DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Arthur," and I are planning a trip. One stop will be to see some friends of his, "Mac" and "Annie," from years back. I am dreading the visit.

Last year, Arthur had a heart attack. I called some of our closest friends to let them know he was in the hospital. One couple knew Mac and Annie, and told them about his illness.

Mac and Annie then called me and yelled at me for "allowing" my husband to get ill. I hung up, but they called back when I was at the hospital and left another hate-filled message on our answering machine. Not wanting Arthur to get upset, I erased it and never told him.

Abby, I don't want to see these people. I know I'll be suppressing the urge to slap them both, but I intend to try to be gracious. Should I tell my husband about my last encounter with them, or trust that they have enough sense not to bring up the matter? -- DREADING THE VISIT IN TEXAS

DEAR DREADING: What exactly is it that you should have done to prevent your husband from having the heart attack -- thrown your body over his fork so he couldn't eat the "wrong" foods, nagged him into quitting smoking, or "forced" him to exercise and adopt a different lifestyle? You're his wife, not his mother.

You should absolutely tell your husband about those outrageous phone calls. Do not assume that folks with such an absence of common sense that they would attack you during a family crisis wouldn't do something equally inappropriate during the visit.

Frankly, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid them. Your husband should clear the air before either of you see them -- if you decide to see them at all.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are on an extremely tight budget since I lost my job and he was forced to retire early because of health issues. We have a nice home (paid for) and older vehicles, and we have no complaints about our lifestyle other than being more penny-conscious to cover our basic expenses.

We receive numerous wedding invitations from our grown children's friends, whom we have known and loved since they were all in high school together. Our problem is what to do about a gift for them when we don't have the money for one. We love to attend the weddings and receptions, but I feel bad about not taking a gift.

What's the right thing to do? Do we go and not take anything, offer an explanation or decline the invitation? I always send a card and I don't want anyone to think we are cheap. My son was married last year, and people were very generous with their gifts, which I really appreciated.

We also received six graduation announcements last spring -- same issue. I'd really appreciate some advice. -- TIGHTENING OUR BELTS IN MISSOURI

DEAR TIGHTENING: When you receive a wedding invitation from one of your children's former high school friends, pick up the phone and explain your current circumstances and the fact that they, regrettably, prevent you from attending. That will leave the door open for them to invite you to come anyway. If the invitation is a sincere wish to share their special day with you and not a gift grab, they'll tell you your presence is all the "gift" they need. However, if they don't, send a card extending your good wishes.

As for the graduation announcements, they should be acknowledged with a nice card and a sweet note of congratulations. You are under no obligation to send a gift.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me spread an important message to people who receive Social Security or other federal benefits each month via one of the estimated 5.4 million paper checks each month. Starting March 1, 2013, the Treasury Department is requiring all Social Security, VA, SSI and other federal beneficiaries receive their benefits by electronic payment. Senior citizens and other federal beneficiaries may choose either direct deposit or the Treasury-recommended Direct Express Debit MasterCard.

This new payment method is not optional. It is the law. Besides saving taxpayers money, switching to electronic payments provides a safer, more convenient and cost-effective way for people to get their federal benefits than paper checks.

Individuals who need assistance in switching to electronic payment can call the Treasury's secure Go Direct Call Center at 800-333-1795. Our agents are specially trained to answer questions and complete the switch-over process in less than 10 minutes.

We urge people not to wait until the last minute to make this important change. Thank you for your help, Abby. -- WALT HENDERSON, GO DIRECT CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR

DEAR MR. HENDERSON: You have come to the right place. Dear Abby readers are the most caring and generous people in the world, and I know they will be glad to help us spread the word.

Readers, if you or people you care about will be affected by this massive change in the way benefits are being distributed, please clip or copy this column and be sure those people are informed. And when you do, tell them that when they make the call, they must have either their most recent benefit check on hand, or know their 12-digit federal benefit check number. To arrange for direct deposit, they will also need to know their bank's or credit union's routing transit number and their account number.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away a year ago. Four days after his funeral I received my copy of the church pictorial directory. My husband and I had posed together for our picture. Abby, they used the same photo with his image cropped out.

I don't have words to describe how shocked and hurt I felt when I saw it. While I am healing well, knowing that my husband is happy in heaven, that cropped photo still hurts. It is also being displayed on a bulletin board with members' pictures, along with two new widows' cropped photos.

Am I being overly sensitive? I'm certain nobody meant any harm. Still, I can't imagine anyone would have done this to a family photo if a child had died. Should I address the problem? I'd love to know what other widows and widowers think about this. -- SLASHED APART IN FLORIDA

DEAR SLASHED APART: Handle this by telling whoever is in charge of that pictorial directory, and the bulletin board, how you felt when you saw the photo. Then tell the person -- and if necessary the clergyman -- that you would like a replacement photograph taken and displayed. I am 100 percent sure the other widows will appreciate it because what happened was extremely insensitive.

DEAR ABBY: I spent the afternoon running errands. As I left the shopping center, I saw a young couple with a baby and a toddler holding a sign requesting help with food, as the husband had just been laid off. I drove past, then considered the children and circled back.

I had no cash with me, so I stopped and offered them our family's dinner -- a jar of premium spaghetti sauce, a pound of fresh ground beef, a box of dried spaghetti, fruit cups that my children usually take to school for treats, and some canned soups I occasionally have for lunch.

Imagine my surprise when the couple declined my generosity. Instead, the man strongly suggested that I should go to a nearby ATM and withdraw cash to donate to them because they preferred to select their own groceries and pay their phone bills. What are your thoughts on this? -- GENUINELY PUZZLED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR PUZZLED: What happened is a shame. Some families are truly in need and should be guided to a shelter so they can receive help getting back on their feet. However, in some cities you see the same people on the same streets for long periods of time. They have staked out their "turf," and because the money they are given is tax-free, some of them are doing quite well. In your case, the couple you saw holding the sign may have been professional panhandlers, and the children may have been "borrowed."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been separated for a year and I have filed for divorce. We have reached an agreement about everything except one thing: our tortoise. This may seem strange, but Herbert has always been our "child." I think of him as my kid, and I believe my husband when he says he loves him that much, too. We got Herbert as a baby that fit into the palm of my hand. Herbert is now 9, very large and lives in the backyard in a "doghouse" structure.

The problem is, my husband still wants to see Herbert. He agrees that he will visit only when I am not at home. I don't distrust him or worry he will try to take Herbert, but I just don't want him here.

I know that if Herbert is mine legally, I won't have to let anyone see him. Once our divorce is final, I want nothing more to do with my husband and he knows that. But it's like telling someone he could never see his kid again. I'd really like to know your thoughts. -- NICOLE IN SANFORD, FLA.

DEAR NICOLE: Because you can't split Herbert in half, why not consider shared custody? If your husband can provide a safe place for the tortoise to stay while he's with "Daddy," you could work out an agreement so that you could exchange your "kid" at a neutral place -- such as your veterinarian's office -- and you wouldn't have to see your husband and vice versa.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been separated for a year and I have filed for divorce. We have reached an agreement about everything except one thing: our tortoise. This may seem strange, but Herbert has always been our "child." I think of him as my kid, and I believe my husband when he says he loves him that much, too. We got Herbert as a baby that fit into the palm of my hand. Herbert is now 9, very large and lives in the backyard in a "doghouse" structure.

The problem is, my husband still wants to see Herbert. He agrees that he will visit only when I am not at home. I don't distrust him or worry he will try to take Herbert, but I just don't want him here.

I know that if Herbert is mine legally, I won't have to let anyone see him. Once our divorce is final, I want nothing more to do with my husband and he knows that. But it's like telling someone he could never see his kid again. I'd really like to know your thoughts. -- NICOLE IN SANFORD, FLA.

DEAR NICOLE: Because you can't split Herbert in half, why not consider shared custody? If your husband can provide a safe place for the tortoise to stay while he's with "Daddy," you could work out an agreement so that you could exchange your "kid" at a neutral place -- such as your veterinarian's office -- and you wouldn't have to see your husband and vice versa.