DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a year ago, after being married to "Valerie" for 14 years. After his death, she got his life insurance. She paid for his funeral and the burial. She also bought a new house and a horse within two months of losing our father. Four months later, she was dating another man.

My sister and I didn't ask for anything except a few articles of Dad's clothing. Having spent all the insurance money, Valerie is now asking me and my sister to give her money for our father's headstone. We feel his life insurance money should have been used for this. My question is, are we wrong for being angry with her? Isn't she at least morally obligated to purchase his headstone? -- LOST GRIEVING DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your stepmother should be ashamed of herself for foisting off her moral responsibility to her husband of 14 years. And no, you're not wrong to be angry about it.

You and your sister must now decide if you can live with the thought of your father having an unmarked grave. Ask the people who manage the cemetery if they might allow you to have a special planting -- a bush, perhaps -- to be used as a marker in lieu of a headstone.

DEAR ABBY: Last night I got a debt collection call for my brother, "Stan." He and his wife, "Susie," are ready to file for bankruptcy and have been dodging creditors left and right. This is the first time I have heard from Stan's creditors, but creditors have called me about other family members, too. My relatives expect me to lie to the callers to protect them.

Abby, I pay my bills and pride myself on living an honest and open life. I feel bad for Stan and Susie, but is it right for them to expect me to deal with their creditors when they won't? -- FED UP IN DELAWARE

DEAR FED UP: Of course not. However, whoever made that call may not have been in compliance with the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, which applies to those who collect debts owed to creditors for personal, family and household debts. (These can include car loans, mortgages and money owed for medical bills.)

According to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, a debt collector may not contact the debtor's friends, relatives, employer or others, except to find out where the person who owes the money lives or works. If the calls continue, contact the Federal Trade Commission by calling (toll-free) 1-877-382-4357 or visit its website, www.ftc.gov.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have become friends with a client of mine, "Doug." I live in Wisconsin; he lives in Florida. We are both happily married and share about family and work. We use instant messaging for work-related issues and to chitchat. We have typed "I love you" to each other at times -- but only if we're being sarcastic, joking around or saying thanks for some help.

My husband doesn't think you can say "I love you" to a friend without having feelings or wanting more. I have never regarded Doug as anything but a friend, and he feels the same. Can I say "I love you" to a friend without it meaning something more? -- SPREADING THE LOVE

DEAR SPREADING: In my opinion you can, and many people do. There is a difference between saying "I love you" and "I am IN love with you," and I'm surprised that your husband doesn't realize it. Could he be feeling insecure?

DEAR ABBY: There is a man at work I'm very attracted to. He seems to be equally attracted to me. The problem is, he has shown me two pictures of his privates that he has on his cellphone. When he did it, it wasn't completely out of context of our conversation and our interest in each other. We do not have a physical relationship (yet), but I'm considering it. How weird is it that he has these pictures on his phone? -- GOT AN EYEFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOT AN EYEFUL: That must have been some conversation! It's amazing either of you get any work done with so many pheromones floating in the air. From my perspective, what your co-worker did was "premature" considering you have no social relationship (yet). It could also be considered a form of flashing.

However, while I consider what he did to be overexposure and not a particularly impressive courtship technique, displaying pictures of his anatomy on his cellphone is not unheard of among men who think like adolescents.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son left for college over a month ago. While cleaning his room, I found all sorts of marijuana paraphernalia. I'm at a loss about how to handle this. I want to confront him because he knew the rules of the house (no drugs) and lied to me and broke them.

I do not want drugs in this house! I don't know what to do or say if he wants to come home for school breaks. I pray he is no longer doing them, but I think I would just be lied to if I brought it up. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN MOM: You have a right to set the rules in your house and expect that they will be respected. When your son comes home for his first school break, tell him what you found and how hurt you are to have been lied to. Then tell him that to make sure he doesn't abuse your trust in the future, you will be randomly drug-testing him. (Testing kits are sold over the counter at your pharmacy.) Explain what the penalty will be if he disregards your wishes. The threat of a drug test may ensure his compliance.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son left for college over a month ago. While cleaning his room, I found all sorts of marijuana paraphernalia. I'm at a loss about how to handle this. I want to confront him because he knew the rules of the house (no drugs) and lied to me and broke them.

I do not want drugs in this house! I don't know what to do or say if he wants to come home for school breaks. I pray he is no longer doing them, but I think I would just be lied to if I brought it up. -- HEARTBROKEN MOM IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN MOM: You have a right to set the rules in your house and expect that they will be respected. When your son comes home for his first school break, tell him what you found and how hurt you are to have been lied to. Then tell him that to make sure he doesn't abuse your trust in the future, you will be randomly drug-testing him. (Testing kits are sold over the counter at your pharmacy.) Explain what the penalty will be if he disregards your wishes. The threat of a drug test may ensure his compliance.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety.

DEAR ABBY: "Chaplin, Conn., Reader" (Aug. 16) suggested that teachers should be sharing life lessons with children. Unfortunately, many people in our society believe it -- including parents. Students come to us with ever-increasing deficits in many non-curricular areas. But it is not the job of public educators to teach them the importance of families, helping grandparents, caring for household pets, etc.

If these things come up in the course of the day and there is a need to address them, we try to clarify any misconceptions. But taking time to prepare and teach a lesson on any of these small but important subjects is no longer an option. The demands placed on teachers today are vast and complex. Just getting parents to follow through at home on school responsibilities is a job in itself. Many of them don't seem to think they need to help their kids be successful in school. -- SEEN IT ALL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SEEN IT ALL: Thank you for your comments. The letter from "Chaplin, Conn. Reader" brought a huge number of responses on this issue, primarily from teachers:

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in an elementary school for nine years. A teacher is a counselor, doctor, social worker and behavioral specialist all in one. Kids come to class dirty, hungry, tired, with no manners or clue about the alphabet or counting. Teachers have halted lessons because a child is in a meltdown. Some kids have never held a pencil or scissors, and don't know how to share or take directions from an adult. It's sad to hear them say they have no crayons at home or books to read. As for testing, unless the parents do their job, we will see little improvement in scores. And no, I don't work in a big-city school district -- this is a nice suburban area. -- STILL LOVE MY JOB

DEAR ABBY: I spend half my teaching time on behavioral issues, social skills, bullying, how to work in a group and just trying to hold kids' attention. Many children today are so used to constant stimulation from TV, video games, texting, etc., that their attention spans max out at 30 seconds. I practically have to sing and dance to reach them or they tune out. I suggest "Chaplin" go to a school, volunteer, and try to become a part of the solution instead of adding to the burden of already overworked teachers. -- TEACHING IN TACOMA

DEAR ABBY: You said parents should be the ones teaching the kinds of things the Connecticut reader wrote about. Then you asked where the parents are. Let me tell you! They're too busy on their smartphones talking to or fighting with their latest boy- or girlfriend, playing electronic games, out drinking and partying so much they don't know or care where their kids are. Parents who actually spend time with their children and give them undivided attention are sadly in the minority. Those who help to teach them are even fewer in number. -- KANSAS READER

DEAR ABBY: You are correct that teachers are overwhelmed by many curricular, legislative and administrative demands. However, educators can continually instill many of these life lessons into students by acting as positive role models who consistently demonstrate core values such as integrity, respect and determination. Students tend to do and learn what they see even more than what they are told -- by parents and teachers. -- ANNE IN NEVADA

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired physical education teacher, One day during a health class, a mother of one of my students came to school and told me I should teach "morals and manners" to her daughter. My response: "Ma'am, if you couldn't do that in 14 years, I can't do it in 40 minutes a day." -- REMEMBERS IT WELL