DEAR ABBY: Please help me spread an important message to people who receive Social Security or other federal benefits each month via one of the estimated 5.4 million paper checks each month. Starting March 1, 2013, the Treasury Department is requiring all Social Security, VA, SSI and other federal beneficiaries receive their benefits by electronic payment. Senior citizens and other federal beneficiaries may choose either direct deposit or the Treasury-recommended Direct Express Debit MasterCard.

This new payment method is not optional. It is the law. Besides saving taxpayers money, switching to electronic payments provides a safer, more convenient and cost-effective way for people to get their federal benefits than paper checks.

Individuals who need assistance in switching to electronic payment can call the Treasury's secure Go Direct Call Center at 800-333-1795. Our agents are specially trained to answer questions and complete the switch-over process in less than 10 minutes.

We urge people not to wait until the last minute to make this important change. Thank you for your help, Abby. -- WALT HENDERSON, GO DIRECT CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR

DEAR MR. HENDERSON: You have come to the right place. Dear Abby readers are the most caring and generous people in the world, and I know they will be glad to help us spread the word.

Readers, if you or people you care about will be affected by this massive change in the way benefits are being distributed, please clip or copy this column and be sure those people are informed. And when you do, tell them that when they make the call, they must have either their most recent benefit check on hand, or know their 12-digit federal benefit check number. To arrange for direct deposit, they will also need to know their bank's or credit union's routing transit number and their account number.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away a year ago. Four days after his funeral I received my copy of the church pictorial directory. My husband and I had posed together for our picture. Abby, they used the same photo with his image cropped out.

I don't have words to describe how shocked and hurt I felt when I saw it. While I am healing well, knowing that my husband is happy in heaven, that cropped photo still hurts. It is also being displayed on a bulletin board with members' pictures, along with two new widows' cropped photos.

Am I being overly sensitive? I'm certain nobody meant any harm. Still, I can't imagine anyone would have done this to a family photo if a child had died. Should I address the problem? I'd love to know what other widows and widowers think about this. -- SLASHED APART IN FLORIDA

DEAR SLASHED APART: Handle this by telling whoever is in charge of that pictorial directory, and the bulletin board, how you felt when you saw the photo. Then tell the person -- and if necessary the clergyman -- that you would like a replacement photograph taken and displayed. I am 100 percent sure the other widows will appreciate it because what happened was extremely insensitive.

DEAR ABBY: I spent the afternoon running errands. As I left the shopping center, I saw a young couple with a baby and a toddler holding a sign requesting help with food, as the husband had just been laid off. I drove past, then considered the children and circled back.

I had no cash with me, so I stopped and offered them our family's dinner -- a jar of premium spaghetti sauce, a pound of fresh ground beef, a box of dried spaghetti, fruit cups that my children usually take to school for treats, and some canned soups I occasionally have for lunch.

Imagine my surprise when the couple declined my generosity. Instead, the man strongly suggested that I should go to a nearby ATM and withdraw cash to donate to them because they preferred to select their own groceries and pay their phone bills. What are your thoughts on this? -- GENUINELY PUZZLED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR PUZZLED: What happened is a shame. Some families are truly in need and should be guided to a shelter so they can receive help getting back on their feet. However, in some cities you see the same people on the same streets for long periods of time. They have staked out their "turf," and because the money they are given is tax-free, some of them are doing quite well. In your case, the couple you saw holding the sign may have been professional panhandlers, and the children may have been "borrowed."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been separated for a year and I have filed for divorce. We have reached an agreement about everything except one thing: our tortoise. This may seem strange, but Herbert has always been our "child." I think of him as my kid, and I believe my husband when he says he loves him that much, too. We got Herbert as a baby that fit into the palm of my hand. Herbert is now 9, very large and lives in the backyard in a "doghouse" structure.

The problem is, my husband still wants to see Herbert. He agrees that he will visit only when I am not at home. I don't distrust him or worry he will try to take Herbert, but I just don't want him here.

I know that if Herbert is mine legally, I won't have to let anyone see him. Once our divorce is final, I want nothing more to do with my husband and he knows that. But it's like telling someone he could never see his kid again. I'd really like to know your thoughts. -- NICOLE IN SANFORD, FLA.

DEAR NICOLE: Because you can't split Herbert in half, why not consider shared custody? If your husband can provide a safe place for the tortoise to stay while he's with "Daddy," you could work out an agreement so that you could exchange your "kid" at a neutral place -- such as your veterinarian's office -- and you wouldn't have to see your husband and vice versa.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary next summer, and we're planning to renew our vows. I'm trying to decide if I should wear my original wedding gown. (I wore it on our 25th anniversary.)

Would it be in good taste to wear the same dress, or should I go with something else? We'll be inviting some of the same people who attended the 25th anniversary party. -- MARY IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR MARY: Congratulations on your long and happy marriage. If you can still fit into your original wedding dress, by all means wear it. I consider it an accomplishment. You'll be the envy of most of the women at your celebration, and probably some of the men.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the youngest of three children and I'll be graduating from high school in the spring. My parents always seemed happy with each other. They were obviously in love, and they told my brothers and me they would never get divorced. Although they had arguments, they always made up, and it never seemed to be serious.

For the last few months, my dad has been acting weird. He spends a lot of time talking to and texting "a friend" on the phone. The problem is, although the friend has a male name ("George") in his contacts, the person has a female voice. I didn't think anything about it until recently, when I turned on Dad's phone to play a game and it was open to a series of text messages between him and this "friend." What I saw made it clear that something is up. Mom knows nothing about it.

I love my father, but I don't think I can handle this. I can't believe he'd do this to our family, especially since all of us are going through a really hard time lately.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want our family to fall apart. But I can't stay quiet. What should I do? -- BLINDSIDED IN JERSEY

DEAR BLINDSIDED: I agree that you can't keep quiet about this. What you saw was, of course, shocking -- and the person you should talk to about it is your father. Sometimes when people are going through a really tough time, they do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. Your mother may -- or may not -- have an inkling that something is going on.

Ask your father if the text means he plans to leave the family. Then give him a deadline to come clean with your mother, and let him know that if he doesn't, you will. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband was sober for 14 years. He started drinking again two years ago. He's on probation and drinking is a clear violation of his probation. His liver enzymes are elevated, and I can't seem to find the right words to get his attention. I have thought about contacting his probation officer, but then he will be incarcerated.

Abby, I am watching the man I love drink himself to death and I'm afraid for him. Should I tell his probation officer or just watch him self-destruct? -- SCARED AND CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SCARED: The reason you can't get your husband's attention is because of the alcohol. He isn't thinking straight. As I am sure you realize, one of the hallmarks of addiction is denial. No one helps an alcoholic by enabling the person to continue drinking, and your husband definitely needs help.

While it may not be easy, talk to the probation officer so your husband can be incarcerated, dry out and become rational again. I know it is a painful choice, but watching him die of liver disease would be worse.

DEAR ABBY: Can you answer something for me? If the abbreviation for "mister" is "Mr.," then why is there an R in "Mrs." when there's no R in the word it's short for? -- INQUISITIVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INQUISITIVE: According to my America Heritage Dictionary (4th Edition), "'Mrs.' is the abbreviation of the word 'mistress'" -- an antiquated term for a married or widowed woman.