DEAR ABBY: I spent the afternoon running errands. As I left the shopping center, I saw a young couple with a baby and a toddler holding a sign requesting help with food, as the husband had just been laid off. I drove past, then considered the children and circled back.

I had no cash with me, so I stopped and offered them our family's dinner -- a jar of premium spaghetti sauce, a pound of fresh ground beef, a box of dried spaghetti, fruit cups that my children usually take to school for treats, and some canned soups I occasionally have for lunch.

Imagine my surprise when the couple declined my generosity. Instead, the man strongly suggested that I should go to a nearby ATM and withdraw cash to donate to them because they preferred to select their own groceries and pay their phone bills. What are your thoughts on this? -- GENUINELY PUZZLED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR PUZZLED: What happened is a shame. Some families are truly in need and should be guided to a shelter so they can receive help getting back on their feet. However, in some cities you see the same people on the same streets for long periods of time. They have staked out their "turf," and because the money they are given is tax-free, some of them are doing quite well. In your case, the couple you saw holding the sign may have been professional panhandlers, and the children may have been "borrowed."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been separated for a year and I have filed for divorce. We have reached an agreement about everything except one thing: our tortoise. This may seem strange, but Herbert has always been our "child." I think of him as my kid, and I believe my husband when he says he loves him that much, too. We got Herbert as a baby that fit into the palm of my hand. Herbert is now 9, very large and lives in the backyard in a "doghouse" structure.

The problem is, my husband still wants to see Herbert. He agrees that he will visit only when I am not at home. I don't distrust him or worry he will try to take Herbert, but I just don't want him here.

I know that if Herbert is mine legally, I won't have to let anyone see him. Once our divorce is final, I want nothing more to do with my husband and he knows that. But it's like telling someone he could never see his kid again. I'd really like to know your thoughts. -- NICOLE IN SANFORD, FLA.

DEAR NICOLE: Because you can't split Herbert in half, why not consider shared custody? If your husband can provide a safe place for the tortoise to stay while he's with "Daddy," you could work out an agreement so that you could exchange your "kid" at a neutral place -- such as your veterinarian's office -- and you wouldn't have to see your husband and vice versa.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary next summer, and we're planning to renew our vows. I'm trying to decide if I should wear my original wedding gown. (I wore it on our 25th anniversary.)

Would it be in good taste to wear the same dress, or should I go with something else? We'll be inviting some of the same people who attended the 25th anniversary party. -- MARY IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR MARY: Congratulations on your long and happy marriage. If you can still fit into your original wedding dress, by all means wear it. I consider it an accomplishment. You'll be the envy of most of the women at your celebration, and probably some of the men.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the youngest of three children and I'll be graduating from high school in the spring. My parents always seemed happy with each other. They were obviously in love, and they told my brothers and me they would never get divorced. Although they had arguments, they always made up, and it never seemed to be serious.

For the last few months, my dad has been acting weird. He spends a lot of time talking to and texting "a friend" on the phone. The problem is, although the friend has a male name ("George") in his contacts, the person has a female voice. I didn't think anything about it until recently, when I turned on Dad's phone to play a game and it was open to a series of text messages between him and this "friend." What I saw made it clear that something is up. Mom knows nothing about it.

I love my father, but I don't think I can handle this. I can't believe he'd do this to our family, especially since all of us are going through a really hard time lately.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want our family to fall apart. But I can't stay quiet. What should I do? -- BLINDSIDED IN JERSEY

DEAR BLINDSIDED: I agree that you can't keep quiet about this. What you saw was, of course, shocking -- and the person you should talk to about it is your father. Sometimes when people are going through a really tough time, they do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. Your mother may -- or may not -- have an inkling that something is going on.

Ask your father if the text means he plans to leave the family. Then give him a deadline to come clean with your mother, and let him know that if he doesn't, you will. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband was sober for 14 years. He started drinking again two years ago. He's on probation and drinking is a clear violation of his probation. His liver enzymes are elevated, and I can't seem to find the right words to get his attention. I have thought about contacting his probation officer, but then he will be incarcerated.

Abby, I am watching the man I love drink himself to death and I'm afraid for him. Should I tell his probation officer or just watch him self-destruct? -- SCARED AND CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SCARED: The reason you can't get your husband's attention is because of the alcohol. He isn't thinking straight. As I am sure you realize, one of the hallmarks of addiction is denial. No one helps an alcoholic by enabling the person to continue drinking, and your husband definitely needs help.

While it may not be easy, talk to the probation officer so your husband can be incarcerated, dry out and become rational again. I know it is a painful choice, but watching him die of liver disease would be worse.

DEAR ABBY: Can you answer something for me? If the abbreviation for "mister" is "Mr.," then why is there an R in "Mrs." when there's no R in the word it's short for? -- INQUISITIVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INQUISITIVE: According to my America Heritage Dictionary (4th Edition), "'Mrs.' is the abbreviation of the word 'mistress'" -- an antiquated term for a married or widowed woman.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I run a restaurant in a small town. Recently, my wife came home on my day off and told me that during the lunch hour, one of our servers had come into the kitchen and announced that they'd need extra sanitizer on table 29 because a mother was changing her baby on it!

What has happened in our society that people don't understand that this is unsanitary and rude? Had I been there, I don't know that I could have kept a civil tongue, and I feel like people today regard my disgust as unreasonable. Is there something I'm missing here? -- CAFE CRAZY

DEAR "CRAZY": I don't know who you have been talking to, but your disgust is not "unreasonable." What that mother was missing was common sense and courtesy for those around her. I agree that changing a baby on a restaurant table was out of the ballpark -- particularly if a changing table was available in the women's restroom of your cafe. (I'm assuming there is one, but if there isn't, the situation should be immediately rectified.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Gene," and I were married for five years until our divorce six months ago. We still live together and are dating each other. We had so many issues, I felt there needed to be a fresh start, including filing for divorce and living apart.

Now that we have started over, moved away from our hometown and gotten rid of several "friends," our issues are gone and we're financially stable. In fact, our relationship is better than ever.

Since things are now worked out, I'd like us to get remarried. I told him before our divorce that I hoped we could resolve things and marry again. Now he's not sure, because he says if we got divorced again, he couldn't bear the hurt. He says he still doesn't understand why our "fresh start" included a divorce.

Abby, we love each other. We want to be together forever and have children. I don't want to be dating my ex-husband indefinitely. Do you have advice for us? -- GOING NOWHERE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR GOING NOWHERE: I sure do. In the interest of solidifying your fresh start, you and Gene should sign up for some premarital counseling. If you do, you may be able to help him understand why you felt the way you did. With counseling, you can sure that your problems are fully resolved, and it may reassure him that this time there won't be another divorce. If you are thinking about a religious ceremony, the officiant may even require it.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and mother went to a movie recently. My sister became concerned that her husband and kids were locked out of the house, so she quickly took out her phone and texted her husband. It took less than 30 seconds.

A minute later a large man came down the stairs of the theater, got right in her face and began berating her -- telling her she was rude for pulling out her phone. It was so upsetting that she and Mom got up and left.

I understand that she should have stepped out of the theater to text. However, the man caused more of a scene than her texting did. What makes people think it is OK to treat people badly? -- HOLLY IN KOKOMO

DEAR HOLLY: The same thing that made your sister think it was OK to use her cellphone in a darkened theater. She's lucky that all she got was a lecture because these days many people have short fuses.