DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. We finally moved in together a year ago. Things have been going pretty well, with the exception of an unusual habit of his that has become more evident since living together. He spends anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 1/2 hours in the bathroom every day. A couple of times he has even fallen asleep in there.

I have told him more than once how much it bothers me, but he continues to do it. It's driving a wedge between us. Am I overreacting? Is he purposely trying to put space between us? -- TIRED OF THE TOILET TURMOIL

He takes his computer in the bathroom because he claims he gets a lot of work done. Some days I barely get to see him because he works late and then spends the rest of the day you-know-where.

DEAR TIRED: He may be using the bathroom as a refuge from more "togetherness" than he can handle, or he may be doing something on his computer that's more than work-related. I do think there is more going on than he's telling you, but in order to get to the bottom of it, you will have to convince him to open up and be honest. And no, I do not think that after having invested six years in this relationship you are "overreacting."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl whose parents are divorced. When I was a baby, I lived with my grandma, but my mom took me back when I was 7 or 8.

My mother abused me while I was living with her, but nobody knew it. When I was 12, I was sent to my dad's for Christmas. By then he was on his third marriage. His new wife already had two kids.

While I was visiting, Mom called to make trouble for me. She said she was worried I might be messing around with boys she didn't approve of, and threatened to "beat me bloody" when she got hold of me. My dad went to court to see if I could stay with him permanently, and it turned out I could.

Now I'm having trouble with my stepmom and her kids. She thinks her two girls are little angels. She's mean to me and treats me like I'm doing something wrong all the time. I feel so alone.

Mom and Grandma want nothing to do with me. So, Abby, I have a few questions: Should I have a bad feeling about staying with my dad because of my stepmom? And, if I ever have my own kids, will I end up treating them like my mom treated me? Thank you for listening. -- SAD TEEN, NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SAD TEEN: There are many loving and caring stepparents. I'm sorry that you have been shortchanged by the women in your life, all of whom may be less mature than you are at your tender age. You will have to look elsewhere for the mentoring you need from an adult -- a teacher, a counselor, a coach, or even the mother of one of your friends.

Please don't be afraid that you will automatically repeat the cycle of abuse that you have suffered. You have learned firsthand how not to treat others. Many adults are able to give their children the parenting they didn't experience themselves. (My hat is off to all of them.)

P.S. Perhaps fathers should not automatically assume that second (or third) wives will be able to accept and love their children from a prior marriage. Blending families should be done with eyes wide open.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is annoyed with me because I'm not jumping up and down with joy over my grandson's forthcoming wedding. Yes, I am happy they're getting married, but how excited can I get? The two have been sexually involved since they met in high school four years ago. She was 16; he was 17.

For the past two years, he and his girlfriend have shared an apartment and lived as man and wife. The bride-to-be's parents are not exactly thrilled either at the expense of a white gown and a few hundred chicken dinners, hall and band. However, my daughter insists on it and wants everybody to get excited.

OK -- so I'm excited. Whoopee. -- GRANNY MAE

DEAR GRANNY MAE: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Your grandson and his fiancee care enough about each other to commit, in a public ceremony, to spending their lives together. That's a positive step that deserves to be celebrated.

Whether you or I approve of couples living together is beside the point. They are adults and it was their choice. Be happy that they are now tying the knot to bind themselves together in a more permanent union.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Doris," got divorced 10 years ago. Since then, she's lost a lot of weight and had extensive plastic surgery. She now dresses in as little clothing as possible to show off her body.

We frequently have family get-togethers, and I notice my husband, "Rod," looking at Doris in a sexual way. She seems to appreciate it. At the last family gathering, she wore black thong underwear. I know because it became impossible to ignore after she positioned herself on her chair so that her pants dropped down, exposing her fanny.

I am upset with her. I told my mother I'd like to limit these get-togethers. Now my mother is mad at me. She says I am being silly and unreasonable. What do you think? -- HURTING IN SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR HURTING: Your sister is overcompensating for all those years she felt unattractive. I hope she learns quickly that the kind of attention she's getting from dressing so seductively isn't the kind that lasts.

P.S. In the interest of your marriage, your husband should be less obvious about his ogling since it's making you feel insecure. If you haven't done so already, please mention it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughters attend a high school where a "Sadie Hawkins" dance has been planned for the students. The problem is, the guys at their school think it's "cool" to wait until the day before the dance to answer the girls' invitations. These are otherwise polite young men, but they see no problem in making the girl wait until the last minute to know if she even has a date for the event.

I think this is extremely rude and inconsiderate. What is your opinion? And what do you suggest the girls say to the young men who leave them hanging? -- MOM WHO CARES IN ARIZONA

DEAR MOM WHO CARES: The courteous way to respond when invited out is to accept or say no promptly. I agree that it's rude to keep someone hanging. If your daughters don't get a response within a reasonable amount of time -- say, 24 to 48 hours -- they should invite someone else. And when the original boy finally comes up with his acceptance, he should be told, "Sorry, when I didn't hear back from you, I asked someone else."

DEAR ABBY: My father left my mother after 32 years of marriage. To say Mom was devastated would be putting it mildly. She tried to keep things cordial for the sake of her four kids, but Dad spurned her efforts.

My three brothers and I are now married with children of our own. Only recently have I been able to express how ashamed I am of myself and my siblings for the despicable way we have treated our mother for the past 17 years.

Dad was always arrogant, but he became even worse when he came into money. In our lives, Dad became No. 1. The reason? You guessed it -- the money. We put our mother down every chance we got, and our spouses chimed right in. We visited her only once or twice a year and never repaid the money she lent us. She knew she wasn't wanted or respected. Dad is clueless to the fact that we hang around only because of what we can get (and have gotten) from him. This is still true of my brothers, but I no longer want any part of this charade.

Mom is gone now. No, she hasn't passed away. She quietly moved out of our lives and I don't know where she is. I don't blame her for leaving. The abuse she took from us shouldn't happen to a dog. When I look back, I remember a mother who held a full-time job, kept a marvelous home, was a great cook and had a wonderful laugh and sensitivity. She didn't smoke, drink or cheat on Dad. Was she perfect? Of course not; none of us is.

All she wanted after the divorce was to be loved by her kids and spend time with her grandkids. Now the grandkids are growing up without knowing this wonderful woman.

Mom, if you see this letter, I love you dearly. I hope you can someday forgive me for all the years of hateful remarks and unkind deeds. The pain you must have suffered is something I'll have to live with the rest of my life. You are a class act, and I'm going to live the rest of my life trying to emulate your values and quiet dignity. -- MISSING MY MOM IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR MISSING: If you're truly sorry, it's time to tell your mother personally and ask her forgiveness. Do whatever it takes to locate her, including hiring a private detective if necessary. It may be expensive, but use some of the money you got from Dear Old Dad.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 81-year-old grandmother who blindly trusted that my annual Pap smear exam would provide early detection for any type of uterine cancer.

It took a diagnosis of uterine cancer that resulted in a subsequent hysterectomy for me to discover that this test is not enough. Although the Pap test should be part of a regular checkup, it only checks for cervical cancer. Except when hormone therapy is being taken, any bleeding, spotting or abnormal discharge following menopause is not normal and should be reported at once to your doctor. -- GEORGIA GRANDMOTHER

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I'm pleased that your cancer was caught in time. However, whether a woman is pre- or post-menopausal -- and whether or not she is on hormone therapy -- she should immediately alert her doctor to any abnormal bleeding, spotting or discharge. These symptoms are not just warning signs of cancer. They could also indicate a polyp that needs removal, or a sexually transmitted disease.