DEAR ABBY: My daughter thinks if people are busy they should not answer the phone. I believe it's better to answer and tell the person you're busy and that you will return their call. Sometimes she doesn't call me back for nine hours or even the next day. Then I find out she was watching a movie or walking her dog, and didn't think my call was "important" enough to respond promptly. As her mother, if I don't hear back, I start to worry, even though she's in her 20s and married with a family.

When she calls me and I say I'm busy and will call her back, she gets mad and says I shouldn't have answered at all. Will you please tell us what you think? -- KARI IN MONTANA

DEAR KARI: OK. I think that for your daughter to keep you waiting nine hours for a return call if she can answer more promptly shows a lack of respect for your feelings. And for you to obsess that something awful might have happened is a waste of your time because, trust me, bad news travels fast. It's also possible that you may be calling too often. But only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: Some members of my family continually ask me for money. I feel obligated because they are family and they helped me in the past. But since then, I have turned my life around.

I have a great job, a home and I'm in a serious relationship. This isn't the first time they have asked. I have tried refusing, but they persist and after a while I feel guilty.

This is creating a rift between my girlfriend and me. She feels these family members need to take responsibility for their own problems and make choices to better themselves rather than rely on others to enable their bad habits. How do I put an end to this annoyance? -- CASHED OUT

DEAR CASHED OUT: There is a difference between giving people money to enable them to continue making poor choices, and giving them money if they are really in need. Because your relatives helped you when you needed money to tide you over, there is a moral obligation for you to reciprocate if they are truly in need.

DEAR ABBY: When I met my husband he was married. I told him at first that I was not interested. But as time went on he ended up divorcing his wife. We have been together for 11 years, married for three.

The problem is his kids. They are all adults. His youngest was 15 when he left. The daughter is angry and blames me for his leaving. This was not the first time he had left her mother. He had a child from another relationship who was conceived during one of his absences.

I am getting tired of the drama and I'm about ready to divorce him for my peace of mind. During the time we have been together he has never strayed and has always been there for me. Should we divorce? -- SECOND WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SECOND WIFE: Heck, no! If you love your husband, stick with him. Because your husband's daughter is creating drama, he should set her straight. She may feel that he didn't love her enough to stay, when the truth is that his marriage to her mother had been on the rocks for years. He should also make sure she understands that if she wants him in her life, she will need to make an attitude adjustment.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old daughter and 21-year-old son work as banquet servers at a local country club. Many of the receptions at which they serve include guests consuming large amounts of alcohol.

If an intoxicated male guest made suggestive comments to my daughter or touched her, he would be asked to leave the facility. But what is my son supposed to do when an intoxicated woman, usually much older than he, pinches his backside and makes inappropriate comments or "invitations"?

My son isn't a prude. His sense of humor allows him to "laugh it off," but it happens often and he is becoming annoyed. In fact, he'll say, "Mom, it's pretty gross!" Abby, what are these women thinking? What should he do to promote self-respect but not cause an uncomfortable atmosphere for himself and the guests? -- CURIOUS MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOM: The employee protection rules are no different for males than they are for females. What your son should do first is document the incidents with dates, times and the women involved. He should then report their behavior to the banquet supervisor at the country club. I'm sure the person in charge will want to know, because if the sexual harassment isn't stopped, it could result in a very embarrassing -- and possibly costly -- lawsuit against the club.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a widowed co-worker. We are both private people and we have kept our personal lives out of the workplace. Only our close friends at work know we are dating.

The issue we now face is the office gossip queen has spotted us out and about, and is asking all our friends about whether or not we're dating. We barely know this woman and don't care much for her. How do I politely respond when people start asking me about my boyfriend?

I'm concerned that if I tell them we're seeing each other, I'll be treated differently because he had been widowed only a short time. I have spent my entire life avoiding the drama machine, and now I'm afraid I'll be thrown onto center stage. Please help me. -- DRAMA-FREE MOUSE

DEAR MOUSE: Face it, your secret is out. If you prefer not to discuss your private life, all you have to do is say so to those who question you out of curiosity.

But why are you afraid that you'll be treated differently? Whether your co-worker's wife died two weeks or two months ago, he is available. Widowers have told me that women have approached them within days of their wives' funerals. You're acting like you feel guilty for being happy. For both of your sakes, please stop feeling like you're doing something wrong.

DEAR READERS: I am pleased to offer the traditional Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. No Thanksgiving would be complete for me without it.

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Margie," recently lost her five-year battle with leukemia. I'm still grieving this huge loss. Something I found particularly upsetting was the apathetic attitude of her doctor and his staff.

Margie was seeing a specialist in a city 300 miles from our home. It involved many trips to his office as well as extended hospital treatments. During this period, we considered the doctor and his staff more than health care providers. We thought of them as our friends. Margie would often bring them home-cooked meals or pastries from a bakery. In addition, because she did fine needlework, she made all the women a set of dishtowels.

After my wife passed away at home, I sent a note to the doctor and his staff, thanking them and expressing gratitude for all they had done for her. I never received one message in return. I understand they treat many patients, but don't you think someone could have given me a call or sent a sympathy card?

I attend a bereavement support group and was surprised that I am not the only one who has had the same experience. Is it normal for health care providers to stop all contact with spouses after a loved one dies? -- STILL GRIEVING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your disappointment. However, everyone deals with death and dying differently and doctors are people, too. In the field of oncology, for every victory there are also many deaths. Emotional detachment is sometimes the way that these physicians and staff protect themselves from emotional pain. Please forgive them.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law "Ralph" is a good father, good husband and we have gotten along well for nearly 20 years. But an issue has come up that has me really upset.

Ralph was an exceptional wrestler in high school until a shoulder injury ended his career. Now he wants his 10-year-old son, "Carter," to wrestle. Carter went to a few practices in early elementary school, but showed no real interest in the sport. However, he does like basketball and shows potential to be a decent player.

Right now, my grandson's dream is to have a cellphone, and Ralph has promised to get him one -- if he goes out for wrestling. I said I'd buy him a phone so he won't have to go out for wrestling just to get one.

I'm afraid Carter could get hurt while participating in a sport he has no real desire for, and could end up being unable to play the sport of his choice. I know there's danger of injury in any sport, but at least if an injury did occur, it would be while doing something he wants to do. And injuries aside, he should be able to pursue the sport of his choice, not his dad's. We need some guidance here. -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA IN IOWA

DEAR GRANDMA: I agree with you, and for the sensible reasons you stated. However, I would add this: It appears your son-in-law may be attempting to relive a chapter of his life in which he failed to succeed because of his injury. To lure his son away from the sport he likes by bribing him to go into wrestling is unfair to the boy. I hope you and your daughter will talk to Ralph and tell him you think this is a bad idea, and that he will listen to you.