DEAR ABBY: I am in a county jail for parole violation. I am an addict, which is why I'm in this not-so-welcoming environment. I accept full responsibility for being here because ultimately it was my actions that guaranteed me confinement in jail. I read your column every day and find hope within it.

I have been struck with some not-so-good news while here. On a recent visit with my parents I learned my mother, who suffers from a variety of health problems, can no longer work. My father, who must work to cover the cost of her medical care, has been diagnosed with liver cancer.

This is very difficult for me. My father is my absolute best friend. I have to be strong for my mother. I want to scream and cry and sometimes lash out, but my inner adult (I'm 26) tells me that would be immature.

I don't feel like I have come to terms with my father's illness. Although I know what is eventually to come, I have yet to feel any emotion, good or bad. I'm not sure if I'm blocking it or if I'm being the strong-willed adult I was raised to be by my father and best friend. I was never raised with the "men don't cry" or "be strong for your mother" concept. Am I repressing my emotions? And if so, is there anything I can do to start dealing with this? -- JUST ANOTHER INMATE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JUST: All people do not react to bad news in the same way -- crying, screaming or lashing out. Some go numb for a period of time, until they are ready to process their emotions. Part of your problem may be that because you're incarcerated, you feel helpless.

Not knowing whether psychological counseling is available for prisoners in your jail -- or how effective it is if it's offered at all -- I'm recommending you discuss this with a chaplain. It would be a safe way to air some of the emotions you are struggling with. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a "yours, mine and ours" family. Between us, my husband and I have six children. I have been "Mom" for his three children since the oldest was 6. Fifteen years have passed, and I raised all of them as my own. Because the stress of such a large family has taken its toll at times, I have said I couldn't wait until everyone was 18 and out of the house.

Three of the children are on their own now and three remain. The youngest is 14. I recently took my 18-year-old son to the Air Force recruiter to take his entrance test and as I watched him walk into the building, I started to cry. I realized I don't really want them to go away.

I have been a parent since I was 17, and now -- at 40 -- I'm having a hard time imagining life without them. I'm afraid of having only my husband to keep me occupied. There has never been a time without kids around. I'm afraid it'll be like starting our relationship all over again, and he may not like what he sees. How can I get past the fear of not being needed or wanted anymore? -- ALMOST EMPTY-NESTED IN VERMONT

DEAR ALMOST EMPTY-NESTED: Instead of allowing fear or anxiety to drag you down, look at the bright side. Your nest will be full for four more years -- and if there is something about yourself that you see that you don't like, there is plenty of time to do something about it.

You are more than "just" a mother. Because your responsibilities as a parent have lightened, use the time to broaden your horizons and develop some mutual interests with your husband that you couldn't before. Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics -- so be a little kinder to yourself and consider what I have said. It is heartfelt.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you because I can share this anonymously. I am close to 60 years old and I'm terrified of the dentist. Every time I pick up the phone to make an appointment I get so anxious I feel like I'm going to die.

Do you think I will be able to find a caring, compassionate and nonjudgmental dentist? Are they out there? Sometimes I wish I could die instead of going to the dentist. Am I crazy? -- MRS. ANXIETY IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR MRS. ANXIETY: Let me put it this way -- if you're crazy, you have a lot of company. Many people fear going to the dentist. However, there have been improvements in the field since you were a child -- including sedation for people who choose "not to be there" while their dental problems are being attended to.

Good dental health is very important to our overall health, so please don't put off any further making an appointment. Tell the person who is booking the appointment what your needs are, and if that dentist can't accommodate you, ask for a referral to one who can.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a nanny for four families over the last 10 years. I am now working for a family of five. I don't make a lot of money, but I enjoy what I do.

My problem is all the gift-buying I feel required to do -- such as on the children's birthdays, Christmas and the mom's birth of more babies. My employer is expecting yet another baby this summer and her 3-year-old has another birthday coming up.

I'm tired of the gift-buying and really can't afford to do it anymore. When the new baby is born, I am tempted to just say "Congratulations!" Any suggestions? -- GIFTED OUT

DEAR GIFTED OUT: Yes. When the newest addition to the family arrives, give your employer a nice card. You should not be expected to come up with a gift. You are already giving these children loving and responsible care and that is gift enough.

DEAR ABBY: During the first year of our marriage, my husband cheated on me with women from his past as well as new encounters. When I confronted him, he promised to stop. He would then call and email these women, and tell them I was checking up on him and he'd contact them later.

This has gone on for years. He swears he's no longer cheating, and we have sought counseling -- which I stopped because the counselor and I agreed that my husband didn't think he had a problem.

When I confront him with my suspicions, he insists that I am "driving him away" by accusing him. He is very arrogant, and people who don't know him believe he's a great guy and I am the problem. I have considered revenge cheating, but it goes against my morals. I think about divorcing him, but then I think -- what if I am wrong? What if he really is being faithful? What should I do? I love him. -- UNSURE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: I agree that "revenge" cheating is not the solution to your problem. Hire a private detective and get to the bottom of this. If you're wrong, you need counseling to resolve your insecurities. However, if he's cheating, you will know you haven't been imagining things and can decide rationally if it's in your best interests to continue being married to a womanizer.

DEAR ABBY: While cleaning out my attic yesterday, I found a letter that my daughter wrote to you a few years ago when she was 13. She was responding to a poem that had appeared in your column, "Legacy of an Adopted Child."

She was going through a very trying time and was being bullied because she was adopted and looked very different from her parents.

My daughter is grown now and is a delightful, successful young woman. That poem helped her greatly. Can you reprint it for others? -- PROUD MOM IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR PROUD MOM: With pleasure. The poem is part of my "Keepers" booklet.

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

(Author Unknown)

Once there were two women

Who never knew each other.

One you do not remember,

The other you call mother.

Two different lives

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life

And the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you a seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you up --

It was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age-old question

Through the years:

Heredity or environment

Which are you the product of?

Neither, my darling -- neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

This poem is part of a collection of poems and essays that readers have repeatedly asked to be re-run because they hold special meaning for them. Some of the items had been saved and re-read so many times that they had fallen apart. Many readers suggested that the special column items be compiled into a booklet, and what resulted is "Keepers." It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. It's a quick and easy read for anyone who needs a lift, and is filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, both witty and philosophical. The "Keepers" touch on a variety of subjects and are a welcome gift for newlyweds, new parents, pet lovers or anyone recovering from an illness.