DEAR ABBY: I'm two months pregnant with my second child. Our first child is a boy. My problem is my mother. She loves her grandson dearly, but she's desperate for a granddaughter.

Recently, the subject of names came up. Although we have already decided on a name if the child is a boy, we had not discussed girls names at length.

When Mother asked me what the girl's name would be, I said I had always liked "Melody," and that if I had my way, that is what I'd name a girl. My mother immediately started knitting an afghan with the name Melody on it.

A week later, my husband said that while he didn't mind the name Melody, he thought we should decide on a name together. I tried to tell Mom that Melody might not be the name we choose. Her response was, "Well, my granddaughter will always be Melody to me."

Mom and I are very close, but she can be extremely stubborn. What's the best way to tell her we have decided on another name? -- WHAT'S IN A NAME IN CANADA

DEAR WHAT'S: Tell her in plain English, and do it before the afghan has to be unraveled and redone. If she insists on completing the blanket with the wrong name, accept it graciously and quietly donate it to charity.

DEAR ABBY: I was a busy wife, mother and grandmother who had always been active and involved in my church and community. When my beloved husband died three years ago, everything changed. I became so consumed by grief, all my regular activities suddenly meant nothing to me.

My children and grandchildren were busy with their own families and careers. I missed having someone to talk to and began feeling deeply lonely, even in a crowd.

Then something remarkable happened: I learned I have an incurable cancer. I was so scared and worried, I couldn't eat or sleep. One of my sons took me to a world-famous cancer center. Everyone I met there was loving and kind, and radiated positive feelings. Once again, I felt surrounded by love -- and it changed my outlook.

I was able to return to my hometown for further treatment in a cancer center here, and I return to the larger center for follow-ups. Now I have the best of two worlds -- a world-famous cancer center a plane ride away, and the ability to sleep in my own bed at night. I also have people in two centers who treat me with love and respect. Community and church members are rallying around me to show their support. I feel blessed and content, and the best part is I am no longer afraid.

Abby, what do you think about my change in attitude? Am I in denial or experiencing some new stage of grief? I don't want to have cancer. I don't want to leave everyone behind. But I am not afraid to die. -- LOVING EVERY DAY WITHOUT FEAR

DEAR LOVING: What you have experienced could be called an epiphany. In your case, it may be the simple, striking and illuminating discovery that once you felt again surrounded by love, respect and security, leaving this world and joining your husband in the next no longer held terror, but gave you peace.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married. My niece -- a talented artist -- hand-painted flowers on wine glasses for the dinner reception following the ceremony. They were intended to be keepsakes for each of the adult guests.

The glasses turned out beautifully, and made each place setting extra special. I knew they'd be treasured by our family for years to come.

At the end of the evening, I gathered four glasses from our family's table, then glanced at the bridal table of eight -- as some guests approached to offer thanks for a fabulous evening. When I turned around, the four glasses were gone. Not only had glasses disappeared from our table, but also from the head table and from my niece's (the artist). Those of us who had worked hardest on the wedding were left with nothing -- and that includes the bride and groom.

The following day, someone mentioned to me that they had seen certain guests leave with four to six glasses each. One woman even had her child, who was loaded down with glasses, make several trips to her car.

We've figured out who the culprits were: some out-of-towners who stayed at the home of one of the groom's relatives. I heard that the glassware covered the entire top of their dining room table. My question: Should we ask these people to return the glasses? Thanks for your input, Abby. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR MOTHER: By all means ask -- but there is no guarantee they'll be returned. People who take more than their share usually feel an inflated sense of entitlement. Although their manners were atrocious, please don't let this cause in-law problems before the marriage has even begun. Perhaps out of sympathy, the artist will be generous enough to craft another pair of goblets for the bride and groom.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a one-year relationship with a wonderful man who is divorced with two children. The kids and I get along great -- or at least I thought we did. It turns out they are making up lies about me and telling their mother. My boyfriend and his ex have a strained relationship and fight about everything. I love his children, but I don't know how to handle this. What do you think I am doing wrong? -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN DULUTH

DEAR TELLING THE TRUTH: You're not doing anything wrong. Either the kids are trying to cause a breakup with the idea their parents will reunite, or they are telling their mother things they think she wants to hear. There's nothing you can do about it. Your boyfriend will have to clear the air with his former spouse.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who was raised in the South by a very proper mother. She told me that a man should never give a woman "intimate" gifts like lingerie.

A friend and I have argued about whether this "rule" applies today. I still believe the practice is unacceptable, even if you are engaged. She thinks it is OK. Please settle this so we can get on with our lives. -- CONFUSED IN OREGON

DEAR CONFUSED: Perhaps the two of you should agree to disagree on this one. Your mother is part of the "hands off" generation, and the logic was that knowing lingerie sizes was "too intimate" for couples who weren't married. In today's world, however, such logic would put companies like La Perla and Victoria's Secret out of business.

DEAR READERS: My beloved mother, Pauline Phillips, has passed away peacefully at the age of 94. Over the last quarter century Alzheimer's disease had stolen away bit by bit her remarkable intellect, but she battled her illness with courage and dignity. She was my best friend who can never be replaced.

As those of you who have read this column when my mother wrote it know, Mama had a deeply caring heart, a lively sense of humor and a deep devotion to all of you. She tried every day to educate, enlighten and entertain, and to inspire civility and respect for others in the many thousands of people who sought her advice.

Her days in the office were spent answering letters and calling people who were in distress. Over the years, her list of sources, friends and contacts grew into a Rolodex that was legendary. The demands on her time and travel were many, but she was a loving mother, loyal wife, a caring friend and wonderful role model.

Mama was born on July 4, 1918, to Russian immigrant parents and was the youngest of four daughters. She often said that until she was 12 she thought all the fireworks were for her and her identical twin sister, Esther (Eppie).

She always had an interest in and deep concern for other people. After her marriage to my father, Morton Phillips, she put that interest into action and became president of her local mental health society and trained Gray Ladies for the American Red Cross. She honed her skills as a writer by writing a letter to her parents every day and to her sister-in-law who had contracted polio and spent a year in an iron lung.

I would like to convey my heartfelt gratitude to my mother's devoted, highly professional caregivers, Jane Ebertowski, Rachael Reisdorf and Erna Hoche, who were at her side 24/7 for the last 11 years. They are angels on earth and brilliant at what they do.

Please join me and offer a prayer for my mother. She had an amazing journey from Sioux City, Iowa, to shaking hands with U.S. presidents and British royalty. Ask that her spirit be surrounded by the souls of the many individuals whom she loved and who loved her. She has sat in God's waiting room for so many years, and now may their souls be joined together. -- JEANNE PHILLIPS, AKA GRIEVING IN MINNEAPOLIS