DEAR ABBY: Please use your wide reach to educate well-meaning parents about how their children should behave when visiting cemeteries. I'm a funeral professional who takes pride in helping families honor their heritage and transition from grief to recovery. I especially enjoy helping to allay children's fears about death and cemeteries.

Often parents allow their children to roam the cemetery as if it were a playground or public park. I have seen kids pull up expensive flowers on other graves and "take them to Mommy." Naturally, the family who bought the flowers come back a few days later and accuses us of trashing them.

I have seen mourners leave precious personal mementos on their loved ones' graves only for kids to take them as playthings. I have seen kids deface grave markers, entertain themselves by bouncing rocks off headstones or open up brass and bronze cameos, exposing the photos to the elements.

The worst is unsupervised kids running off in packs and gathering up the little colored flags that are placed to assure a grave gets dug and set up in time for a pending service. Imagine flying in for the burial of a loved one and the grave isn't ready because some child grabbed the marking flag while the parents stood idly by. Cemetery employees have been fired for this.

Parents, please teach your children that their natural curiosity and playfulness should find their outlet in more appropriate settings. And please, keep your dogs at home. You wouldn't want a stranger's dog doing his business on your expensive marker or loved one's grave, would you? -- THE LAST PERSON TO LET YOU DOWN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LAST PERSON TO LET YOU DOWN: I'm happy to spread the word.

Folks, if your children are too young to understand when you tell them the cemetery isn't a playground, that they must remain quiet, respectful and not touch other people's property, then they should not be present at the burial. When entering or leaving the cemetery, children and adults should refrain from walking on the graves. Ditto for using it as a dog park.

The Golden Rule applies here: Don't do unto others what you wouldn't want them to do onto you.

DEAR ABBY: When I married, I moved away to another state and made some great new friends where I live now. My family visits every few months and I recently started including some of my friends in my family gatherings and bringing some of them home with me when my husband and I go to visit.

I recently found out that my family has been inviting my friends for weekend getaways and camping trips. They even invited my friends to spend the last long holiday weekend with them -- without inviting me!

I was hurt and offended when I found out. I have nothing against my family and friends getting along, but I always thought I'd be included. Am I overreacting? -- EXCLUDED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR EXCLUDED: Perhaps. Not knowing your friends or family members, I can only guess that when you introduced them they may have found some interest in common that you don't necessarily share. But don't waste time on hurt feelings or pouting because you don't own your friends, and what your relatives choose to do with their time is out of your control.

DEAR ABBY: It bothers me greatly to know that so many children continue to start smoking at an early age. My husband and I did that, and now we're paying an awful price. We have had emphysema for years. Four of our children also took up the habit. I finally started paying them to quit ($100 every two weeks they didn't smoke -- up to five payments).

I decided to head off the temptation our grandchildren would face. We told them if they didn't start smoking by the age of 18, we'd pay them $2,000. So far, seven of the 10 have collected a nice check on their 18th birthday, and we expect the remaining three to collect in turn. They have grown up understanding that cigarettes are "gross" and, if they start smoking, it will cost them a lot of money!

Abby, you're the best way to spread ideas. I hope you will think it worthwhile to pass this one along. -- DO AS I SAY, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR DO AS I SAY: I'm passing it along, but frankly, I'm not crazy about bribery. One would think that, having witnessed firsthand the serious health issues you and your husband are experiencing, your grandchildren would have understood what awaited them if they took up the habit.

The tobacco industry has done a huge disservice to young people by marketing their products to them -- and not just in the form of cigarettes, but also with flavored chewing tobacco, which is equally addictive. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, nearly 90 percent of smokers start by age 18.

In 2006, U.S. District Judge Gladys E. Kessler of Washington, D.C., ruled the major cigarette manufacturers were guilty of fraud and racketeering under the federal RICO Act. (When the tobacco companies appealed, the Supreme Court rejected it without comment.)

She wrote that for more than 50 years the tobacco industry "lied, misrepresented and deceived the American public, including smokers and the young people they avidly sought as 'replacement smokers,' about the devastating effects of smoking....

"They suppressed research, they destroyed documents, they manipulated the use of nicotine so as to increase and perpetuate addiction, they distorted the truth ... so as to discourage smokers from quitting."

It is extremely important that young people be educated about -- and prevented from -- using tobacco. Smokers who start as teenagers increase their chances of becoming addicted. Think about it: reduced lung function, early heart disease, cancer, asthma, disfigurement. Yes -- it could happen to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful husband and adorable grandchildren, but I have developed deep feelings for a man I met at the gym where I go with a friend.

I find myself thinking of this man during the day and night. I don't want to have an affair nor do I want him to know what I feel. When the thoughts of him come, they overwhelm me so I try to pray. I have no plans to cheat on my husband. What else can I do? -- CONFIDENTIAL IN GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR CONFIDENTIAL: Because you have a wonderful husband and a life you do not want to be disrupted, I recommend that when you finish exercising at the gym you take a cold shower. And if that doesn't work, go to an all-female gym.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO MY READERS: Thanks to you, writing this column is a love-in every day of the year.

DEAR ABBY: My daughters are attractive young women, both doing well in their professional careers. "Melanie," who is 27, is married to "Sam," an extremely attractive and successful man.

My 30-year-old daughter, "Alicia," has been divorced for a year. Her marriage failed two years ago because she and her husband had an appetite for sex outside their marriage. While I was disturbed about that, I was horrified to learn that Melanie allows her sister to occasionally have sex with Sam.

Melanie's argument is that Sam is less likely to cheat given this situation. When I asked her and Sam about it, he said it wasn't his idea. My current husband says any man who would refuse this "set-up" would be nuts. Alicia claims she "doesn't have time" to date right now, and after she finishes her MBA, she'll seek out a more normal relationship.

I am distraught about this mess. Melanie says she wants to start a family soon. She says she loves Sam, who can "handle everything," and she enjoys seeing "everyone happy." She says Alicia won't sleep around now and, maybe, one day she'll marry a handsome man like Sam who will "return the favor"!

I can't believe these girls are my daughters. Should I continue to protest or let it go? Is this relaxed attitude about sex prevalent in young people today? I cannot understand Melanie's lack of desire to defend her turf. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: Your daughters appear to be into the concept of open marriage. Clearly, they do not view marriage and relationships the same way you do.

Melanie is naive to think that encouraging Sam to have a sexual relationship with her sister will discourage him from seeking other partners. Far from it. And as for her wanting to start a family, has she considered what will happen if her husband impregnates Alicia at the same time -- or first?

But back to your question: Are you right to protest? You certainly are. That's what mothers are for -- to inject a dose of sanity when everyone around her is losing theirs.

DEAR ABBY: The other day at work, my girlfriend overheard a group of people in the break room talking about what they'd do first if they won the lottery. Without exception, everyone in that room said the first thing they would do is get a divorce. My girlfriend was stunned.

Have you ever done an informal reader survey on this subject? Is the state of marriage in America really that bad? I'm also curious if answers would differ along gender lines. Let me know what you think, and thanks. -- HAPPILY SINGLE BUT STILL A BELIEVER IN MARRIAGE

DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: No, I have not done a reader survey on this subject. But I'm glad you asked, because I think what your girlfriend heard is a sad commentary on the state of the marriages of her co-workers. Readers, if you'd care to chime in on this, I'm sure it would be enlightening.