole life. I feel torn between them and Mark, who is someone I really care for. Is it wrong to continue my relationship with my boyfriend at the expense of my friends? -- POLITICALLY INCORRECT

DEAR POLITICALLY INCORRECT: Twenty-twelve was a particularly heated election year, with important issues at stake and negative campaigning bringing out the worst in many people. Now that the election has been decided, one would hope that inflamed emotions will settle down and life can return to normal.

I know several couples who have strong and happy "mixed" marriages in which the spouses do not always agree politically. It is a shame that you would be required to choose between the man you care for and your longtime friends, who want to ignore that there are also gay Republicans.

I see nothing wrong with continuing your relationship with Mark; however, I think it may be time for you to expand your circle of friends if this is how your old ones behave. You'll all be happier if you do. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I read the letter you ran on Dec. 21 from "Dateless in Dayton." We have a few thoughts on the matter we'd like to share with him and anyone else who is having bad luck getting responses on dating websites.

We are middle-aged and have been together for two years. Even though we deactivated our memberships in the dating sites we were part of, we still get emails daily that "'So-and-So' sent you a message." It appears these sites still show our profiles as active, allowing people to try to contact us. So it's entirely possible that the women "Dateless" has contacted were inactive or expired members who were never able to see his messages.

We would like to reassure "Dateless" that the problem may not be him. We would also like to encourage him not to give up on finding a mate. He needs to get out there and do the things he loves because he may end up meeting someone that way. If he covers all his bases and is himself, he'll do OK. -- HOPING TO BE HELPFUL, HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR HELPFUL: Many readers wrote to point out that the problem "Dateless" is experiencing could be more about the idiosyncratic subscription rules on some dating websites than about the writer or the women he is contacting. Other experienced users shared their stories:

DEAR ABBY: I can tell "Dateless" why he's not getting "thanks, but no thanks" notes from the women he contacts on the online dating service: Those women are most likely overwhelmed with responses.

Before I met my husband 10 years ago, I signed up on a dating site, then left the house to run some errands. When I came back a couple of hours later, I had 75 responses! I tried to answer all of them, but I kept getting more and more, so I finally gave up. I can only imagine how many responses women get today with online dating even more popular than it was then. -- SETTLED DOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: How long does one have to wait before determining the person isn't interested or just hasn't had the chance to respond? Many sites offer a simple button push that sends a message saying you are not interested. It appears people are simply taking the easy way out without any concern for others. And unfortunately, this doesn't happen only in online dating. -- DAVID IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to suggest that "Dateless" consider that many people don't check their dating site often -- or ever. I signed up on a site in August and stopped looking at it in October. Then I forgot my password and could never look again. -- OVER IT IN TAMPA

DEAR ABBY: Sadly for "Dateless," many of us women who are also attempting online dating have learned the hard way that any response can quickly encourage a stalker who emails us or sends instant messages relentlessly.

I consider myself to be a courteous person with Midwestern values, and I tried (initially) to politely respond to everyone one way or the other. It became exhausting because many of the men I sent a polite "no, thank you" to began demanding explanations, taking my reply as a "maybe" or insulting me for being stuck-up (and the communication quickly grew uglier from there).

So please tell "Dateless" that it's nothing personal -- we're just trying to avoid drama. -- PAM IN PHOENIX

DEAR ABBY: I am a semi-retired widow in my 60s. A few months ago I started spending time with a man I work with. We would see each other once or twice a month, strictly as friends. Our "dates" ended with a platonic hug.

About a month ago, a hug turned into an embrace. A week later, the embrace became a passionate kiss. Since then, whenever we get together -- now once or twice a week -- we spend a good portion of our time together "making out." We love the way each other kisses.

The problem is, we're still just friends. There is no desire on the part of either of us to take the relationship up a notch. What do we do? We should not be kissing a friend the way we do, but we can't seem to stop.

We're not hurting anyone. We have tried meeting only in public places, but there is still the goodnight kiss. I never thought I'd need this kind of advice at my age. Must we stop spending time together? -- FLABBERGASTED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Not in my opinion. I assume you're both eligible. This is the way relationships develop, and you would be foolish not to see where it leads. As of now, a kiss is still a kiss. Let me hear from you in a month.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new bride. I love my husband very much, but I've encountered a problem I don't know how to handle. My husband and I were together for six years before we got married and were engaged for three. We eloped to Las Vegas (it wasn't planned) and had a "proper" celebration with friends and family later.

My husband makes comments that suggest I dragged him and tricked him into marrying me. I know he's only kidding, but it's very hurtful. I don't know how to let him know his comments really hurt my feelings. It makes me feel like he's ashamed of our marriage. -- NEWLYWED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEWLYWED: The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The next time your husband does it, speak up. Explain that his attempts at humor are hurtful, not to mention insulting. Ask him if he regrets marrying you. (If the answer is yes, it's important that you know it now.) Clear communication is the key to a strong marriage, and so is respect for one's partner, which he appears to be lacking.