DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their 80s. I have two brothers. "Pete," the oldest, is in his 50s and lives with them. "Dave" lives next door. My parents support them both financially. Neither one works or even tries to find a job. Both of them are addicted to meth, and one is hooked on prescription pills as well. My parents know it but enable them by paying their bills.

Pete and Dave steal and blame each other or any innocent family member who comes to visit. My parents are in total denial. There is major drug use going on every day, as well as potential violence. Pete and Dave threaten to shoot people all the time.

Part of me understands it's none of my business, and I have no desire to be around such dysfunction. The other part of me is furious and wants to put a stop to them using my parents. If I offer suggestions to my parents -- such as cutting off Pete and Dave -- they get mad at me!

I'm ready to sever all ties because there's no stopping this train wreck. I think my parents actually enjoy paying for my two 50-something brothers so they can stay high, never grow up and always be dependent. Any advice? -- NO NAME IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR NO NAME: I agree there is nothing you can do to "save" your parents -- or your brothers, for that matter. Their patterns are too well established. You can, however, save yourself.

If seeing them is too painful, you have my permission to distance yourself from what appears to be their unhealthy symbiotic situation.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a generally quiet neighborhood, but my next-door neighbors yell at each other and their children a lot. The shouting sounds like it is escalating.

This morning, the father yelled at his young son, telling him to name the letters of the alphabet he was pointing to. His "lesson" was filled with anger and profanity when the boy made mistakes. It was finally interrupted by the mother, shouting for him to stop. He then screamed, "Shut your mouth!" and she responded, "Don't you touch me!"

I don't know what to do. At what point should I call the police, or is this none of my business? -- WORRIED NEIGHBOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED NEIGHBOR: The turmoil in that household isn't healthy for the children. The next time the father starts shouting, call the police to report a "domestic disturbance." The verbal abuse could very well escalate to physical violence (if it hasn't already).

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law, a doctor, had an affair a few years ago with his nurse. It destroyed his more than 20-year marriage to my former sister-in-law. He married the nurse.

I want nothing to do with him or his new wife now. He stayed with us for a while and lied about the affair. I have no respect for either of them. I usually ignore them at family gatherings because I don't like to associate with people who do not share my values. Abby, do you think I should accept his new wife? -- PRINCIPLED IN DAYTON

DEAR PRINCIPLED: Good manners dictate that when you see them you be civil to them. It doesn't have to extend beyond, "Hello. How are you?" and moving on to talk with other relatives -- and it doesn't indicate "acceptance."

DEAR ABBY: My son, "James," is 25 and has been dating his girlfriend for three years. He has brought her over only five times.

This is his first girlfriend, and I think he is getting way too serious and thinking about marriage. While she seems nice, I do not think she's the right girl for my son to marry. James has not talked to me about marrying her just yet, but I think he knows I'm not a fan.

My question is, do I talk to my son about how I feel, or just bite my tongue and let him make his own decision, even though I think he'd be making a big mistake? Or should I say something and risk ruining our relationship?

James isn't the easiest person to talk to, especially when you don't agree with him. I'd hate to see him marry her and wind up divorced, knowing I might have been able to stop it. -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST IN NEW YORK

DEAR M.K.B.: At 25 years old, your son is an adult. A three-year relationship is not a whirlwind courtship. James and his girlfriend may already have an inkling about how you feel about her -- which is why you have seen them only five times in three years.

If you want any relationship at all with your son in the future, do not interfere. Let him work this out for himself. He may be your son, but he's no longer a child, so don't treat him like one.

DEAR ABBY: My wife thinks it's improper for my parents to include their grandson -- our 8-year-old son -- in their Christmas card photo. He's their only grandchild.

I have seen people include pictures of their pets, cars, boats and all sorts of other things in their photo cards. So why not grandchildren? My parents have pointed out that this is the only opportunity for their friends to see their grandchild, but my wife thinks he should be included only in our Christmas card. What do you think? --PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED: I think your wife is selfish, judgmental, and should be ashamed of herself for wanting to deprive your parents in this way.

Now I have a question for you: What's her problem? It's obvious that she has one where your folks are concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I had a great friendship that I threw away. "Shane" and I got along really well and, frankly, we ventured beyond friendship multiple times when we lived near each other. I think the "relationship" was good for both of us. Then I lost my temper during a trivial argument, and now he won't talk to me. We live in different states now, so the phone is the only way for us to contact each other.

Abby, I know the falling-out is my fault. He said something that shouldn't have set me off the way it did. How do I fix this? I miss talking to him, and he won't answer my calls anymore. -- REGRETTING MY TEMPER

DEAR REGRETTING: It appears Shane has not only moved away but also has moved on. When you were neighbors, the friends-with-benefits arrangement might have influenced him to forgive you. However, because that "leverage" is gone, you should move on, too. If he is unwilling to talk things out, there really isn't a way to "fix" it.

And now, a life lesson: The next time you're about to say something you might be sorry for later, remember that you can't "unring a bell" and that it cost you a friendship.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Richard," and I are a mature couple who have been seeing each other for three years. I love him. My dog is the issue.

"Princess" is a 2-year-old rat terrier/mini-pinscher mix. She weighs 9 pounds and is spoiled. (I admit I'm a softy when it comes to discipline.) She barks at anyone and anything she sees. Her barks are shrill and can be annoying. But I live alone and feel she is protecting me.

Richard can no longer tolerate Princess' barking and has curbed his visits considerably. Except for this issue, he is my dream guy, and I feel lucky to have found him. I was married for more than 20 years to a controlling man, and I had to defer or compromise on everything. I will not compromise on this. I feel Richard should understand my attachment to Princess, especially when he's not around.

I miss him. Our dates are now only occasional. He thinks I prefer the dog over him, and that's not the case. Am I being selfish? Why can't I have them both? Is there a future for us, or have we reached an impasse? -- WON'T GIVE UP THE PUP, LAFAYETTE, LA.

DEAR WON'T GIVE UP: Loving one's dog is not being selfish. You could have them both if you would contact a dog trainer and start giving Princess a doggy education that includes boundaries. Incessant barking should not be allowed.

Perhaps once Richard sees that Princess no longer regards him as a hostile intruder, he will feel more welcome. But that could take some work on the part of all three of you, if he's still willing.

DEAR ABBY: My grandpa remarried when I was a child. He and Grandma "Ella" each have five children. She is a wonderful woman.

When the holidays roll around, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, my grandparents always host at their home. They spend all day fixing up the house and preparing the food. When it's time to eat, Grandma Ella's children think they should be first in the line. If someone else tries (some of us on my grandfather's side of the family have small children), they grumble and complain.

When the dinner is over, it's always my mom, one of my two aunts and me doing the dishes and cleaning up. Grandma Ella's family never help. They just stroll back into the living room and watch TV or leave to go somewhere else. It would be nice to get some help once in a while so Mom, my aunts and I could also relax after the meal. Just leaving the mess is not an option. We tried it once, and Grandma and Grandpa ended up doing it. Any advice? -- STRESSED IN ADVANCE IN IOWA

DEAR STRESSED: Gladly! This Thanksgiving when everyone arrives, Grandma and Grandpa should cheerfully inform the happy revelers that small children will be fed first, regardless of whose side of the family they come from. At the same time, each of the adults should be assigned a cleanup chore so one side of the family isn't stuck with the entire burden. Unless your grandparents assert themselves, nothing will change, so please suggest this to them in advance.

DEAR ABBY: When a man is married, who is supposed to come first in his life -- his wife or his mother? -- TIRED OF BEING SECOND STRING

DEAR TIRED: At the risk of sounding preachy, the Scripture says a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. As much as a man may love his mother, in order to have a strong and healthy marriage, his wife should come first if he must make a choice.