DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Rick," is in prison and has been there for two years. He is the father of my 2-year-old son. I got pregnant three months into our relationship.

Ten days after our son was born, Rick had to turn himself in for something that happened prior to my getting pregnant. He was sentenced to five years. He was supposed to serve only two years of it, but another charge caused that to change, and he won't be home for another year and a half.

I'm starting to get confused about our relationship because we barely have one anymore. We never get to see each other or talk.

Every time I have a night out I meet different people, but I feel too guilty to continue with anything. My girlfriends all tell me I need to move on, that I don't deserve this and that I'm the one "in prison." But I really want the perfect family.

What do you think I should do, Abby? Move on and be happy, or sit here playing the waiting game? -- LOST AND CONFUSED

DEAR LOST: I'm glad you asked. Although Rick is the father of your little boy, you are not married to him. Therefore you are not morally obligated to put yourself into suspended animation until he is released from prison.

If you really want the "perfect family," you should do as your friends advise and move on, not because Rick made a mistake that got him into prison, but because there was a second offense that extended his sentence. It suggests a pattern.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I was given the news that a close friend had committed suicide. I wish I could say it's the first time I have been in this situation, but I can't. My issue is, I think suicide is more than a little selfish and I am unable to get beyond my anger. How do I support the family and friends of a loved one who has died by suicide when I can't get past the anger? -- OVERCOME IN GLEN BURNIE, MD.

DEAR OVERCOME: I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. While it is normal to feel angry about the suicide, you also need to find some compassion. Individuals who decide to end their lives do so for various reasons -- to stop overwhelming emotional pain, because of mental illness, to punish someone, because of an incurable illness, and sometimes out of impulse.

Whatever your friend's reason was, please do not take it out on the grieving family and friends. They are dealing with enough of their own mixed emotions right now. If you feel you can't control your emotions, stay away until you can.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in a nursing home for long-term care. The holidays will soon be here. How do I sign the holiday cards? Should I include my husband's name? My son is living with me. Do I include his name, too? -- GETTING READY IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR GETTING READY: It is perfectly acceptable to include all three names on your holiday cards. (Send them out early, because the post office is sure to be especially busy in December.)

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering what families should do with old pictures if someone in their family is transgender. -- ANDY IN OHIO

DEAR ANDY: They should ask their transgendered relative what he or she would like done with the pictures and take their lead from the person's wishes.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who is obsessed with selling "finds" on eBay. I often give her little items that she has mentioned she liked -- or outright asked for. I always thought she wanted to keep them for herself. Recently I saw some of the things I gave her for sale under her eBay account.

I am dismayed that she is taking advantage of my generosity to make a few bucks. No, she is not desperate. And no, I don't feel comfortable saying something unless it's clever and I won't appear to be jealous or petty. -- TRACI IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRACI: You don't have to say anything clever. What you should do is tell your friend that you were hurt when you saw the items she had requested up for sale on her eBay account. Period. And in the future, be a little less generous about providing stock for her retail venture.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years, I have seen many letters from soon-to-be-brides asking if they should include their husband's sister or other female friend in their bridal party, even if they don't know them. There is a solution.

This summer, I was honored to be the best man at the wedding of a close friend. He had a female friend, "Liz," whom he wanted in the wedding party. Liz didn't know the bride, so instead of having her be a bridesmaid, Liz was a groomswoman. She stood in photos with the groomsmen, and even wore a matching outfit -- a lovely gray dress with a red ribbon to match our gray suits and red ties. -- BEST MAN IN REDMOND, WASH.

DEAR BEST MAN: That is certainly an appropriate solution to something that shouldn't be a problem in the first place. Women have also occasionally served in the capacity of "best man." I'm glad you mentioned it.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column referring to not being invited to children's birthday parties and the hurt that follows. It's amazing to me that some adults have also never learned the importance of being sensitive to the feelings of others.

We recently moved into an established neighborhood where a group of adults go on trips, out to dinner, etc. I am old enough to realize that my husband and I will not be invited to everything. But I am not "old enough" not to feel a stab of pain and isolation when group plans are discussed in my presence and we are not invited.

Somewhere along the line, people need to learn not to discuss group activities in front of those who are not included. No one wants to feel left out. -- NEWCOMER TO MINNESOTA

DEAR NEWCOMER: You've said it well. While I don't think the offenders are being deliberately cruel, if people would think before opening their mouths, a lot of hurt feelings could be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: I'm just wondering what you and your readers think about this: If you see your doctor only once a year (or less if you are well), but you have been going to that doctor for five years or so, should that doctor remember you? -- LOUISE IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOUISE: It depends on the volume of patients the doctor has in his (or her) practice. However, before seeing you, the doctor should certainly familiarize himself (or herself) with your file so you are not being seen "cold."

DEAR ABBY: I work in a cubicle in close proximity to my co-workers. I can't help but hear everything. A co-worker who sits next to me is driving me crazy. She spells her name wrong to customers every day, 20 times a day. She also makes seductive moans during the day. I almost want to peek over the cubicle to see what she's doing.

When I have mentioned to her that perhaps she must spell her name so often to customers because she's spelling it wrong in the first place, her retort is, "No, I don't!" Everyone in the office can hear her, too. They think it's funny.

Abby, she's making me crazy. Should I record her for a few hours and play it back? Unless I do, she won't believe she does it. By the end of the week, I can hardly speak to her. Please help. -- TORTURED IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR TORTURED: Although your co-worker may seem to spell her name wrong to you, there are variations on the spelling of many names (i.e., Jeannie-Jeanne, Shari-Sherry-Cheri, Brian-Bryan, Steven-Stephen). The spelling of someone's name is usually determined by one's parents -- so lighten up.

Your co-worker may be unaware that she makes these sounds. Instead of criticizing her, perhaps you should mention this to her. I don't think you need to make any recordings.

If the noise is distracting others in the office, a group of you should approach a supervisor about it. If not, then I'd recommend earphones for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm sure I speak for hairstylists all over the country who style hair for our dearly departed. It is the last time their family will see them, so it is very important that it looks "just right." Please bring us a picture of your loved one that was taken within the last few years, not one from 20 or 30 years ago. (Yes, Abby, it happens all the time.)

Also, please describe how the deceased wore their hair if the picture has a pompadour and the person has a short bob. It's really frustrating! If you would take snapshots of your loved ones occasionally, I wouldn't have to wonder what Mom looked like. -- SANDY THE HAIRSTYLIST

DEAR SANDY: Obviously, this is something that families don't always consider when they are grieving. Thank you for the heads-up.

DEAR ABBY: Can a man be too good to a woman? I dated this fantastic lady for four years. We made a commitment to be true to each other. She broke up with me. Her reason? She said I treated her too well.

We were good to each other. We never had a disagreement. We went on several trips together. I love her so much. How can a person be too good to the one he loves? -- BEGGING FOR ANSWERS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BEGGING: If a woman is used to abusive relationships, she may find being treated well not "exciting" enough. This usually happens when the person confuses love with feelings of anxiety and pain. Others can't resist a "challenge" and find stress-free relationships boring.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but please understand that you may have dodged a bullet. Once you accept it, you can move on.