DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old man. Three years ago, my first and only marriage ended after 20 years. Over the past two years, I have been in a wonderful relationship with a very bright woman, "Toni," who told me she had been married twice before.

A year ago, her job required that she move out of state, but we have successfully maintained the long-distance relationship with frequent visits and daily phone calls.

A few days ago, I learned by chance that she was briefly married a third time while she was in her early 20s. I'm having a difficult time with this news -- not for the additional marriage, but for the fact that she chose not to share it with me. I have bared my soul to her and thought she had done the same. I'm sad and disappointed.

Toni doesn't know that I know this, but it has changed my feelings for her. Trust issues are in question. Do I bring this up now? If so, how? Do I wait for her to bring it up someday in the future? How do I reconcile it in the meantime? -- LET DOWN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LET DOWN: You say you visit each other frequently, so I assume you plan to be together soon. When you see her, tell her you were told she had been briefly married a third time. She may have told you she was twice divorced, and if the marriage in her 20s was annulled, that may be the reason she didn't mention it. If you were deliberately lied to, you will know by her reaction.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I dated this guy, "Craig." I tried to be the perfect girlfriend, and I was extremely close to his grandfather. When Craig went away to the Army, I would visit his grandfather regularly, and we developed a special bond. When Craig got back, we were supposed to get married, but he dumped me. The next day he had a new girlfriend.

Craig was hard to get over, and I didn't handle the breakup well. Because his grandfather asked, I tried to maintain a relationship with him, but Craig's then-wife didn't like it and asked him to end my contact with his friends and family.

Sometimes I wonder if I could have changed things. When Craig broke up with his wife, we exchanged emails on a dating website where we both apologized for what happened between us.

I just heard that his grandfather died. Would it be wrong of me to reach out to him? We don't talk. -- STILL NOT OVER HIM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STILL NOT OVER HIM: I see no reason why you shouldn't extend your sympathy to Craig for the loss of his grandfather, with whom you were close. However, keep in mind that there is a reason you haven't been talking and that communication is supposed to be two-way. Also, as much as you may wish it would, it may not resurrect your romance.

DEAR ABBY: We are a small group of senior women. Whenever we go to a restaurant, one member of the group insists on changing tables that are offered by the host/hostess. This can happen two or three times, and I find it embarrassing and annoying. It seems like some kind of control issue to me, and I don't want to be part of it. Any suggestions? -- TIRED OF THE MUSICAL CHAIRS

DEAR TIRED: I agree with you that it's a control issue. Because you find it embarrassing and annoying, ask the other women in the group if it bothers them, too. If the answer is yes, then the woman needs to be told to cut it out, or she'll be invited to join you less often.

DEAR ABBY: My darling mother-in-law passed away recently. She was a wonderful woman, a caring and loving role model to her children and grandchildren. In her will she left a diamond ring to her daughter, "Mimi," a diamond ring to me, and the remainder of her jewelry to her grandchildren. Her house and its contents were to be divided equally between her son and daughter.

My children received a box from Mimi filled with Mom's costume jewelry. All of her expensive jewelry was missing. When I asked about the missing items, Mimi said they were in the box, and she had taken photos to prove it. My husband noticed that many valuable items were missing from the family home as well.

Recently my daughter and I ran into my sister-in-law in a restaurant and saw she was wearing one of the pieces of jewelry that had been intended for my children. When I asked Mimi to please take it off and give it to my daughter, she replied that she couldn't because she was "still grieving." Any advice on how to handle this? -- HEARTBROKEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: What a shame. Who was the executor of your mother-in-law's will? That person should have been overseeing the disposition of her property, and that is the person you should contact now to see the deceased's wishes are complied with. If Mimi was the executor, then your next step should be to contact an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old male who is still a virgin. It bugs me knowing that uglier, disgusting, less intelligent guys are having sex, while I -- compassionate, smart, educated and good-looking -- am not. What am I supposed to do? What is the secret to finally losing my virginity?

This has been bothering me lately because I have lost a lot of weight and feel better about myself, but it still isn't happening. I used to be extremely shy, but the confidence I gained from the weight loss has helped me in talking to strangers.

I don't get it. I feel like life is playing a cruel joke on me. I feel like the only virgin in the room. Please give me some advice. -- READY FOR MORE

DEAR READY: Please take a moment and re-read the second sentence of your letter. If you do, you will realize that while you have lost the weight, you have not lost the anger you must have felt when, for years, you went unnoticed. The chances of losing your virginity -- and more important, having a relationship -- will improve if you talk to a psychologist. Unless you do, as smart, educated and good-looking as you now are, the "vibe" you emit may continue to repel women. I have seen this happen, so please give my advice serious consideration.

DEAR ABBY: Our son and daughter-in-law live out of state. They have a 1-year-old daughter. For their anniversary, we sent them a gift certificate saying that we would pay for a night out on the town, including a hotel of their choice in the city where they live. We offered to watch our granddaughter and their dogs while they enjoyed themselves.

Their response was a resounding NO! They said that it was the most selfish gift we had ever given them because it wasn't for them; it was so we could baby-sit. What do you think? -- GRANDMA GAYLE

DEAR GRANDMA GAYLE: I think their manners are atrocious. How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and my boyfriend, "Todd," is almost 18. He wants us to have a baby. I would like to, but I live with my grandmother because my mom has a drug problem and my dad was killed when I was 9. I'm scared if I get pregnant she won't let me keep it.

My grandmother and I don't get along sometimes, and I'm scared she'll have my boyfriend put in jail. I have thought about this, and I really want to have a baby with him. I love Todd more than anything. Is it bad that I want to get pregnant? I'm in ninth grade and he'll be a senior. Please give me some advice. -- WANTS TO BE A MOM, PRINCETON, W.VA.

DEAR WANTS TO BE A MOM: Before you and Todd rush into this, it is important to consider how you will take care of a baby. Babies are not just cute; they are also completely helpless and a lot of work.

Some schools offer students a program in which boys and girls are given dolls that require 24-hour care. They are just like real babies in that they cry, wet, and must be "fed" and with a parent at all times. Students are assigned to care for their "baby" for a week or more, and often, by the end of the assignment period, the desire to have a baby disappears as the reality about the degree of responsibility becomes obvious. Please look into the possibility of attending a class like this because it is important.

If you become pregnant as a freshman, it will lessen your chances of graduating. You and Todd will need a diploma in order to support yourselves and a child. If loving a baby was all it takes, your mother would be caring for you instead of your grandmother. I cannot stress enough the importance of you and Todd completing your education before becoming parents. It will make you better parents. You should also be prepared to stay together until your child is an adult. Isn't that what you would have wanted if your father hadn't died and your mother turned to drugs?

I'm glad you wrote, that you're smart and didn't act on impulse. Your grandmother is doing her best to raise you, and she already has enough responsibility on her shoulders. Another child might be more than she can physically and emotionally handle.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have been in a relationship for five months. I know I'm young, but things just happened. I like this boy a lot and he likes me.

Before we went out we were best friends. Back then, we had so much to talk about. But ever since we officially became a couple, there's nothing really to say to each other. We used to talk all day on the phone, and now it's kind of hard to have a normal conversation.

The physical attraction is there, but the mental attraction is sort of going away. He is amazing and listens to all my problems, but when I don't have any problems there is nothing to say. I don't want to end it between us. What should I do? -- DISAPPOINTED

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You and your boyfriend may be spending too much time together and not enough on other activities. If you interact more with other friends, become active in sports or group activities and spend more time apart, then you -- and he -- will have more to bring to your conversations. Please try it, and encourage him to do the same.

DEAR ABBY: I truly enjoy the "pennies from heaven" letters. I get goose bumps every time I read them. So, I want to go on record and say to everyone in heaven, I'd love to hear from each and every one of you. However, to make it clear your message is intended for me, please make it 1-ounce gold coins. -- WES IN GREENFIELD, IND.

DEAR WES: I'm not sure my column appears in the hereafter, but if it does, be careful what you wish for. If gold keeps inflating, the coins could bounce right back up to heaven.