DEAR ABBY: I need help and I can't talk to anyone I know, so I'm pouring my heart out to you. My husband is addicted to online porn. Our sex life has suffered massively because of it. He seems uninterested in sex with me. I had a feeling that it might be something or someone else.

My woman's intuition told me there had to be a reason for him turning to porn, so I checked our computer's history log and found he has been surfing gay porn. He does watch straight porn, but now peppers it with male-on-male porn as well.

It has shattered my world. I don't know what to think or what to do. I can't discuss this with my family. They would never view him in the same way again. Help! -- J. IN BRIGHTON, ENGLAND

DEAR J.: Your husband may be curious, bisexual or have discovered (late) that he is gay. It happens. You need to have a frank conversation with him. Remain calm, stay strong and remember that you, too, are entitled to a sex life. You have nothing to lose by discussing this, and everything to gain.

If you need more help afterward, consider going online and contacting the Straight Spouse Network at www.straightspouse.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in therapy for four years. I like my therapist, who has helped me immensely. However, over the past year she has become increasingly tardy in keeping her appointment times.

I understand there are sometimes emergencies, but being a half-hour late every week is excessive. I feel it is disrespectful to me. She keeps saying I just don't understand.

How can I get across to her how frustrated I am? Or do I need to find a new therapist? -- BY THE CLOCK IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR BY THE CLOCK: Tell your therapist exactly how this is affecting you and ask what her problem is. She owes you an explanation.

I agree that being late for your appointment is disrespectful if it happens regularly. You may need to find another therapist. If that's the case, be sure to tell her why you are leaving. It takes courage to be assertive, but it will help you in your personal growth.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me with a delicate situation between me and my husband of seven years.

For our 20th anniversary, my first husband gave me a diamond anniversary ring. After running across it again, I have recently started wearing it.

My husband is very offended that I have chosen to do this. I wear it on the middle finger of my left hand. (The knuckle on my right hand was broken when I was a teen and it won't fit on that hand.)

I have tried explaining that there is no sentimental reason for wearing the ring. It's just a beautiful piece of jewelry. He doesn't want me to wear it at all, but I do. Do you have any advice? -- LIKES THE SPARKLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LIKES THE SPARKLE: While the ring may be just a beautiful piece of jewelry to you, to your husband it may symbolize the 20-plus years you spent with someone else. Ask if he would mind if you had the stones in the ring remounted into something you could wear on your right hand -- or consider selling it and using the money to buy another piece of jewelry that would be less threatening to your current spouse.

DEAR ABBY: "Harold" and I have been married for more than 20 years and have three children ranging in age from teen to toddler. We are both college graduates and held middle-management jobs until recently.

Two years ago, Harold was offered a temporary job in an exotic location in another country. We jumped at the chance. I can't work due to the regulations here, but the money is good.

Now that I'm not working, Harold suddenly believes he has the right to tell me what to do, how to manage daily activities, how to care for the children, etc. When we explore our host country, he loses his temper if I take a photo of something he has already photographed.

At Halloween, we invited some local friends over to share the American tradition of pumpkin carving. He literally took the knife out of my hand and shouldered me out of the way so he could do it. In previous years, he had no interest in this activity -- the children and I carved the pumpkins.

These are just two examples, but the scrutiny is daily and relentless. I am instructed how to do the laundry, wash dishes, clean the stove, on and on.

How do I deal with this new controlling behavior? If I address it when it happens, he becomes nasty. I have tried discussing his overall change in attitude, but he says I am "imagining" it. If I ignore his "suggestions," it results in angry outbursts.

I don't know how to get through to him that I'm the same competent individual I was before we made this change and that I do not need micromanaging. Any advice is welcome. -- JUST ABOUT HAD IT

DEAR JUST ABOUT HAD IT: Your husband may be stressed in his new job and no longer feel in control, which is why he is attempting to control you. Or, because he is now the sole wage earner, he may feel "entitled" to dictate your every move. If you are now living in a male-dominated culture where women have no rights, his thinking may be influenced by the men around him.

If marriage counseling is available, I urge you to get some. If that's not possible, perhaps a long vacation for you and the children with your family would defuse the tension.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently committed suicide. He was only 24. Two weeks before his death, he confided to a family member that he had been molested by his uncle when he was between the ages of 4 and 7.

I want this uncle to be exposed, but the family wants to keep it "quiet and in the family." I am very much of the opinion that this molestation could be behind my son's suicide. The uncle is now in his 30s and would have been in his teens when this happened. Please tell me what I should do. -- SUFFERING IN OHIO

DEAR SUFFERING: Because you are suffering, it is important that you talk with a therapist if you haven't already. While early trauma may have played a part in your son's death, suicide is a complex act that is not completely understood.

What is clear is that what this uncle did while in his teens was predatory. Others in the family -- and the community -- should be made aware so their children can be protected, because they may be at risk. The therapist can help you decide how to deal with this, so please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My two adult granddaughters have rejected me, their doting grandfather. Their father gave me this explanation: "They are uncomfortable with the way you rub their shoulders and necks."

These girls and both parents have misinterpreted my innocent expressions of affection, which haven't changed since the girls were little. The only change is in their perception of my actions.

I am devastated. I asked twice to meet with these family members to discuss their concerns. It has been three months; no meeting time has been offered. There has been no contact, and neither girl has called me for any reason this year.

I can't just stop loving those with whom I have forged a 20-year bond of affection. How can this rupture be repaired? -- GRIEVING GRANDDAD

DEAR GRIEVING GRANDDAD: Clearly, there is a need for some professional mediation here, provided your granddaughters and their parents are willing. If your touches have been regarded as inappropriate, you should have been warned about it years ago. Obviously something has made your granddaughters uncomfortable, and the rupture won't heal until it can be discussed openly.

DEAR ABBY: Lately I have noticed that people are bringing their dogs shopping with them. I'm not talking about service dogs, but pets.

The other day, a woman brought her dog into the grocery store. While I'll admit the little thing looked cute sitting in the shopping cart, someone else's food will be in that cart next, and who knows where that dog's feet have been?

Why does management allow this? I'm willing to bet money that if I were to bring my pit bull, "Bruiser," inside the grocery store with me, I'd be stopped immediately. Talk about a double standard. I welcome your comments. -- ASKANCE IN POWAY, CALIF.

DEAR ASKANCE: You should speak to the store manager and ask why it was permitted, because I was under the impression that health laws do not permit canines inside establishments that sell food -- unless they are service dogs. "Bruiser" might be unwelcome not because of his size, but because there is concern about the breed's reputation.

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to your answer to "Lost, Alone and Worried in Urbana, Ill." (Dec. 26), the young girl who is being made to teach her younger, learning-disabled brother how to read. You were right in advising her to talk to her school counselor. However, you should have emphasized strongly to her that it is a must.

The school counselor is part of a guidance team that evaluates students with learning differences and strategizes ways to support the student and family. The parents are part of the team and attend meetings requested by the teacher, counselor or the parents themselves. All conversations are confidential.

This may help the sister understand that she will not be blamed for anything. She is in a difficult position, and you were right to suppose that the parents may be frustrated and looking for help. It may be exactly what this family needs to get back on track. -- LOUISE B., ELEMENTARY SCHOOL COUNSELOR

DEAR LOUISE B.: I appreciate your input, and I hope the girl who wrote sees your letter.