DEAR ABBY: I am very concerned for my henpecked son who is expecting his first child. He works long hours (50-plus a week) at a low-paying job with an hour commute. His wife works part-time (10 hours a week). The problem is, their tiny apartment is a pigsty, and she doesn't clean or pick up. She expects him to do it all, and he tries to, while she reads and makes baby quilts.

How do I tactfully get her to do her share now, before the baby comes and she expects my son to "help her" even more? He is totally overburdened, stressed out, but seemingly happy. Until I saw the condition of their apartment I had suspected it was bad, but had no idea how bad the situation really was. -- DESPAIRING MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DESPAIRING MOM: Not knowing your daughter-in-law, I can't judge whether she is lazy, or whether the reason she isn't doing more around the apartment is pregnancy-related. You say your son is happy. Be grateful for that. Rather than "tactfully getting her to do her share," why not volunteer to help them until your grandchild is on a regular sleep schedule? It would make you appear to be an angel instead of critical, and bring the three of you a lot closer than you appear to be. However, if your offer is refused, then accept that this is how your son and daughter-in-law prefer to live.

DEAR ABBY: I spent tonight in a parking lot, knowing I had no options. My husband of 25 years is an alcoholic and abusive. I have two teenage children at home. I'm in bad health and haven't worked in decades. I'm trapped.

I have the typical arguments with my daughter. My son is a gem who stays home because he doesn't want to leave us with his father. It's a sad situation.

While catching up on reading Dear Abby tonight, I saw a number for an abuse hotline where they will help me with a plan to leave. I have no money, no chance of getting a job. But that number gave me a glimmer of hope. It seems too good to be true, but I'll make that call. Thank you, Abby. -- BEATEN DOWN IN TEXAS

DEAR BEATEN DOWN: I'm glad you are making that call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Part of the reason you feel so hopeless and "beaten down" is that for so many years your abuser chipped away at your self-esteem.

For any other reader who may have missed that column and needs the toll-free phone number, it is 800-799-7233.

DEAR ABBY: My good friend "Claire" has two daughters, 8 and 10. Her younger daughter is the same age as my daughter and they are very close. We spend a lot of time with them and have the girls at our house often.

After the last sleepover, my daughter commented that the sisters argue all the time and it's not fun having them over anymore. She would like to invite only the younger daughter for a sleepover, but we have put off asking as we are afraid of hurting the older daughter's feelings by not including her. Actually, I'm afraid it might hurt the mother's feelings, too. What's the best way to invite only one sibling? -- SLEEPOVER NIGHTMARE

DEAR S.N.: If the girls are arguing when they're at your house, you can bet it's happening at home, too. Talk to Claire and explain what happened and your daughter's reaction. The older girl should be interacting/socializing with friends of her own.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. At every company he has worked at, there was always a female he got close to -- sometimes a little "too close." We have had counseling. Our counselor has told him his behavior is destructive in a marriage and he should be an "open book" for as long as it takes to rebuild the trust in our relationship.

I recently found that he has changed all the passwords on his email and computer accounts. Needless to say, I am seriously disturbed by his behavior. He hasn't said anything about it, and I think he's waiting for me to ask him why. I think he wants to make the point that his "privacy" is being compromised, but I also suspect there is another new woman he's interested in recruiting.

I'm tired of these games. I don't know whether it's worth the energy to once again pursue the reasons for his behavior, or to finally walk away because I don't think he'll ever change. I really need advice. Please help. -- RUNNING OUT OF ENERGY

DEAR RUNNING: Because you are tired of the games, stop participating in them. Obviously, what your husband has done is a red flag. Tell him you know he has changed his passwords, and it appears to be an attempt on his part to close a chapter of what's supposed to be an "open book." If he attacks you for looking, remind him that with his history of serial infidelity you would have to be out of your mind not to.

Forgive me for appearing negative, but if after 10 years the two of you haven't been able to fix what's missing in your marriage -- even with the help of a counselor -- there is nothing more I can suggest.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend of mine, "Blanche," was diagnosed with Alzheimer's several years ago. She let me know that once she reached a certain point in the disease she did not want to be paraded around for others to gawk at.

That time came about a year ago, but I still pick her up every Sunday and take her to church. It's the only time she gets to leave the nursing home, and she loves it. The people at church give her hugs and go out of their way to treat her well and she feels it.

My question is, am I wrong in going against her earlier wishes? -- FRIEND IN ARIZONA

DEAR FRIEND: I think you are. Your friend clearly stated when she was in her right mind that she did not want to be an object of pity. By going against her wishes, you have taken away her right to be remembered with dignity. And while it was done in a well-meaning way, I don't agree with it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my 30s and I'm facing the serious decision of whether to have children or not. What I'd like to know is, do people who choose not to have children regret it later in life? I appreciate your response. -- CURIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR CURIOUS: Some probably do, but according to the mail I have received, most of the women I hear from have no regrets. In fact, last year I heard from a number of parents who said they regretted having taken on the challenge of parenthood. So, while having children can be rewarding, it is clearly not for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and I really like this boy, but I can't find the courage to ask him out. I'm pretty sure he likes me, too, because whenever we're together he holds my hand or puts his arms around me.

He has a great smile and personality. We have many things in common, such as we both play an instrument, we make each other laugh and we're both close with our families. What I don't understand is why he hasn't made a move yet to ask me out. -- NEEDS LOVE HELP

DEAR NEEDS LOVE HELP: I can think of a few reasons, and none of them have anything to do with how much he likes you. He may not be able to afford to ask you out, he may feel shy, he may not feel ready to date, or his parents may prefer that he concentrate on something other than romance. Some teens get around this by socializing in groups, so instead of asking him "out," consider asking if he'd like to join you and a group of your friends sometime.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old woman who lives at home with my parents. I have been seeing an amazing person for a while now. There is just one problem. My mother has decided to put "rules" on our relationship.

By rules, I mean: a curfew, how often I see him, where I am to be with him and various other things. Also, she randomly blurts out that I am "never to move in with him until I am married." I don't plan on moving in with him until we both have our college degrees.

I am technically an adult, which means to me that I can make my own decisions and suffer the consequences if there are any. I know I live in my parents' home. I follow their rules and respect their wishes -- but this is a bit extreme, don't you think?

Abby, please advise me on how to explain to my mom that I'm an adult and not a newborn baby as she regards me? -- NOT A CHILD ANYMORE IN OHIO

DEAR NOT A CHILD: Although you may be an adult in the eyes of the law in Ohio, you are not independent. As long as you are dependent upon your parents for shelter, food or anything else there is a price you will have to pay. In this case, the price you are paying is your mother's loving but hawklike supervision. And if you think you or I can talk her out of it, you're dreaming.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were invited to my brother's wedding, and we accepted. Later, my brother asked me to be a groomsman.

My wife is upset because I didn't ask her if she minded that I'll be in the wedding and I will walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids. She feels that my walking with another woman is a "date" and disrespectful to her. Is it proper wedding etiquette to accept an invitation to be in a wedding if you are married? -- GROOMSMAN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GROOMSMAN: It is very common for the brother of the groom to be in his wedding party -- and marital status has nothing to do with it. Escorting an assigned bridesmaid to and from the altar is not a "date," nor is it disrespectful to your wife, who may really be upset because she wasn't also asked to be part of the wedding party.