DEAR ABBY: A great man once said, "A life without love is no life at all." So many people find love in so many ways, either through arranged marriages or at social events, school or college.

I have always been a hopeless romantic, but since the end of my eight-year relationship, my heart no longer feels the same. I feel as though love will never find me.

I know people say when it happens you will know, but my question is: How do you really know? And when that time does ever come, how do you prepare your heart for love after a tragic loss? -- TRYING TO GO ON

DEAR TRYING: I'm sorry for your loss and heartache. But unless your lover was wrenched from you by death, you should do what people of both sexes must when a romance ends -- ask yourself why and what you have learned from it.

The failure of a romance doesn't mean that love will never happen again. You will know you have found love when you meet someone who makes you feel strong instead of dependent, who appreciates you for the person you are and isn't threatened by your successes, who supports you when you're down, takes pride in your accomplishments, and will hug you even after a difficult day. And it shouldn't take "preparation," just a willingness to risk putting yourself out there and a little good luck.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live more than 1,000 miles away from our family. When our relatives fly out to visit us, should we feel obligated to let them use one of our cars to travel/tour while they are here? (Money is not an issue.) In most cases, they may be on the other side of the state for several days, leaving my husband and me to share a car. It is an inconvenience because my husband and I leave for work at different times.

However, this isn't my only concern. Will insurance cover our car if they have an accident in it?

When we visit them, we drive their car within city limits only, and when it's convenient for them. Please reply ASAP because they're coming here soon. -- STRESSED OUT IN COLORADO

DEAR STRESSED OUT: Because money is not an issue, I assume that your relatives can afford to rent a car during their visit. The same rules should apply to them that apply to you in a similar situation. Your car should be for your own convenience, since you and your husband need transportation to work.

As to the insurance liability should someone have an accident while driving your vehicle, the person to ask is your insurance broker.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend who recently remarried. He has always said that what he and his late wife worked for should go to their children. However, I have just learned that his prenup wasn't signed until after their marriage. Also, it was drawn up by an accountant, not a lawyer.

I always thought that a prenup was an agreement to specific conditions before a marriage. Am I right, and is a prenup valid if it is signed after the wedding? -- CURIOUS IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR CURIOUS: A document like the one you have described is called a postnuptial agreement. It should have been drafted by your friend's attorney, then reviewed by an attorney representing the wife to be sure she fully understood what she was signing. If she did not, then it may not be legal and enforceable.

DEAR ABBY: I am an adjunct teacher in a small college in the Midwest. For the most part, my students are great, but one breaks my heart. I admire him because he has overcome some incredible obstacles. Last year, he lost a good job and had to drop out for a time. He's back now, and when I asked about his new job, he said he runs a strip club.

At first, I thought he was kidding, but he assured me he manages more than 50 ladies who, at the end of their shift, leave with their lives and their dignity. He doesn't strike me as a common street pimp and I realize he took this job to survive. I'd like to approach him outside the classroom and offer to help not just him, but his employees. I don't want to come across as a do-gooder, but I don't think this is a great career.

I know this letter may make for some funny water cooler conversations, but the truth is people who get sucked into the vice trade have a hard time getting out and often come to a bad end. Do I care about my students too much, or am I being judgmental? -- WANTS TO HELP IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WANTS: I think it's a little of both. You are well-meaning, but may have jumped to some incorrect conclusions. Managers of adult entertainment clubs are not "pimps"; they are club managers. Further, just as not all prostitutes are exotic dancers, not all exotic dancers are prostitutes. Many are single women working to support themselves and their children; others may be students trying to pay for their educations.

Before trying to "rescue" any of them, visit the club and see firsthand what is -- and is not -- going on there. If there are underage girls being forced to work there, report it to the police. If not, recognize that they are adults and able to make their own career choices. While I admire your good heart, the individuals you're worried about may not need your assistance.

DEAR ABBY: I want to ask your opinion about something. I work at a donut shop inside a college campus. I have a tip jar, and many customers are generous and share their change with me.

My problem is other people who feel entitled to the money in my tip jar. There have been instances when some of them realized they were a few cents short, so they stuck their hands in my tip jar and fished out the coins they wanted. It is not out of ignorance! The jar is clearly labeled "Tips -- Thank you." If I tell them they can't take the money, they get angry. One lady screamed at me, saying I was "selfish," and the money in the jar shouldn't be just for me!

What do you think, Abby? Am I too upset over a few cents? Or am I right to feel robbed and stand up for myself when people do this? -- DOING MY JOB ON CAMPUS

DEAR DOING MY JOB: I don't blame you for feeling robbed. Your tips are meant just for you, and you have earned every penny your customers left in recognition of your good service. What these people are doing is petty theft. Some establishments avoid this problem by leaving a small container of pennies on the counter. Please suggest it to your boss.

DEAR ABBY: Do women ever initiate sex with men, or must they always be wooed, cajoled, begged or persuaded? I have a fairly good physical relationship with my wife, but it happens only when I make the overtures. I am left with the conclusion that either the physical act isn't that enjoyable or I am not very desirable.

If every encounter must start with me, and my wife can take it or leave it, is she just doing me a favor? Must sex always start with the guy, or can women demonstrate more overt interest? -- UNDERSEXED IN OHIO

DEAR UNDERSEXED: Many women -- but not all -- initiate sex with their partner. If your wife doesn't, it may be she isn't comfortable being the aggressor, her hormone levels have changed, sex may have become painful for her, or she never got much out of it in the first place.

Not knowing her, I can't explain why she never makes the first move. But this I am sure of -- until you have a frank and honest discussion with her about it, nothing is going to change, and it may need to happen with the help of a marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Richard" for three years, but we have lived together for 10. I was Richard's first and only girlfriend. He's very shy and reserved, while I have always been the outgoing, rebellious type.

I have been communicating with another man, "Drew," for about a year. It started out as me just having a little fun, but now I'm seriously considering leaving Richard. Although Drew and I have never met in person, we're romantically involved and both of us believe we're in love.

I love Richard, but I just don't feel "in love" anymore. We have lost our connection. We have talked about our communication problems, and he knows about Drew. Despite my explaining what the problems were, I feel he has ignored the issues.

We have been trying to get pregnant for years and it hasn't happened. I'm starting to believe it is a sign that I should move on. Should I follow my heart and be with Drew or stay with Richard despite my feelings? Please help. -- DISTRAUGHT IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: I'm willing to wager that if you devoted just a fraction of the energy you have spent on your extracurricular relationship to your husband, your marriage would be in better shape. With the help of a marriage counselor you might even be able to address those issues you feel have been ignored and re-establish your "connection."

But for you to throw away your marriage for someone you haven't met in person would be a serious mistake. Be glad that you haven't gotten pregnant and dragged a child into this. It would have broken your husband's heart, not only because you abandoned him but also because he would have been separated from the child he loved.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago I gave my brother-in-law a framed print that had belonged to my late husband. Some time afterward, out of curiosity, I researched it and found that it is worth far more than I realized -- several thousand dollars.

I haven't mentioned this to my brother-in-law. I would never ask for the print back, but would it be OK to let him know the value and mention that if he ever decides not to keep it, I might like it returned? (I would sell it and put the money in my daughter's college fund.) -- GAVE MORE THAN I THOUGHT

DEAR GAVE: Level with your brother-in-law about having researched the print and ask him to return it. When you do, tell him you need the money for your daughter's college fund. Offer to exchange it for an item with sentimental value. Honesty is the best policy, and he may agree.