DEAR ABBY: Valentine's Day is approaching, and I wanted to write concerning those of us who are single by choice, by circumstance, because of the death of a spouse or divorce.

This holiday was set aside to celebrate love and lovers, but it can be a lonely time for people who find themselves without a significant other. Valentine's Day is so commercialized that one is bombarded by ads for gifts, candy, etc., from every angle, which only enforces one's aloneness. The message is subtly sent -- but received loud and clear -- that an individual without a partner is worthless.

I would like to urge your readers this year to include those who are alone through divorce or widowhood in their celebration of this day. Make it a day on which they too can feel special, loved, and a part of things rather than isolated, forgotten and alone.

And don't stop there. All holidays can be lonely for those who have lost loved ones. Include these people in your holiday plans. You will be blessed by sharing, and they will be uplifted to know someone cares. -- SOLO IN TEXAS

DEAR SOLO: Thank you for your letter. Readers, if you're feeling down because you don't have a special valentine, the surest cure for the blues is to do something for someone else. Call someone who's alone to say, "I'm thinking about you."

If you know someone who's in a nursing home, take some flowers. Put your discarded items in a box and call your favorite charity. Donate some blood. Listen to your teenager. Tell your parents you think they're great. Forgive an enemy. Send a donation to a food program that benefits the needy.

And if you love someone, tell him or her now; please don't wait until next Valentine's Day to be a sweetheart again.

DEAR ABBY: I have had an embarrassing problem ever since grammar school. I bite my nails and cuticles until they bleed. If the pain is severe, or I see a piece of cuticle hanging, I stop until it heals. But then I start up again. How can quit this ugly habit? -- MANIC IN GRANDVIEW, MO.

DEAR MANIC: You have a problem that I'm told is shared by one in 12 adults. There is more than one solution for it, and the common denominator in all of them is motivation. Some helpful suggestions submitted by readers in years past:

(1) "What helped me to finally stop at age 45 was that I sat down and tried to figure out why I kept biting my nails. I finally realized it was because I couldn't stand the feel of a rough nail catching on the fabric of my clothing.

"Now I keep emery boards, from coarse to fine, beside my favorite chair, in my purse, in my glove compartment and by my bed. If I feel a snag, I immediately smooth the offending nail. It has eliminated my need to bite."

(2) "My high school teacher included some interesting lessons in personal hygiene in his biology class. One day, he asked us to scrape under our fingernails and look at what we removed under a microscope. Seeing face to face what had collected under there was enough to stop me from biting my nails. I haven't chewed them in nearly 30 years."

(3) "What stopped me was a job I landed as a teenager. I became an usher at a movie theater. My job required wearing a uniform, including white gloves. Not long after I landed the job, I noticed I had nice nails. The gloves were what did it."

(4) "Finally, when I was in my 30s, I asked my doctor to suggest a cure. He talked to me about obsessive-compulsive disorder and prescribed a low dose of a very safe drug used by people with O.C.D. In three weeks my nail-biting stopped for good."

DEAR ABBY: My stepson "Steve" is getting married out of town. His fiancee is an only daughter with three brothers, and her family is throwing a large, traditional, formal wedding.

My husband and I have just been informed by Steve's mother that we are to host the rehearsal dinner for the wedding party, their spouses and out-of-town guests. It will cost thousands of dollars in addition to the cost of us attending the wedding, and we will have to go into debt to pay for it. Is this fair?

When we were married, we had a simple wedding. We prepared everything ourselves because it was all we could afford. Should we be expected to fork over money we don't have to feed people we don't know just because the bride's family can afford to throw a large, formal wedding? -- STEPMOM IN CANADA

DEAR STEPMOM: No, you should not, and you should let the bride's family know it ASAP. Although, traditionally, a rehearsal dinner is hosted by the parents of the groom, today it can be hosted by just about anyone who is willing.

And while the guest list normally includes all attendants and their spouses or partners, close relatives and special guests such as the clergyperson and spouse, you are not obligated to include out-of-town guests. Out-of-town guests should be given a list of local restaurants and should not expect to be entertained beyond the wedding and the reception.

DEAR ABBY: I had a working relationship with a couple, "Ed" and "Millie," for many years. I considered them personal friends as well. I have since left the company and moved about 80 miles away.

While I have enjoyed staying in touch with them, their phone calls to me have been overwhelming. They sometimes call at inappropriate times -- day and night. Ignoring them or not returning calls didn't work. Ed sent me texts, and I finally responded with "Please don't call me anymore," but his calls continue.

I changed my phone number, but now I'm starting to get calls where I work, and they have even called my daughter's phone. I know Ed is retired now and has some health issues, but I don't know why I'm the one he calls when he's bored and wants someone to talk to.

I have reached the point where I don't think it is possible to continue this friendship if it's going to involve multiple phone calls each day and 20 messages in my mailbox during the week. How do I get these nice people to give me some space? -- SMOTHERED IN CARROLLTON, GA.

DEAR SMOTHERED: How sad. Multiple daily phone calls and 20 email messages a week after you have asked the person not to contact you isn't normal behavior. It's harassment. In light of your long friendship with this couple, and the fact that Ed's behavior is escalating, call his wife. Explain that you are concerned about her husband's behavior and urge her to have him evaluated by his doctor.

TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Lunar New Year begins today. It's the Year of the Snake. According to Asian culture, individuals born in the year of the snake are goal-oriented and hate failure. They are excellent mediators -- intelligent, refined, clever in business and good providers because they value material wealth. A healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to you all. (Hiss, hiss, hooray!)

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed a good life. I have served my community. I have a wonderful wife, great children and good friends. However, it now appears that the disease that has been kept at bay has progressed, and soon my days will end. I have accepted my impending death as best one can, and let few people know of it.

I would like to thank all the wonderful people who have been an important part of my life over the years, and I'm wondering how that might be accomplished. I do not want to make them sad or receive condolences. I simply want them to know they were an important part of my life for which I am truly grateful.

I considered a party, but wondered if that might seem morbid. Letters seem too distant, and phone calls would be hard on me.

While my death sentence is firm, and it will be soon, the exact date is impossible to know. Few of these people are aware that I am seriously ill, although I have been hospitalized many times.

Can you give me some suggestions to show my appreciation? -- ON THE WAY OUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ON THE WAY OUT: While goodbyes can be sad, your farewell party need not be morbid -- particularly if you and your wife make it a celebration of life and let your guests know it in advance. If you're afraid that saying what's in your heart to each person individually will be emotionally draining, then deliver a speech or videotape one to be played at the event.

While reading your letter, I am reminded of a friend, Judith, whom I lost several years ago. Judith had battled cancer for 12 years. After she had completed yet another round of chemo, some of her women friends gathered for a potluck luncheon at her place. The wine was poured and we all glanced at each other, worried that toasting "health" might seem inappropriate. Sensing the hesitation, Judy raised her glass and announced, "To life!" And that, my friend, is exactly what your party should be all about.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sixth-grade girl with a group of friends I like. The problem is some of them constantly put themselves down. It's annoying to hear, "My hair is so messed up," "I failed that quiz" (they got a B), "My paper is so bad" or "I'm so ugly." None of these things are true.

I know people put themselves down so that others will reassure them that they're fine. But I'm getting tired of hearing these complaints. I have told them to stop acting this way, but it doesn't work. How can I get my friends to stop complaining about themselves so much? -- TIRED OF HEARING IT IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR TIRED OF HEARING IT: You can't, so be patient with them because you appear to be more emotionally mature and self-confident than they are. At 12, which I assume most of your friends are, it is not unusual for girls to become sensitive about their changing bodies, and some of their insecurity may be hormonal. That's why they're looking to others for reassurance, so please don't be stingy.