DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old woman and have been in a committed relationship with "Max" for six years. He proposed four years ago and I told him I wanted to marry him, except I wasn't ready at that time.

The years have gone by, and we have flourished as a couple. Most people would swear that we're already married. However, I have been worrying lately that I might have blown my chance for another proposal. Max doesn't mention marriage anymore except if I initiate conversation with a related topic. Some of our mutual friends are now engaged and Max has made no comment on the future of our relationship. He seems content in our current state.

I feel silly for wanting to be proposed to again, but it is important to me. I don't want to be pushy and force Max into it. Should I talk to him about it or wait it out and see? -- HOPEFUL FUTURE BRIDE IN NEVADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: Max is not a mind reader. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so if you want a second proposal, squeak up and tell him so. Because you put him off before, he may think you are still not ready for further commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I can't believe I'm actually writing to you, but I need an answer to this question. What is the time limit for acknowledging someone's attendance at a memorial service?

My mother passed away nine months ago. Our relationship had not been an easy one. She had been ill, but the end came very quickly. My youngest sister had died two years before.

To make a long story short, I went into a total meltdown. Life just stopped for me. Would it be appropriate to "come clean" and tell everyone that I was grossly overwhelmed (an understatement) with my grieving, or should I just send a short acknowledgment, thanking them for the time they took to attend my mother's memorial? -- WONDERING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WONDERING: Grief is an individual process. No two people grieve exactly alike, and most of us understand that. It is never too late to say thank you, and if you include an explanation with your acknowledgment, it would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am sending out our annual Christmas cards. I do not want to include my husband's name on them this year. We haven't spoken to each other in two years. We still occupy the same house -- but thank God it's large so we don't have to see each other often. We have a son away at college. Please tell me it is OK. -- MARRIED AND NOT, ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR MARRIED AND NOT: If you follow your impulse and omit your husband's name from the cards, it will be like announcing that he is dead or that you have separated. While I sympathize with you, do not omit his name unless you are prepared to answer the questions that will surely follow. If you're ready to "make an announcement," then do as you wish.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 41-year-old female working on my associate's degree in paralegal studies. Most people I know tell me I'm attractive, and I do get some second looks from men, but there is one thing I think -- although I'm not sure -- that scares them away. I am disabled.

I dress well, am an average weight for my height, independent-minded, although not quite independent physically. I get around on crutches.

I live with my parents. I enjoy and participate in physical activities. I don't have a lot of friends, which is fine with me, but I do have a number of special ones. I try to make the best of my disability, and everyone I know, even strangers, tell me I do well and admire me for my courage and strength.

I should be happy with that, but sometimes it bothers me that I haven't found one man who can see past whatever it is that keeps them from liking me. I know a number of grumpy, unhappy, ungrateful women who abuse the men in their lives, and sometimes I can't help but wonder at how "blind" their partners are.

I am not desperate. I like my alone time. But it's a big, beautiful world out there, and I'd like to share it with someone. -- AT A LOSS IN OHIO

DEAR AT A LOSS: You need to widen your circle of acquaintances. Once you have completed your studies and have more time, make it your business to join local and state groups associated with your profession. While some people may be put off by your disability, not everyone will be. Many people with physical disabilities have romantic lives and good marriages to partners who see past their disabilities and recognize all of the things they can do.

P.S. I know I have said this before, but you should also consider volunteering some of your time to a cause that interests you because it's a great way to meet people.

DEAR ABBY: Last night I received a call from my almost-5-year-old granddaughter asking me for Santa Claus' phone number. It seems she is very angry at her daddy for calling her a brat because she wouldn't give him a hug. She wants to tattle on her daddy to Santa.

Her parents are not together. Her daddy's involvement has been only within the last year. She seemed very upset about the incident, and I want to make sure "Santa" gives her a good answer. I asked her to write a letter instead of phoning Santa to give me time for an answer. Did I do the right thing? -- GRANDMA T., PACIFIC GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR GRAMDMA T.: Yes. Once your granddaughter has written the letter to Santa you may find that she no longer dwells on what happened. However, if she continues to look for a reply, "Santa's" response should be that her daddy was hurt when she refused to give him a hug because daddies need love just as little girls do. But name-calling is wrong, no matter how old you are, and he shouldn't have called her a brat -- which is why he'll be getting a lump of coal in his stocking at Christmas.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. (I cannot believe how early it has fallen this year.) Happy Hanukkah, everyone. A joyous Festival of Lights to all of you!

DEAR ABBY: I never had a desire to have kids. I married a man, "Harry," who had four, and did my duty being with them on holidays, birthdays and vacations. I never enjoyed it, and I have always been honest regarding my feelings about baby-sitting.

Now that Harry's children are grown and have children of their own, they think my husband and I should give up our weekends and holidays to baby-sit their children. Harry and I have had several serious arguments about this.

I have told his kids I do not want to watch their children. Harry will tell me at the last minute that one of them is being dropped off because the father and his girlfriend are going out. When the grandchild arrives, Harry disappears because he doesn't want to be bothered.

I served my time when my stepchildren were small and have looked forward to the day I'd no longer have to share my down time with kids.

Three months ago I was "surprised" with the 7-year-old so her dad and his honey could go to Atlantic City for a great time. I told them I had a political function to attend at 1:30 the next day; they didn't return until 3:30 in the afternoon. My husband thought it was fine to go without me! I would never have done that.

I love Harry, but this is causing me major grief. Please tell me what you think about this. Oh -- and did I mention they think because I was an elementary school teacher I should want to sit and play with their kids? It's comparing apples to oranges. -- NEARING WITS' END IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEARING WITS' END: What I think is that you are being taken advantage of, and it will continue as long as you allow it, however unwillingly. The next time Harry informs you at the last minute that a grandchild is being dropped off, grab your coat and purse and tell him you are going shopping, visiting a friend, seeing a movie or anything else that will get you out of the house. If you do, perhaps the next time his kids need a baby sitter he will suggest that they hire one.

Oh, and did I mention that when you were a teacher, you were compensated for your labor? You are being used, and I hope you draw the line before you really arrive at wits' end.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old man. Many people tell me I look much younger because I have my hair colored professionally.

I started dyeing my hair about 16 years ago because my children are much younger than those of most people my age. They wanted me to color my hair so that I didn't look like their friends' grandparents.

Now friends and new acquaintances make comments about me not having any gray hair at my age. So, what do I say? Should I tell them that I have my hair colored? Should I just laugh? Please advise. -- TO DYE OR NOT TO DYE

DEAR T.D.O.N.T.D.: Many men have their hair professionally colored these days and others do it themselves at home. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You neither have to laugh nor to divulge the secret of your eternal youth. However, since you are beginning to feel self-conscious because you feel the color of your hair isn't age-appropriate, discuss it with your colorist. It may be time to let a little bit of gray come through at the temples.