DEAR ABBY: During the late 1950s I was married to the prettiest girl I ever set eyes on. "Jenny" and I were in our early 20s and naive. Back then, it wasn't considered "manly" to talk over anything that might be bothering you, so there was little to no communication. Consequently, we weren't able to meet each other's emotional or sexual needs. After 18 years and two sons, we divorced.

Thirty-five years later, divine providence intervened and our paths have crossed again. Jenny and I are now talking, laughing, crying and loving together. Abby, please remind your readers that if they are having problems in their marriage to sit down and talk things over, with a counselor if necessary. Because we couldn't do that, we lost 35 years of good times.

We now see that neither of us ever lost that strong love we had for each other. She is still the prettiest grandmother I have ever laid eyes on. I never stopped loving her, and we have never been as happy as we are now. -- OLDER BUT WISER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR OLDER BUT WISER: What you lost so many years ago you and Jenny have gained in life experience. Communication is the key to successful relationships, and I'm pleased that you have achieved it now. Your letter is an important one, and I hope my readers will take it to heart. May you both enjoy many more happy years together.

DEAR ABBY: How does one send a thank-you note for a really, really bad "re-gift"? This Christmas I received a battered box with old, wrinkled, ripped tissue paper thrown in with a couple of items that appeared to be part of another gift. It looked like a food gift basket had been divided and piecemealed out to make more gifts.

It is hurtful and insulting to be on the receiving end of something that's not even "giftworthy." I say, why bother at all. Please advise. -- ANONY-MISS OUT WEST

DEAR ANONY-MISS: The person may have felt obligated to give you something and been strapped for money for gifts. A gracious way to respond would be to thank the individual for thinking of you at such a meaningful time as Christmas. You do not have to lie and say the gift was "fabulous."

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with a woman who is a grandmother. She's very sweet but tends to get sick several times a year. As the mother of younger children, I have learned the "new school rules" on illness, like coughing or sneezing into your arm instead of your hand in an effort not to spread germs.

It seems my co-worker never got that memo, and I can't think of a tactful way to spread the message. Because cold and flu season is here, could you remind all your readers that this is a good preventative measure to reduce the spread of germs. Thanks! -- TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TRYING: Consider it done. However, a tactful way to get the word out would be to ask your boss or your supervisor to send a memo around the office -- and provide anti-bacterial wipes so that shared equipment and door and cabinet knobs can be sanitized after a sick employee uses them.

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who was martyred in the cause of civil rights in 1968. His words ring as true today as when he first uttered them: "We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope." His was a voice of reason in a time of insanity, silenced too soon.

DEAR ABBY: I'm two months pregnant with my second child. Our first child is a boy. My problem is my mother. She loves her grandson dearly, but she's desperate for a granddaughter.

Recently, the subject of names came up. Although we have already decided on a name if the child is a boy, we had not discussed girls names at length.

When Mother asked me what the girl's name would be, I said I had always liked "Melody," and that if I had my way, that is what I'd name a girl. My mother immediately started knitting an afghan with the name Melody on it.

A week later, my husband said that while he didn't mind the name Melody, he thought we should decide on a name together. I tried to tell Mom that Melody might not be the name we choose. Her response was, "Well, my granddaughter will always be Melody to me."

Mom and I are very close, but she can be extremely stubborn. What's the best way to tell her we have decided on another name? -- WHAT'S IN A NAME IN CANADA

DEAR WHAT'S: Tell her in plain English, and do it before the afghan has to be unraveled and redone. If she insists on completing the blanket with the wrong name, accept it graciously and quietly donate it to charity.

DEAR ABBY: I was a busy wife, mother and grandmother who had always been active and involved in my church and community. When my beloved husband died three years ago, everything changed. I became so consumed by grief, all my regular activities suddenly meant nothing to me.

My children and grandchildren were busy with their own families and careers. I missed having someone to talk to and began feeling deeply lonely, even in a crowd.

Then something remarkable happened: I learned I have an incurable cancer. I was so scared and worried, I couldn't eat or sleep. One of my sons took me to a world-famous cancer center. Everyone I met there was loving and kind, and radiated positive feelings. Once again, I felt surrounded by love -- and it changed my outlook.

I was able to return to my hometown for further treatment in a cancer center here, and I return to the larger center for follow-ups. Now I have the best of two worlds -- a world-famous cancer center a plane ride away, and the ability to sleep in my own bed at night. I also have people in two centers who treat me with love and respect. Community and church members are rallying around me to show their support. I feel blessed and content, and the best part is I am no longer afraid.

Abby, what do you think about my change in attitude? Am I in denial or experiencing some new stage of grief? I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to leave everyone behind. But I am not afraid to die. -- LOVING EVERY DAY WITHOUT FEAR

DEAR LOVING: What you have experienced could be called an epiphany. In your case, it may be the simple, striking and illuminating discovery that once you felt again surrounded by love, respect and security, leaving this world and joining your husband in the next no longer held terror, but gave you peace.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married. My niece -- a talented artist -- hand-painted flowers on wine glasses for the dinner reception following the ceremony. They were intended to be keepsakes for each of the adult guests.

The glasses turned out beautifully, and made each place setting extra special. I knew they'd be treasured by our family for years to come.

At the end of the evening, I gathered four glasses from our family's table, then glanced at the bridal table of eight -- as some guests approached to offer thanks for a fabulous evening. When I turned around, the four glasses were gone. Not only had glasses disappeared from our table, but also from the head table and from my niece's (the artist). Those of us who had worked hardest on the wedding were left with nothing -- and that includes the bride and groom.

The following day, someone mentioned to me that they had seen certain guests leave with four to six glasses each. One woman even had her child, who was loaded down with glasses, make several trips to her car.

We've figured out who the culprits were: some out-of-towners who stayed at the home of one of the groom's relatives. I heard that the glassware covered the entire top of their dining room table. My question: Should we ask these people to return the glasses? Thanks for your input, Abby. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR MOTHER: By all means ask -- but there is no guarantee they'll be returned. People who take more than their share usually feel an inflated sense of entitlement. Although their manners were atrocious, please don't let this cause in-law problems before the marriage has even begun. Perhaps out of sympathy, the artist will be generous enough to craft another pair of goblets for the bride and groom.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a one-year relationship with a wonderful man who is divorced with two children. The kids and I get along great -- or at least I thought we did. It turns out they are making up lies about me and telling their mother. My boyfriend and his ex have a strained relationship and fight about everything. I love his children, but I don't know how to handle this. What do you think I am doing wrong? -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN DULUTH

DEAR TELLING THE TRUTH: You're not doing anything wrong. Either the kids are trying to cause a breakup with the idea their parents will reunite, or they are telling their mother things they think she wants to hear. There's nothing you can do about it. Your boyfriend will have to clear the air with his former spouse.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who was raised in the South by a very proper mother. She told me that a man should never give a woman "intimate" gifts like lingerie.

A friend and I have argued about whether this "rule" applies today. I still believe the practice is unacceptable, even if you are engaged. She thinks it is OK. Please settle this so we can get on with our lives. -- CONFUSED IN OREGON

DEAR CONFUSED: Perhaps the two of you should agree to disagree on this one. Your mother is part of the "hands off" generation, and the logic was that knowing lingerie sizes was "too intimate" for couples who weren't married. In today's world, however, such logic would put companies like La Perla and Victoria's Secret out of business.