DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old daughter and 21-year-old son work as banquet servers at a local country club. Many of the receptions at which they serve include guests consuming large amounts of alcohol.

If an intoxicated male guest made suggestive comments to my daughter or touched her, he would be asked to leave the facility. But what is my son supposed to do when an intoxicated woman, usually much older than he, pinches his backside and makes inappropriate comments or "invitations"?

My son isn't a prude. His sense of humor allows him to "laugh it off," but it happens often and he is becoming annoyed. In fact, he'll say, "Mom, it's pretty gross!" Abby, what are these women thinking? What should he do to promote self-respect but not cause an uncomfortable atmosphere for himself and the guests? -- CURIOUS MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOM: The employee protection rules are no different for males than they are for females. What your son should do first is document the incidents with dates, times and the women involved. He should then report their behavior to the banquet supervisor at the country club. I'm sure the person in charge will want to know, because if the sexual harassment isn't stopped, it could result in a very embarrassing -- and possibly costly -- lawsuit against the club.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a widowed co-worker. We are both private people and we have kept our personal lives out of the workplace. Only our close friends at work know we are dating.

The issue we now face is the office gossip queen has spotted us out and about, and is asking all our friends about whether or not we're dating. We barely know this woman and don't care much for her. How do I politely respond when people start asking me about my boyfriend?

I'm concerned that if I tell them we're seeing each other, I'll be treated differently because he had been widowed only a short time. I have spent my entire life avoiding the drama machine, and now I'm afraid I'll be thrown onto center stage. Please help me. -- DRAMA-FREE MOUSE

DEAR MOUSE: Face it, your secret is out. If you prefer not to discuss your private life, all you have to do is say so to those who question you out of curiosity.

But why are you afraid that you'll be treated differently? Whether your co-worker's wife died two weeks or two months ago, he is available. Widowers have told me that women have approached them within days of their wives' funerals. You're acting like you feel guilty for being happy. For both of your sakes, please stop feeling like you're doing something wrong.

DEAR READERS: I am pleased to offer the traditional Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. No Thanksgiving would be complete for me without it.

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Margie," recently lost her five-year battle with leukemia. I'm still grieving this huge loss. Something I found particularly upsetting was the apathetic attitude of her doctor and his staff.

Margie was seeing a specialist in a city 300 miles from our home. It involved many trips to his office as well as extended hospital treatments. During this period, we considered the doctor and his staff more than health care providers. We thought of them as our friends. Margie would often bring them home-cooked meals or pastries from a bakery. In addition, because she did fine needlework, she made all the women a set of dishtowels.

After my wife passed away at home, I sent a note to the doctor and his staff, thanking them and expressing gratitude for all they had done for her. I never received one message in return. I understand they treat many patients, but don't you think someone could have given me a call or sent a sympathy card?

I attend a bereavement support group and was surprised that I am not the only one who has had the same experience. Is it normal for health care providers to stop all contact with spouses after a loved one dies? -- STILL GRIEVING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your disappointment. However, everyone deals with death and dying differently and doctors are people, too. In the field of oncology, for every victory there are also many deaths. Emotional detachment is sometimes the way that these physicians and staff protect themselves from emotional pain. Please forgive them.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law "Ralph" is a good father, good husband and we have gotten along well for nearly 20 years. But an issue has come up that has me really upset.

Ralph was an exceptional wrestler in high school until a shoulder injury ended his career. Now he wants his 10-year-old son, "Carter," to wrestle. Carter went to a few practices in early elementary school, but showed no real interest in the sport. However, he does like basketball and shows potential to be a decent player.

Right now, my grandson's dream is to have a cellphone, and Ralph has promised to get him one -- if he goes out for wrestling. I said I'd buy him a phone so he won't have to go out for wrestling just to get one.

I'm afraid Carter could get hurt while participating in a sport he has no real desire for, and could end up being unable to play the sport of his choice. I know there's danger of injury in any sport, but at least if an injury did occur, it would be while doing something he wants to do. And injuries aside, he should be able to pursue the sport of his choice, not his dad's. We need some guidance here. -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA IN IOWA

DEAR GRANDMA: I agree with you, and for the sensible reasons you stated. However, I would add this: It appears your son-in-law may be attempting to relive a chapter of his life in which he failed to succeed because of his injury. To lure his son away from the sport he likes by bribing him to go into wrestling is unfair to the boy. I hope you and your daughter will talk to Ralph and tell him you think this is a bad idea, and that he will listen to you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old woman, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder after two suicide attempts. I have tried to get my parents and siblings to attend a session with me so they would understand my diagnosis, but all I hear is, "You don't need all those drugs. You're fine -- just a little different than the rest of us," and, "You have always been 'odd' and we like you that way."

I have given up trying to get their support, but my gifted 14-year-old nephew has been asking questions about my diagnosis. I'm not sure how much to tell him, especially about the suicide attempts, one of which landed me in the hospital.

Any advice about what I should tell him and how to get family support? -- HEARING VOICES IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HEARING VOICES: Tell your nephew the truth. If he is as intellectually gifted as you say, he will go online and start researching. Explain that your condition can be overwhelming at times, which caused you at one point to try to harm yourself, but that it is kept in check with medication.

Your relatives may be reluctant to admit that there is a mental illness in the family, which is why they refuse to allow your psychiatrist to confirm it. However, you may be able to find support from NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. With 1,200 affiliates, NAMI provides grassroots, self-help groups for people with mental illness and family members who are affected by it.

The website is www.nami.org and I hope you will check it out. The organization was established in 1979, and it may be able to help you get through to your family that your problems are not imaginary.

DEAR ABBY: I host a lot of gatherings at my home and sometimes when I am on vacation. I put a lot of thought and effort into them. Some are themed parties, such as Valentine's Day or a luau.

Do you think it's rude for guests to show up 10 or more minutes early? I enjoy hosting, but I need the last few minutes before party time for me, so I can get dressed, light candles, put out the food or just plain relax for a few minutes. Your thoughts, please. -- WONDERING IN WESLEY CHAPEL, FLA.

DEAR WONDERING: I agree with you. Guests with good manners show up at the appointed time. While arriving 15 minutes late is acceptable, to arrive early is an imposition on one's host.

DEAR ABBY: My young married daughter, "Megan," has a problem with a neighbor. This woman has a family of her own, but is in Megan's business so much she is now actually taking my grandbaby out to eat at restaurants and seems to want people to think the baby is hers.

I have spoken to Megan about this. She doesn't like what is going on, but feels powerless to stop it. This neighbor does a lot for my daughter, and Megan doesn't want to hurt her feelings. What can she say that will put this woman in her place and make her realize that my daughter's family is not up for grabs? -- OHIO MOM

DEAR MOM: Megan is not "powerless." As the mother of that child, all she has to do is start saying no. If the neighbor asks for an explanation, she should reply that what's going on is making her uncomfortable. Period. There is no need to be unkind about it -- just firm.