DEAR ABBY: My daughter was repeatedly date-raped at the age of 16. Her predator threatened to kill her if she ever told, so she kept it to herself until she could get away from him. It was a very scary time in her life, but with the help of counseling she is working through it and moving on with her life.

The problem is, while visiting with my in-laws it was pointed out to us that my mother-in-law had made a collage of pictures and included in it the person who raped my daughter. In all, there are five pictures of him in group settings. When my husband asked her calmly to remove them, she refused. She says it would punish the other grandchildren if she removed the pictures, and it would "ruin her collage."

We have asked her three times, but she refuses to budge. She says we all need counseling and that the request is completely out of line. Do you think our request was out of line? -- APPALLED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR APPALLED: Of course not! Was your mother-in-law aware of what this person had done to her granddaughter when the collage was created? If so, her reaction is bizarre and unbelievably insensitive.

Approach her once more and ask if she would agree to take the collage to a photographer so your daughter's attacker can be digitally edited out of it. If that's not possible, perhaps she would agree to take down the collage when your family visits. However, if the response to that request is also negative, I wouldn't blame you if you went there very rarely, if ever.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to people when they tell you they will "pray for you" when you're dealing with an illness or other life tragedy if you are a nonbeliever? Statistics say that 34 percent of Americans are nonbelievers, so please address this to the 34 percent who share my feelings of appreciation for the sentiment, but feel like hypocrites for playing along to reciprocate their kindness. I wonder if any of your nonbeliever readers can share how they internally deal with this dilemma. -- NONBELIEVER, BUT GRATEFUL

DEAR NONBELIEVER: I'm sure they will, in droves. However, because nonbelievers physically resemble those who are believers, and nonbelievers don't usually wear symbols indicating their nonbelief, it's understandable that someone of faith would attempt to offer comfort that way. And most people battling a serious illness welcome a "blast of positivity," whether it is couched in religious terms or not.

When someone offers to pray for you, it's usually because the person cares about you, knows you are sick and feels helpless to offer anything more to help. Accept it for what it is, and say thank you rather than tell the person that what they offered is, in your eyes, worthless. That's called being gracious -- regardless of your religious or nonreligious convictions.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of eight years will not resolve his foot odor problem. We live in a small apartment, and it's humiliating when we have company and half the apartment smells like stinky feet.

He refuses to wear socks, and his solution in winter is to open all the windows and turn on the fan as soon as he returns from work. The "airing out" never completely gets rid of the smell -- and I freeze! How can I get him to change? -- FED UP IN MANHATTAN

DEAR FED UP: You obviously can't change your husband, but you don't have to risk getting pneumonia, either. Shoe repair shops sell deodorizing products in the form of sprays and powders. Or buy a large container of baking soda, and when your husband removes his shoes, dump a cupful into each one. They next day the smell should be gone.

DEAR ABBY: How can I set healthy boundaries with my best friend without feeling guilty? I have always been supportive and available because I sympathized with her difficult family dynamics during childhood and adulthood. She often talks to me about her problems with family and ever-changing relationships with men, but rarely allows me or others to share their points of view or personal concerns. Saying "no" to her is challenging under any circumstance, and she demands that all focus be on her in social situations.

I love and accept my friend as she is, and I try to give her all the grace I have. I now realize that setting healthy boundaries is the only way I can sustain our friendship. I know this dynamic may put a strain on our relationship, so why do I feel so guilty? -- TESTED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TESTED: That's a good question, and one that I can't definitively answer for you. It's possible that like many women, you were raised to believe that if you assert yourself you won't be considered "nice." That's a mistake because as long as you allow this friend to take advantage of you -- and that is what she's doing -- the more your resentment will build until the relationship becomes one of diminishing returns. So tell this self-centered person as nicely as possible that you are not a therapist, and because her problems persist, she should talk to one.

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked the other day when a friend of mine said that many women remain in terrible marriages because of finances. She said those types of marriages are accepted worldwide, so why not in America? She also said she thinks that shame is attached if a woman admits the only reason she is staying with her husband is a monetary one.

The women she was talking about are baby boomers and older. After thinking about it, I remember my mother and mother-in-law saying that money was why they remained in their marriages. Is this as prevalent as my friend stated? I find it sad that this could be true. It reminds me of the Tina Turner song -- what's love got to do with it? Could you comment, please? -- IN IT FOR LOVE

DEAR IN IT: If you're asking if I have statistics on the number of women who stay married only for economic reasons, the answer is no. Most of the people who write to me are unhappy, which would skew the numbers in a negative direction.

I hope you realize that the women you have described -- an older demographic -- were probably not economically independent when they married. It was common in their generation to go straight from their parents' houses to their husbands'. For many years I -- and my mother before me -- have urged women to make sure they are self-supporting before they marry, "just in case" they may have to be afterward.

Staying in a marriage without love is like serving a life sentence with an incompatible cellmate. Your mother and mother-in-law have my sympathy, and so do their husbands.

DEAR ABBY: Do you ever get tired of giving advice to people who ask commonsense questions, or those who probably know the answer to their problems if they just thought it out? -- JIM IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR JIM: The answer to your question is no. I love what I do and consider it an honor to be trusted. While the reply to a question may be obvious to you, it isn't to the person who asks me. Common sense tends to go out the window when there are strong emotions involved.

DEAR ABBY: Please help save my marriage. My wife of five years discovered an Internet browser history of 13 Web pages I had clicked on the previous day. The pages were of women's sexy lips. My wife is calling it "porn" and a "gateway to porn." I feel guilty about it, but I told her it isn't pornography. I think it's a fetish. She says I'm using that word to get off the hook.

Will you please tell her that this probably is a fetish? Our sex life has not been the same since she discovered the images on the computer. What can we do about it in a way that will strengthen our marriage? -- NOT GUILTY AS CHARGED

DEAR NOT GUILTY: It's a shame you and your wife hadn't discussed what turns you on before she checked your browser history. A fetish is any object that turns someone on, and it can range from large breasts, to stiletto heels, to leather or rubber items of clothing, to full red lips. It is not pornography.

A way to strengthen your marriage would be for you to buy her a tube of bright red lipstick. And a way for her to improve your sex life would be to put it on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl with a sister and a brother. I was recently told by my dad that I have to teach my brother how to read, but the problem is he has a learning disability and a behavior disorder. I don't know how I'm supposed to teach him to read, and it scares me.

On top of that, my dad got mad at my sister and me and said that when we were younger we were just like my brother, only worse. He said he was close to giving up on us. Sometimes Dad says we're worthless, stupid and asks why we're even in this world. He says we're not good for anything.

I have a slight form of autism, so I'm sort of slow doing certain things other kids do at my age. I feel like I'll never be as smart as anyone else, and I have no clue how I'm going to teach my disabled brother to read. Help! -- LOST, ALONE AND WORRIED IN URBANA, ILL.

DEAR LOST: It would be wonderful if you could teach your learning disabled brother how to read, but you are not equipped to do that. Your brother should be in a special education class with a teacher who has the specialized training -- and, possibly, a tutor.

Sometimes, when parents are extremely stressed or angry they can say things they don't mean without thinking of the lasting effect their words can have on a child. You are neither worthless nor stupid. You are an intelligent girl. Frankly, your father appears to be in need of some help, and I hope you will share with a counselor at your school what you have told me.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son is refusing to wear a bicycle helmet because he has decided it's "uncool." My husband and I have always worn them, but here in Texas many people don't. There's no state law requiring it.

I know how devastating the effects of a head injury can be and I want to prevent my son from getting one. How can I help my teenager see that protecting his brain is more important than looking "cool" to his friends who don't wear them? My son insists I am ... AN OVERPROTECTIVE MOM

DEAR OVERPROTECTIVE MOM: Contact your son's pediatrician and ask if he or she can facilitate a tour of a rehabilitation facility that treats people with traumatic brain injuries. If that doesn't convince your son, nothing will.