DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife cheated on me five years ago. She ran off with a nonworking criminal type and has been bouncing from place to place with this bozo ever since.

When they and their 3-year-old became homeless two weeks ago, all of a sudden she showed up at my door shoeless and with their son in a diaper. She said her boyfriend was abusive and asked to stay with me until she finds a place. I agreed under the provision that she not see this guy.

I am a hard-working single father of two. I know my heart is two sizes too big for my own good sometimes, and I don't want to be taken advantage of. Abby, did I make the right choice? Or should I have told her she was not welcome and turned her and her son away?

I really feel I shouldn't have to help her, and she should rely on her loser boyfriend -- who she has started seeing again. I need guidance and your expert advice. Am I an idiot? -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: You're not an idiot; you're a pushover. Your ex has already broken the agreement she made when you let her in. The situation is not going to get better; it will only become more complicated.

You have helped her for two weeks. Now it's time to direct her to a shelter that can help her get her life back together and give her son a stable home. Your responsibility for her welfare ended when she left you for another man.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Cafe Crazy" (Jan. 4), about the woman changing the baby on the restaurant's table. You advised that she should have taken the baby to the ladies' room to change it on a changing table there, and if there wasn't one, there should be.

I am a stay-at-home father and many times have had to resort to an awkward changing table alternative to accomplish the task (though never a restaurant table) as there are very few changing tables in men's rooms. In these dynamic, diverse and changing economic times, the ability to stay home and raise my children has been awesome, and I would do it over again in a heartbeat. It has been hard, however, because society still assumes that raising children is a woman's job. Not only should there have been a changing table in the ladies' room, but also one in the men's room.

Abby, please help us proud papas to raise our children with the same facilities allowed the mommas of the world! -- GRANT IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR GRANT: I apologize, and I'm glad to have the opportunity to not only help fathers everywhere to raise their children, but also to raise consciousness where it is needed.

Since the letter from "Cafe Crazy" was printed, I have heard from parents of both sexes, as far away as Denmark. Although some men's restrooms are equipped with changing tables, not all are -- and they should be. Another solution is a "family" restroom; however, many establishments have neither the money nor the room to install a third one.

DEAR ABBY: Something has been bothering me and I'd like your opinion. If a group of people goes out to eat together, and no one wants to order dessert except one person, is it rude for that person to keep everyone else waiting and watching while he/she orders and eats the dessert? -- CHECK, PLEASE

DEAR CHECK, PLEASE: It's not rude if you first ask the others in the group if they would mind, and they wanted to chat over coffee.

DEAR ABBY: I need help and I can't talk to anyone I know, so I'm pouring my heart out to you. My husband is addicted to online porn. Our sex life has suffered massively because of it. He seems uninterested in sex with me. I had a feeling that it might be something or someone else.

My woman's intuition told me there had to be a reason for him turning to porn, so I checked our computer's history log and found he has been surfing gay porn. He does watch straight porn, but now peppers it with male-on-male porn as well.

It has shattered my world. I don't know what to think or what to do. I can't discuss this with my family. They would never view him in the same way again. Help! -- J. IN BRIGHTON, ENGLAND

DEAR J.: Your husband may be curious, bisexual or have discovered (late) that he is gay. It happens. You need to have a frank conversation with him. Remain calm, stay strong and remember that you, too, are entitled to a sex life. You have nothing to lose by discussing this, and everything to gain.

If you need more help afterward, consider going online and contacting the Straight Spouse Network at www.straightspouse.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in therapy for four years. I like my therapist, who has helped me immensely. However, over the past year she has become increasingly tardy in keeping her appointment times.

I understand there are sometimes emergencies, but being a half-hour late every week is excessive. I feel it is disrespectful to me. She keeps saying I just don't understand.

How can I get across to her how frustrated I am? Or do I need to find a new therapist? -- BY THE CLOCK IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BY THE CLOCK: Tell your therapist exactly how this is affecting you and ask what her problem is. She owes you an explanation.

I agree that being late for your appointment is disrespectful if it happens regularly. You may need to find another therapist. If that's the case, be sure to tell her why you are leaving. It takes courage to be assertive, but it will help you in your personal growth.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me with a delicate situation between me and my husband of seven years.

For our 20th anniversary, my first husband gave me a diamond anniversary ring. After running across it again, I have recently started wearing it.

My husband is very offended that I have chosen to do this. I wear it on the middle finger of my left hand. (The knuckle on my right hand was broken when I was a teen and it won't fit on that hand.)

I have tried explaining that there is no sentimental reason for wearing the ring. It's just a beautiful piece of jewelry. He doesn't want me to wear it at all, but I do. Do you have any advice? -- LIKES THE SPARKLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LIKES THE SPARKLE: While the ring may be just a beautiful piece of jewelry to you, to your husband it may symbolize the 20-plus years you spent with someone else. Ask if he would mind if you had the stones in the ring remounted into something you could wear on your right hand -- or consider selling it and using the money to buy another piece of jewelry that would be less threatening to your current spouse.

DEAR ABBY: "Harold" and I have been married for more than 20 years and have three children ranging in age from teen to toddler. We are both college graduates and held middle-management jobs until recently.

Two years ago, Harold was offered a temporary job in an exotic location in another country. We jumped at the chance. I can't work due to the regulations here, but the money is good.

Now that I'm not working, Harold suddenly believes he has the right to tell me what to do, how to manage daily activities, how to care for the children, etc. When we explore our host country, he loses his temper if I take a photo of something he has already photographed.

At Halloween, we invited some local friends over to share the American tradition of pumpkin carving. He literally took the knife out of my hand and shouldered me out of the way so he could do it. In previous years, he had no interest in this activity -- the children and I carved the pumpkins.

These are just two examples, but the scrutiny is daily and relentless. I am instructed how to do the laundry, wash dishes, clean the stove, on and on.

How do I deal with this new controlling behavior? If I address it when it happens, he becomes nasty. I have tried discussing his overall change in attitude, but he says I am "imagining" it. If I ignore his "suggestions," it results in angry outbursts.

I don't know how to get through to him that I'm the same competent individual I was before we made this change and that I do not need micromanaging. Any advice is welcome. -- JUST ABOUT HAD IT

DEAR JUST ABOUT HAD IT: Your husband may be stressed in his new job and no longer feel in control, which is why he is attempting to control you. Or, because he is now the sole wage earner, he may feel "entitled" to dictate your every move. If you are now living in a male-dominated culture where women have no rights, his thinking may be influenced by the men around him.

If marriage counseling is available, I urge you to get some. If that's not possible, perhaps a long vacation for you and the children with your family would defuse the tension.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently committed suicide. He was only 24. Two weeks before his death, he confided to a family member that he had been molested by his uncle when he was between the ages of 4 and 7.

I want this uncle to be exposed, but the family wants to keep it "quiet and in the family." I am very much of the opinion that this molestation could be behind my son's suicide. The uncle is now in his 30s and would have been in his teens when this happened. Please tell me what I should do. -- SUFFERING IN OHIO

DEAR SUFFERING: Because you are suffering, it is important that you talk with a therapist if you haven't already. While early trauma may have played a part in your son's death, suicide is a complex act that is not completely understood.

What is clear is that what this uncle did while in his teens was predatory. Others in the family -- and the community -- should be made aware so their children can be protected, because they may be at risk. The therapist can help you decide how to deal with this, so please don't wait.