DEAR ABBY: My wife died a few years ago. I live alone and have been a bachelor since then. Old friends have been kind enough to pass along the names and phone numbers of widows or divorcees they felt would be of interest to me. I have taken several of them out to dinner. Some were interesting, but for one reason or another we didn't have enough "chemistry" for me to call them for another date.

What is the considerate thing to do after having just one date? Should I call the person and say it was pleasant, but ...? Should I not call at all and move on? I feel guilty at times for not following up with some comment, as they were mostly nice women. Any suggestions about how to handle these situations would be welcome. -- MIAMI WIDOWER

DEAR WIDOWER: Conversations such as this can be awkward, which is why many people avoid having them. Because you feel you "should" say something, a way to handle it would be to say you had a nice time, but you are still grieving and are not ready for a relationship. Chemistry is supposed to be mutual, so don't be surprised if some of the women aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with you, either. That's life.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a store that is popular with teenagers. Every Christmas, parents and grandparents come in here with absolutely no clue what to get. Asking "What's popular right now?" doesn't help. (What's cool to one teen may be lame to another.) I'd like to offer a couple of tips to help clueless relatives select the right gift for their teen.

(1) Bring a recent photo of her or him. We can tell a lot by looking. It will provide hints as to what kind of gift they may like.

(2) Copy a list of their "likes" from Facebook and bring it with you. It may mention books, music, movies or other interests that will make it easy to track down something they would enjoy.

I hope this helps some of your readers. -- VALERIE IN FORT WORTH

DEAR VALERIE: Bless you for writing. I'm sure many parents and grandparents will take your suggestions to heart. Santa isn't the only one who needs a "helper" at Christmastime.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a 30-year-old man who posted every detail about his breakup with my daughter on Facebook for all of their 1,000 friends and family members to read? There was some personal and very painful stuff.

Is this the "new generation" norm? Or is he immature and inconsiderate? -- HURTING FOR MY DAUGHTER

DEAR HURTING: Welcome to the wonderful world of the Internet, where millions of individuals have chosen to live their lives online for all to see. And while you and I might consider what happened to be a form of kissing-and-telling, bragging, a bid for sympathy and in poor taste, the people who love your daughter will "unfriend" this person, and those who love gossip will devour every detail with relish.

In time your daughter will realize she is lucky this relationship is over. Whether her former boyfriend used Facebook to gain 15 minutes of fame or as a weapon to hurt her, I think she can do better. Don't you?

DEAR ABBY: My daughter thinks if people are busy they should not answer the phone. I believe it's better to answer and tell the person you're busy and that you will return their call. Sometimes she doesn't call me back for nine hours or even the next day. Then I find out she was watching a movie or walking her dog, and didn't think my call was "important" enough to respond promptly. As her mother, if I don't hear back, I start to worry, even though she's in her 20s and married with a family.

When she calls me and I say I'm busy and will call her back, she gets mad and says I shouldn't have answered at all. Will you please tell us what you think? -- KARI IN MONTANA

DEAR KARI: OK. I think that for your daughter to keep you waiting nine hours for a return call if she can answer more promptly shows a lack of respect for your feelings. And for you to obsess that something awful might have happened is a waste of your time because, trust me, bad news travels fast. It's also possible that you may be calling too often. But only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: Some members of my family continually ask me for money. I feel obligated because they are family and they helped me in the past. But since then, I have turned my life around.

I have a great job, a home and I'm in a serious relationship. This isn't the first time they have asked. I have tried refusing, but they persist and after a while I feel guilty.

This is creating a rift between my girlfriend and me. She feels these family members need to take responsibility for their own problems and make choices to better themselves rather than rely on others to enable their bad habits. How do I put an end to this annoyance? -- CASHED OUT

DEAR CASHED OUT: There is a difference between giving people money to enable them to continue making poor choices, and giving them money if they are really in need. Because your relatives helped you when you needed money to tide you over, there is a moral obligation for you to reciprocate if they are truly in need.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old daughter and 21-year-old son work as banquet servers at a local country club. Many of the receptions at which they serve include guests consuming large amounts of alcohol.

If an intoxicated male guest made suggestive comments to my daughter or touched her, he would be asked to leave the facility. But what is my son supposed to do when an intoxicated woman, usually much older than he, pinches his backside and makes inappropriate comments or "invitations"?

My son isn't a prude. His sense of humor allows him to "laugh it off," but it happens often and he is becoming annoyed. In fact, he'll say, "Mom, it's pretty gross!" Abby, what are these women thinking? What should he do to promote self-respect but not cause an uncomfortable atmosphere for himself and the guests? -- CURIOUS MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOM: The employee protection rules are no different for males than they are for females. What your son should do first is document the incidents with dates, times and the women involved. He should then report their behavior to the banquet supervisor at the country club. I'm sure the person in charge will want to know, because if the sexual harassment isn't stopped, it could result in a very embarrassing -- and possibly costly -- lawsuit against the club.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a widowed co-worker. We are both private people and we have kept our personal lives out of the workplace. Only our close friends at work know we are dating.

The issue we now face is the office gossip queen has spotted us out and about, and is asking all our friends about whether or not we're dating. We barely know this woman and don't care much for her. How do I politely respond when people start asking me about my boyfriend?

I'm concerned that if I tell them we're seeing each other, I'll be treated differently because he had been widowed only a short time. I have spent my entire life avoiding the drama machine, and now I'm afraid I'll be thrown onto center stage. Please help me. -- DRAMA-FREE MOUSE

DEAR MOUSE: Face it, your secret is out. If you prefer not to discuss your private life, all you have to do is say so to those who question you out of curiosity.

But why are you afraid that you'll be treated differently? Whether your co-worker's wife died two weeks or two months ago, he is available. Widowers have told me that women have approached them within days of their wives' funerals. You're acting like you feel guilty for being happy. For both of your sakes, please stop feeling like you're doing something wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a widowed co-worker. We are both private people and we have kept our personal lives out of the workplace. Only our close friends at work know we are dating.

The issue we now face is the office gossip queen has spotted us out and about, and is asking all our friends about whether or not we're dating. We barely know this woman and don't care much for her. How do I politely respond when people start asking me about my boyfriend?

I'm concerned that if I tell them we're seeing each other, I'll be treated differently because he had been widowed only a short time. I have spent my entire life avoiding the drama machine, and now I'm afraid I'll be thrown onto center stage. Please help me. -- DRAMA-FREE MOUSE

DEAR MOUSE: Face it, your secret is out. If you prefer not to discuss your private life, all you have to do is say so to those who question you out of curiosity.

But why are you afraid that you'll be treated differently? Whether your co-worker's wife died two weeks or two months ago, he is available. Widowers have told me that women have approached them within days of their wives' funerals. You're acting like you feel guilty for being happy. For both of your sakes, please stop feeling like you're doing something wrong.