DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Margie," recently lost her five-year battle with leukemia. I'm still grieving this huge loss. Something I found particularly upsetting was the apathetic attitude of her doctor and his staff.

Margie was seeing a specialist in a city 300 miles from our home. It involved many trips to his office as well as extended hospital treatments. During this period, we considered the doctor and his staff more than health care providers. We thought of them as our friends. Margie would often bring them home-cooked meals or pastries from a bakery. In addition, because she did fine needlework, she made all the women a set of dishtowels.

After my wife passed away at home, I sent a note to the doctor and his staff, thanking them and expressing gratitude for all they had done for her. I never received one message in return. I understand they treat many patients, but don't you think someone could have given me a call or sent a sympathy card?

I attend a bereavement support group and was surprised that I am not the only one who has had the same experience. Is it normal for health care providers to stop all contact with spouses after a loved one dies? -- STILL GRIEVING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: I'm very sorry for your loss, and for your disappointment. However, everyone deals with death and dying differently and doctors are people, too. In the field of oncology, for every victory there are also many deaths. Emotional detachment is sometimes the way that these physicians and staff protect themselves from emotional pain. Please forgive them.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law "Ralph" is a good father, good husband and we have gotten along well for nearly 20 years. But an issue has come up that has me really upset.

Ralph was an exceptional wrestler in high school until a shoulder injury ended his career. Now he wants his 10-year-old son, "Carter," to wrestle. Carter went to a few practices in early elementary school, but showed no real interest in the sport. However, he does like basketball and shows potential to be a decent player.

Right now, my grandson's dream is to have a cellphone, and Ralph has promised to get him one -- if he goes out for wrestling. I said I'd buy him a phone so he won't have to go out for wrestling just to get one.

I'm afraid Carter could get hurt while participating in a sport he has no real desire for, and could end up being unable to play the sport of his choice. I know there's danger of injury in any sport, but at least if an injury did occur, it would be while doing something he wants to do. And injuries aside, he should be able to pursue the sport of his choice, not his dad's. We need some guidance here. -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA IN IOWA

DEAR GRANDMA: I agree with you, and for the sensible reasons you stated. However, I would add this: It appears your son-in-law may be attempting to relive a chapter of his life in which he failed to succeed because of his injury. To lure his son away from the sport he likes by bribing him to go into wrestling is unfair to the boy. I hope you and your daughter will talk to Ralph and tell him you think this is a bad idea, and that he will listen to you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old woman, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder after two suicide attempts. I have tried to get my parents and siblings to attend a session with me so they would understand my diagnosis, but all I hear is, "You don't need all those drugs. You're fine -- just a little different than the rest of us," and, "You have always been 'odd' and we like you that way."

I have given up trying to get their support, but my gifted 14-year-old nephew has been asking questions about my diagnosis. I'm not sure how much to tell him, especially about the suicide attempts, one of which landed me in the hospital.

Any advice about what I should tell him and how to get family support? -- HEARING VOICES IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HEARING VOICES: Tell your nephew the truth. If he is as intellectually gifted as you say, he will go online and start researching. Explain that your condition can be overwhelming at times, which caused you at one point to try to harm yourself, but that it is kept in check with medication.

Your relatives may be reluctant to admit that there is a mental illness in the family, which is why they refuse to allow your psychiatrist to confirm it. However, you may be able to find support from NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. With 1,200 affiliates, NAMI provides grassroots, self-help groups for people with mental illness and family members who are affected by it.

The website is www.nami.org and I hope you will check it out. The organization was established in 1979, and it may be able to help you get through to your family that your problems are not imaginary.

DEAR ABBY: I host a lot of gatherings at my home and sometimes when I am on vacation. I put a lot of thought and effort into them. Some are themed parties, such as Valentine's Day or a luau.

Do you think it's rude for guests to show up 10 or more minutes early? I enjoy hosting, but I need the last few minutes before party time for me, so I can get dressed, light candles, put out the food or just plain relax for a few minutes. Your thoughts, please. -- WONDERING IN WESLEY CHAPEL, FLA.

DEAR WONDERING: I agree with you. Guests with good manners show up at the appointed time. While arriving 15 minutes late is acceptable, to arrive early is an imposition on one's host.

DEAR ABBY: My young married daughter, "Megan," has a problem with a neighbor. This woman has a family of her own, but is in Megan's business so much she is now actually taking my grandbaby out to eat at restaurants and seems to want people to think the baby is hers.

I have spoken to Megan about this. She doesn't like what is going on, but feels powerless to stop it. This neighbor does a lot for my daughter, and Megan doesn't want to hurt her feelings. What can she say that will put this woman in her place and make her realize that my daughter's family is not up for grabs? -- OHIO MOM

DEAR MOM: Megan is not "powerless." As the mother of that child, all she has to do is start saying no. If the neighbor asks for an explanation, she should reply that what's going on is making her uncomfortable. Period. There is no need to be unkind about it -- just firm.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their 80s. I have two brothers. "Pete," the oldest, is in his 50s and lives with them. "Dave" lives next door. My parents support them both financially. Neither one works or even tries to find a job. Both of them are addicted to meth, and one is hooked on prescription pills as well. My parents know it but enable them by paying their bills.

Pete and Dave steal and blame each other or any innocent family member who comes to visit. My parents are in total denial. There is major drug use going on every day, as well as potential violence. Pete and Dave threaten to shoot people all the time.

Part of me understands it's none of my business, and I have no desire to be around such dysfunction. The other part of me is furious and wants to put a stop to them using my parents. If I offer suggestions to my parents -- such as cutting off Pete and Dave -- they get mad at me!

I'm ready to sever all ties because there's no stopping this train wreck. I think my parents actually enjoy paying for my two 50-something brothers so they can stay high, never grow up and always be dependent. Any advice? -- NO NAME IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR NO NAME: I agree there is nothing you can do to "save" your parents -- or your brothers, for that matter. Their patterns are too well established. You can, however, save yourself.

If seeing them is too painful, you have my permission to distance yourself from what appears to be their unhealthy symbiotic situation.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a generally quiet neighborhood, but my next-door neighbors yell at each other and their children a lot. The shouting sounds like it is escalating.

This morning, the father yelled at his young son, telling him to name the letters of the alphabet he was pointing to. His "lesson" was filled with anger and profanity when the boy made mistakes. It was finally interrupted by the mother, shouting for him to stop. He then screamed, "Shut your mouth!" and she responded, "Don't you touch me!"

I don't know what to do. At what point should I call the police, or is this none of my business? -- WORRIED NEIGHBOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED NEIGHBOR: The turmoil in that household isn't healthy for the children. The next time the father starts shouting, call the police to report a "domestic disturbance." The verbal abuse could very well escalate to physical violence (if it hasn't already).

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law, a doctor, had an affair a few years ago with his nurse. It destroyed his more than 20-year marriage to my former sister-in-law. He married the nurse.

I want nothing to do with him or his new wife now. He stayed with us for a while and lied about the affair. I have no respect for either of them. I usually ignore them at family gatherings because I don't like to associate with people who do not share my values. Abby, do you think I should accept his new wife? -- PRINCIPLED IN DAYTON

DEAR PRINCIPLED: Good manners dictate that when you see them you be civil to them. It doesn't have to extend beyond, "Hello. How are you?" and moving on to talk with other relatives -- and it doesn't indicate "acceptance."