DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. At every company he has worked at, there was always a female he got close to -- sometimes a little "too close." We have had counseling. Our counselor has told him his behavior is destructive in a marriage and he should be an "open book" for as long as it takes to rebuild the trust in our relationship.

I recently found that he has changed all the passwords on his email and computer accounts. Needless to say, I am seriously disturbed by his behavior. He hasn't said anything about it, and I think he's waiting for me to ask him why. I think he wants to make the point that his "privacy" is being compromised, but I also suspect there is another new woman he's interested in recruiting.

I'm tired of these games. I don't know whether it's worth the energy to once again pursue the reasons for his behavior, or to finally walk away because I don't think he'll ever change. I really need advice. Please help. -- RUNNING OUT OF ENERGY

DEAR RUNNING: Because you are tired of the games, stop participating in them. Obviously, what your husband has done is a red flag. Tell him you know he has changed his passwords, and it appears to be an attempt on his part to close a chapter of what's supposed to be an "open book." If he attacks you for looking, remind him that with his history of serial infidelity you would have to be out of your mind not to.

Forgive me for appearing negative, but if after 10 years the two of you haven't been able to fix what's missing in your marriage -- even with the help of a counselor -- there is nothing more I can suggest.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend of mine, "Blanche," was diagnosed with Alzheimer's several years ago. She let me know that once she reached a certain point in the disease she did not want to be paraded around for others to gawk at.

That time came about a year ago, but I still pick her up every Sunday and take her to church. It's the only time she gets to leave the nursing home, and she loves it. The people at church give her hugs and go out of their way to treat her well and she feels it.

My question is, am I wrong in going against her earlier wishes? -- FRIEND IN ARIZONA

DEAR FRIEND: I think you are. Your friend clearly stated when she was in her right mind that she did not want to be an object of pity. By going against her wishes, you have taken away her right to be remembered with dignity. And while it was done in a well-meaning way, I don't agree with it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and I really like this boy, but I can't find the courage to ask him out. I'm pretty sure he likes me, too, because whenever we're together he holds my hand or puts his arms around me.

He has a great smile and personality. We have many things in common, such as we both play an instrument, we make each other laugh and we're both close with our families. What I don't understand is why he hasn't made a move yet to ask me out. -- NEEDS LOVE HELP

DEAR NEEDS LOVE HELP: I can think of a few reasons, and none of them have anything to do with how much he likes you. He may not be able to afford to ask you out, he may feel shy, he may not feel ready to date, or his parents may prefer that he concentrate on something other than romance. Some teens get around this by socializing in groups, so instead of asking him "out," consider asking if he'd like to join you and a group of your friends sometime.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old woman who lives at home with my parents. I have been seeing an amazing person for a while now. There is just one problem. My mother has decided to put "rules" on our relationship.

By rules, I mean: a curfew, how often I see him, where I am to be with him and various other things. Also, she randomly blurts out that I am "never to move in with him until I am married." I don't plan on moving in with him until we both have our college degrees.

I am technically an adult, which means to me that I can make my own decisions and suffer the consequences if there are any. I know I live in my parents' home. I follow their rules and respect their wishes -- but this is a bit extreme, don't you think?

Abby, please advise me on how to explain to my mom that I'm an adult and not a newborn baby as she regards me? -- NOT A CHILD ANYMORE IN OHIO

DEAR NOT A CHILD: Although you may be an adult in the eyes of the law in Ohio, you are not independent. As long as you are dependent upon your parents for shelter, food or anything else there is a price you will have to pay. In this case, the price you are paying is your mother's loving but hawklike supervision. And if you think you or I can talk her out of it, you're dreaming.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were invited to my brother's wedding, and we accepted. Later, my brother asked me to be a groomsman.

My wife is upset because I didn't ask her if she minded that I'll be in the wedding and I will walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids. She feels that my walking with another woman is a "date" and disrespectful to her. Is it proper wedding etiquette to accept an invitation to be in a wedding if you are married? -- GROOMSMAN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GROOMSMAN: It is very common for the brother of the groom to be in his wedding party -- and marital status has nothing to do with it. Escorting an assigned bridesmaid to and from the altar is not a "date," nor is it disrespectful to your wife, who may really be upset because she wasn't also asked to be part of the wedding party.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old wife and mother. My husband, "Jake," works 40-plus hours a week, while I am a stay-at-home mom. My daughter, who is almost 3, keeps me on my toes.

In the evenings and on weekends, Jake does yard work or works in the garden. I hate it because I'm with our daughter all day, every day, and he expects me to watch her while he's outside working.

I dislike yard and garden work and don't like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health/physical issues that keep me from being as active as I would like. Every weekend I feel my resentment and anger growing over this issue.

Jake says it is necessary for us to have a garden, and I agree. But why must I have all the responsibility of caring for our daughter even on weekends? I'd like it if Jake would stay in with us and give up on some of the outside activities. This is something we argue about at least once a week. What do you suggest? -- SECOND TO A SHRUB IN OREGON

DEAR SECOND TO A SHRUB: While tending to the yard and the garden may be necessary, it is also very important for your husband to devote some time to nurturing his relationship with his daughter. Mention that fact to him, and while you're at it, tell him she should be at least as important to him as the tomato plants and the zinnias. You should not be saddled with all the child care responsibilities 24/7. Marriages are like gardens. If they're not given care and feeding, they will wither as yours appears to be doing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged and being married soon. I have always had very close non-romantic relationships with males. I was raised around guys, so it's natural for me.

People told me that when I fell in love with someone it would be easier to let my male friendships fall by the wayside. This hasn't been the case.

These friendships are the ones I prefer now more than ever. The conversations are better. I find men more emotionally stable than women. They also let me talk without interrupting to give their opinions as women do.

I love my fiance dearly and he has been incredibly understanding about this, but I can tell it upsets him. I have been known to talk all night with friends, especially when I'm overwhelmed. My fiance is hurt that I don't come to him with these issues, but he's in medical school and has his own stress.

Do I need to eliminate these friendships that come so naturally to me for the sake of my husband-to-be? Is it inappropriate for me to have close male friends after I'm married? -- PREFERS MEN

DEAR PREFERS MEN: Why are you presenting the issue as all or nothing? It's not. Nor is it inappropriate for you to keep close male friendships after you marry -- because that has been your lifelong practice.

However, I do think some behavior modification is in order. The first thing you should do is cut out the all-night dump sessions with these men.

For one thing, the man you marry should be your best friend and the person you go to first to express your concerns when you're overwhelmed. This is part of intimacy, and he may be feeling hurt and shut out because you are denying that to him.

For another, he may have concerns of his own that he'd like to discuss with you. Being on the phone all night talking to someone else is really neglectful of the man you love.