DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Doug" (24), and I (22) have been in a long-distance relationship for a year, but we were friends for a couple of years before that. I had never had a serious relationship before and lacked experience. Doug has not only been in two other long-term relationships, but has had sex with more than 15 women. One of them is an amateur porn actress.

I knew about this, but it didn't bother me until recently. Doug had a party, and while he was drunk he told one of his buddies -- in front of me -- that he should watch a certain porn film starring his ex-girlfriend. It made me feel awkward. The next day he apologized.

Of course, having learned her name, I couldn't help myself from searching for her on the Internet. Now I can't stop comparing myself to her, and I feel intimidated and frustrated.

I have been struggling with how to get over it. Doug has told me many times that he loves me and I believe him. But those stupid, drunken comments really knocked me down. How do I get over my boyfriend's past? -- ECLIPSED BY A "STAR" IN NEW YORK

DEAR ECLIPSED: A giant step in the right direction would be to quit comparing yourself to a porn actress. In his addled condition, your immature boyfriend couldn't resist bragging to his buddies because he thought it would impress them with his prowess. If he had serious feelings about her, he would still be with her, not in a relationship with you.

That said, it would be in your best interest to find out if this woman really was a "girlfriend" or one of his one-night stands. If he is in a long-distance relationship with you and tends to be promiscuous, you should be more concerned about his judgment than how to get over his past.

DEAR ABBY: We have always purchased rather than leased our cars. One of them has 225,000 miles on the odometer and is running well. I have two friends who lease expensive foreign cars. Keeping the mileage down on their cars is important to them, especially when it comes time to return them at the end of the lease.

Because of this, I find myself driving more often than I should. One friend attends a weekly meeting with me, and we're supposed to take turns driving each other every other week. But somehow I end up at the wheel more often. I'd hate to start writing down our outings, but I'm beginning to feel used.

While I respect their decision to lease expensive new cars, it is not my responsibility to keep their expenses down. Both of these women are in a better financial position than I am, although we are all "comfortable."

Any ideas about how to approach this without seeming petty? It has been going on for a long while and is starting to bother me. -- DRIVEN TOO FAR IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DRIVEN TOO FAR: If you feel that you are being taken advantage of, then you probably are. I recommend you wean these ladies off your chauffeur services by being less available when they need a ride. And if you are asked why, remind them of your original agreement to share the driving duties 50-50.

DEAR ABBY: While I always enjoy your column, I thought your advice to "Wants My Space" (Dec. 14), whose son "Dustin" moved away five years ago and expects her to keep his room as he left it, was off the mark. I would have told Dustin what I have told both of my daughters several times: It is not "your" room; I merely let you use it.

Not only is "Wants" not obligated to use her home as a storage facility, she's doing her son a disservice by doing it under these circumstances. At 24, he needs to learn that if he wants a service, it's his obligation to procure it. There are plenty of businesses that can fulfill his needs at a reasonable price. -- MATT IN PROVIDENCE FORGE, VA.

DEAR MATT: For the most part, readers agreed with you, and they offered their own "take" on how to accomplish the removal of the young man's belongings:

DEAR ABBY: An acquaintance of mine had a similar problem with his son. The son expected his dad to provide storage space at no charge for an indefinite length of time. My friend told his son: "No way! You get it out of here within six months, or I'll sell it and keep the money for storage fees."

He didn't think his father would actually do it. Well, he was wrong. And now the younger siblings don't even think of leaving any of their stuff at the father's house. -- SHIRLEY IN CHULA VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My parents, while not upset with still having their four adult children's belongings in their home, solved their dilemma in a unique way. One Christmas we all gathered at their house and were delighted to find heaps of presents under the tree. Concerned that our folks had way overspent, imagine our surprise when we unwrapped the packages and found all of our own belongings! It was an inventive and effective way to clear out the attic and basement. We still talk about it to this day -- a warm Christmas memory. -- KATIE IN NEWARK, DEL.

DEAR ABBY: "Wants" is blessed that Dustin voiced his desire for his mom to keep his stuff. My mother continued asking me if I wanted my stuff for years. I said no, until one day, yes, I did. My parents are no longer alive, and I treasure the little stuffed dog that was my very first Christmas present.

I'd advise "Wants" to return some of the items to her son from time to time in the form of gifts. To him, they are treasures, and they can be returned in a way that won't make him feel betrayed. -- IRENE IN OWOSSO, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Dustin should either pay rent to his mother or move his stuff out. If he doesn't, he has abandoned it and she can dispose of it as she sees fit, since it's her house to do with as she pleases. In all fairness, a deadline is reasonable, but it's been five years -- why give him six more months? Enough mollycoddling. -- ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

DEAR ABBY: Dustin may be lucky his mom wants his stuff out. My mom insisted on keeping my room exactly as I had left it as a shrine. I was glad not to have to move all my coin, toy and stamp collections and the other things from my first 18 years.

However, subsequently Mom allowed a young male relative to use my room, and he lost, stole or destroyed all of my memories. I was and am still sad, but I never told my mom 'cause "that's life." -- CHARLIE IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of one year, "Eddie," has been invited to the wedding of a waitress who works at a restaurant/bar he frequents. I was not invited. Eddie doesn't dance and has slow danced with me only once. When I told him I would not appreciate him slow dancing with anyone there, we had a heated argument. Eddie told me I have no right to tell him what to do and that I'm trying to control him.

I have run this by many people -- male and female -- and they all say it's inappropriate to slow dance with anyone but your significant other, especially when she's not present.

I feel Eddie has little regard for my feelings. If he really cared for me, he wouldn't want to dance with anyone else. I am interested in your thoughts. -- HIS ONLY DANCE PARTNER

DEAR HIS ONLY: If you would like to "graduate" from girlfriend to fiancee, you will stop trying to control him and tell him you hope he has a good time at the wedding.

Insecurity is not an attractive trait, so calm down and recognize that a dance is only a dance. From your description of Eddie's lack of ability, I seriously doubt he will be a sought-after partner on any dance floor.

DEAR ABBY: Our two children (ages 4 and 1 year) have hyphenated last names. It works well and the names sound elegant together.

My husband and I have made this known in the family and have discussed it when asked about it by various family members. However, over the last four years our choice has been ignored by two relatives from separate sides of our family. They persist in using only my husband's last name for correspondence and gifts. He has suggested returning the mail as "addressee unknown," which I think might come across as rude.

Is there any way of having our children addressed correctly by relatives who seem to want to ignore their real names? -- NEW YORK MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Before doing it your husband's way, try this: Have another chat with the non-compliant relatives, who may come from a different generation. Explain that you gave your children hyphenated last names for a reason -- that you want to be equally represented -- and the omission of "your" name hurts your feelings. If that doesn't work, then go back to plan A because you don't want your children to be confused.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will be married 25 years and have three children. In my family, my dad was the boss. I always was, too, but never was involved very much with the kids. My wife never really complained about it. She just wanted to keep the family together.

Now that the kids are gone, I realize I should have been a better husband. She mostly ignores me and spends her time with the kids and going places. I feel left out. She doesn't even want to celebrate our upcoming 25th. Should we? I know my dad drank a lot, and now I find myself thinking often about how it must have been for my mom back then. -- REGRETTING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR REGRETTING: Ask your wife why she doesn't think that 25 years of marriage is something to celebrate, because it should be. She may spend her time with the kids and going places because that is what she has been doing for all these years.

There is still time for you to mend this marriage, provided you are both willing to work on it. However, it may take the services of a marriage counselor to break the ice.