DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you in response to "Not on My Watch" (Sept. 19), about the little boy who repeatedly exposes himself to other children. While correcting this behavior to protect the other children is something the parents and other concerned adults in this child's life should be doing, there may be more going on here that needs to be addressed. Children who have been victims of sexual abuse can exhibit overtly sexualized behavior that goes beyond typical curiosity or age-appropriate sexual development.

There are several issues happening with this boy that bother me. The repeated exposure of his private parts to others is the first. While this behavior is not unusual in young children and can be a normal part of sexual curiosity, the compulsive continuation and frequency of his behavior raises red flags. He also mentioned keeping a "secret." This is a common tool used by people who abuse children. The manner in which he interacted with "Not on My Watch's" daughter sounds a lot like an interaction between an adult abuser and a child -- something he may have been mimicking.

Young children who are sexually abused may not have the developmental or verbal capabilities to disclose what is happening. Often it is through behavioral or emotional signs that we discover the abuse.

While it is important to protect the children this boy interacts with, the more appropriate response to this situation would be to calmly explain to him why his behavior is inappropriate, along with a discussion to find out if he has witnessed this behavior in others or if he has "secrets" with anyone.

If he discloses something during the discussion, it should be immediately reported to the local child protective services and/or police. And if his behavior continues, it would be best to seek professional intervention. -- JUDY AT CHILD ADVOCACY CENTER

DEAR JUDY: Your letter echoes the sentiments of the majority of responses I received about 5-year-old "Billy." Thank you for articulating it so clearly. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My wife witnessed a similar scenario last year during a play date. A 4-year-old girl was observed putting her hands down the pants of boys her age. Initially we thought it was normal curiosity; then we suspected she might be a victim. The authorities investigated, and it turned out that her male teenage cousin had been abusing her. -- CONCERNED DAD

DEAR ABBY: I am a psychiatric nurse who works with children who have suffered various types of abuse. This kind of repeated behavior is a big indication that Billy is being sexually abused himself.

The fact that he wants to keep it "secret" indicates that it is a learned behavior. That his parents are "burying their heads in the sand" may indicate that they know about the abuse or are the abusers themselves.

That boy should be taken to see a doctor for a full evaluation, and a call to social services is in order. The call can be anonymous. It is better to be safe than sorry in this case. -- NURSE WHO CARES IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old man. Three years ago, my first and only marriage ended after 20 years. Over the past two years, I have been in a wonderful relationship with a very bright woman, "Toni," who told me she had been married twice before.

A year ago, her job required that she move out of state, but we have successfully maintained the long-distance relationship with frequent visits and daily phone calls.

A few days ago, I learned by chance that she was briefly married a third time while she was in her early 20s. I'm having a difficult time with this news -- not for the additional marriage, but for the fact that she chose not to share it with me. I have bared my soul to her and thought she had done the same. I'm sad and disappointed.

Toni doesn't know that I know this, but it has changed my feelings for her. Trust issues are in question. Do I bring this up now? If so, how? Do I wait for her to bring it up someday in the future? How do I reconcile it in the meantime? -- LET DOWN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LET DOWN: You say you visit each other frequently, so I assume you plan to be together soon. When you see her, tell her you were told she had been briefly married a third time. She may have told you she was twice divorced, and if the marriage in her 20s was annulled, that may be the reason she didn't mention it. If you were deliberately lied to, you will know by her reaction.

DEAR ABBY: We are a small group of senior women. Whenever we go to a restaurant, one member of the group insists on changing tables that are offered by the host/hostess. This can happen two or three times, and I find it embarrassing and annoying. It seems like some kind of control issue to me, and I don't want to be part of it. Any suggestions? -- TIRED OF THE MUSICAL CHAIRS

DEAR TIRED: I agree with you that it's a control issue. Because you find it embarrassing and annoying, ask the other women in the group if it bothers them, too. If the answer is yes, then the woman needs to be told to cut it out, or she'll be invited to join you less often.

DEAR ABBY: We are a small group of senior women. Whenever we go to a restaurant, one member of the group insists on changing tables that are offered by the host/hostess. This can happen two or three times, and I find it embarrassing and annoying. It seems like some kind of control issue to me, and I don't want to be part of it. Any suggestions? -- TIRED OF THE MUSICAL CHAIRS

DEAR TIRED: I agree with you that it's a control issue. Because you find it embarrassing and annoying, ask the other women in the group if it bothers them, too. If the answer is yes, then the woman needs to be told to cut it out, or she'll be invited to join you less often.

DEAR ABBY: My darling mother-in-law passed away recently. She was a wonderful woman, a caring and loving role model to her children and grandchildren. In her will she left a diamond ring to her daughter, "Mimi," a diamond ring to me, and the remainder of her jewelry to her grandchildren. Her house and its contents were to be divided equally between her son and daughter.

My children received a box from Mimi filled with Mom's costume jewelry. All of her expensive jewelry was missing. When I asked about the missing items, Mimi said they were in the box, and she had taken photos to prove it. My husband noticed that many valuable items were missing from the family home as well.

Recently my daughter and I ran into my sister-in-law in a restaurant and saw she was wearing one of the pieces of jewelry that had been intended for my children. When I asked Mimi to please take it off and give it to my daughter, she replied that she couldn't because she was "still grieving." Any advice on how to handle this? -- HEARTBROKEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: What a shame. Who was the executor of your mother-in-law's will? That person should have been overseeing the disposition of her property, and that is the person you should contact now to see the deceased's wishes are complied with. If Mimi was the executor, then your next step should be to contact an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old male who is still a virgin. It bugs me knowing that uglier, disgusting, less intelligent guys are having sex, while I -- compassionate, smart, educated and good-looking -- am not. What am I supposed to do? What is the secret to finally losing my virginity?

This has been bothering me lately because I have lost a lot of weight and feel better about myself, but it still isn't happening. I used to be extremely shy, but the confidence I gained from the weight loss has helped me in talking to strangers.

I don't get it. I feel like life is playing a cruel joke on me. I feel like the only virgin in the room. Please give me some advice. -- READY FOR MORE

DEAR READY: Please take a moment and re-read the second sentence of your letter. If you do, you will realize that while you have lost the weight, you have not lost the anger you must have felt when, for years, you went unnoticed. The chances of losing your virginity -- and more important, having a relationship -- will improve if you talk to a psychologist. Unless you do, as smart, educated and good-looking as you now are, the "vibe" you emit may continue to repel women. I have seen this happen, so please give my advice serious consideration.

DEAR ABBY: Our son and daughter-in-law live out of state. They have a 1-year-old daughter. For their anniversary, we sent them a gift certificate saying that we would pay for a night out on the town, including a hotel of their choice in the city where they live. We offered to watch our granddaughter and their dogs while they enjoyed themselves.

Their response was a resounding NO! They said that it was the most selfish gift we had ever given them because it wasn't for them; it was so we could baby-sit. What do you think? -- GRANDMA GAYLE

DEAR GRANDMA GAYLE: I think their manners are atrocious. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!