DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child (a boy) later this year. How do I teach my son to enjoy solitude and his own company? Too many people today turn on the radio or TV because they can't appreciate the quiet.

I want my little one to have loving friends, but also periods of quiet, reflective fun time by himself. My husband and I grew up with siblings, but he hates solitude while I find lots of activities to do by myself. I am never lonely. What's the difference between solitude and loneliness? -- SOLITARY WOMAN IN OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR SOLITARY WOMAN: The difference between solitude and loneliness depends on how an individual handles being alone. Some people find silence threatening, while others -- like yourself -- need it to recharge their batteries.

For your son to be at ease when he's alone, ration his television time. Read to him so he'll learn to appreciate the entertainment books provide. Give him items to play with that foster creativity, such as clay, paints and paper, a cardboard box he can pretend is a playhouse or a spaceship. (You may find he prefers it to whatever toy the carton contained.) If he's encouraged to use it, his imagination will flourish.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law, "Earl," is an alcoholic and an avid gun enthusiast. He owns many weapons; I don't know the exact number. He has been accumulating ammunition at an accelerated rate because he's afraid that large clips will soon be banned. He drinks to excess and becomes belligerent and angry when drunk.

Last summer, during one of his moments of inebriation, he shot a gun into the air as a "surprise" to the eight family members who were sitting within two to 10 feet of him. He takes pride in the fact that his guns are kept loaded, as "what good is an unloaded gun?" On two separate occasions, I know for a fact that a loaded gun was found unsecured in his home.

When my husband and I travel with our children, ages 7, 5 and 4, to visit his family, we stay in Earl's home. I feel the combination of alcohol and loaded, unsecure guns is not safe for my children. I have suggested to my husband that we stay in a hotel during our visits from now on. The problem is, my husband is unable to stand up to his father. He told me that when he tried talking to him about his concerns, Earl called him a "wimp."

Please tell me how to get through to my husband. I don't want to alienate his family, and I do want my children to have a relationship with their grandfather. -- GUN-SHY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR GUN-SHY: I'm sorry to say that your father-in-law may have your husband pegged accurately. A man who would allow his small children to stay in the home of an alcoholic who keeps unsecured, loaded weapons around is a wimp. There are responsible gun owners, and there are individuals like your alcohol-soaked in-law, who seem to have never learned that a bullet fired into the air must fall down somewhere and could kill or injure someone.

Your husband doesn't have to "stand up" to his father. All he has to do is make a hotel reservation and be sure the children spend no unsupervised time with Grandpa. To do anything less is child endangerment. Because your husband is unwilling to be the strong one, the responsibility for your children's lives now falls to you.

DEAR ABBY: I always knew high blood pressure ran in my family, but I never realized it could cause kidney disease. Then I attended one of the National Kidney Foundation's free kidney health screenings and was shocked to learn that my lab results showed a decline in my kidney function. Because I felt healthy, I hadn't worried about my "borderline" hypertension. Turns out, my kidneys were silently being damaged.

I have since made lifestyle changes to control my blood pressure and prevent further damage. These include daily exercise and cutting back on salt, sweets and fast food.

Kidney disease and its leading causes -- high blood pressure and diabetes -- run in families, and one in three American adults are at risk. Many people don't realize that early detection can make a critical difference, protecting the kidneys and preventing damage.

March is National Kidney Month, and March 14 is World Kidney Day. The National Kidney Foundation is urging Americans to learn their risk factors for kidney disease and to get their kidneys checked with a simple urine and blood test. They will offer more advice on protecting these vital organs and staying healthy. For a schedule of free kidney health screenings across the country, not only during March but throughout the year, visit the National Kidney Foundation website at kidney.org. -- JEFF CARTER, BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR JEFF: I'm glad you wrote because I was taken aback to learn that more than 26 million American adults and thousands of children have chronic kidney disease.

Readers, it's important to be checked because millions of people with diabetes, hypertension and other diseases do not realize they're at risk for developing kidney disease. Could this include you or someone you love?

DEAR ABBY: I married into a shopaholic family. My husband and I live in a small home with our two young daughters. My biggest problem is my mother-in-law. She has only two interests: eating and shopping. Good manners dictate that I graciously accept all her gifts, but I am sick to my stomach over the gross excess.

I think she has an addiction. She has stolen from me the joy of buying baby clothes for my children. My Christmas tree is decked with all the ornaments from my husband's youth, and a massive dusty doll collection is coming our way.

Although my husband himself struggles with buying and collecting stuff, he agrees with me that less is better for our family. I would like to keep things simple, but it's impossible with my in-laws. -- OVERLOADED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR OVERLOADED: People make purchases beyond that which is needed for various reasons. Sometimes it's an attempt to buy love. Other times it can be to ease anxiety or depression.

If you don't draw the line and make your wishes clear, your mother-in-law will not stop what she's doing. Explain that you are grateful for her generosity, but your house is full and therefore one or two gifts per child is all you will accept. Period.

Leave some of the Christmas decorations in storage next December so there will be room on your tree for some of your own. And when the doll collection is delivered, if your girls can't use it, consider selling or donating it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 30 years and will be visiting my mother-in-law again soon. Even though he is 50, she is obsessed with dressing him. As soon as we arrive, she searches through our luggage and announces that his clothes are not "good enough." Then she wants to put her son in her dead husband's clothes. She always threatens that she will have a fit if he won't wear the clothes she chooses. What should I do? -- BAGGAGE CHECK IN MONTANA

DEAR BAGGAGE CHECK: Your mother-in-law may still be in deep mourning for her husband. If your husband bears a strong resemblance to his father, it's possible that seeing him in those clothes in some way brings her husband back to her.

Frankly, her behavior is quite bizarre -- including the threatened tantrum if she doesn't get her way. (Could she be losing it?) When the subject comes up again, as it will when you arrive, you and your husband should stand your ground and let her throw her fit. It might be the beginning of some healing.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding what to do when someone pays you a compliment. I was always taught that a compliment should be answered with a polite "thank you." So when my husband compliments me on a nice meal, I say, "Thank you."

He believes that you are not being humble enough when you say thank you, since it is recognizing that you did a good job. He thinks you should say, "I'm glad you like it," instead of thank you. What is the correct response? -- GRAMMATICALLY PERPLEXED

DEAR PERPLEXED: You are not a robot, and your husband should not attempt to program your responses by "correcting" you. Saying thank you for a compliment is the appropriate response when one is offered. When paid a compliment, I see no reason to feign humility by saying anything that lessens it, especially if it is deserved.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago my sisters, a daughter and several nieces and nephews decided to get the word "family," in my mother's handwriting, tattooed on their bodies to memorialize her. I didn't do it because Mom didn't like tattoos and would not have approved of anyone getting one for any reason. I do a number of other things in her memory.

Should I feel guilty for not joining them in their endeavor to remember Mom, or is it OK to remember her in a way she would approve of? -- NO TATS FOR ME

DEAR NO TATS: The process of mourning is an individual one. There is no requirement that families do it "en masse." If you prefer to memorialize your mother in your own way, then do it and don't feel guilty about it. However, because your relatives chose to do something else in the spirit of family harmony -- which your mother would not approve of -- be careful not to criticize the path they took.

DEAR ABBY: My son's fourth-grade teacher can't spell. I have noticed at least a half-dozen errors not only in the handwritten notes she sends home, but also in assignment work! How should I handle this? -- ANONYMOUS IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Save the notes and assignment work with the misspellings and share them with the school principal. And if the problem continues, go to the school board about the problem teacher.