DEAR ABBY: My daughter is annoyed with me because I'm not jumping up and down with joy over my grandson's forthcoming wedding. Yes, I am happy they're getting married, but how excited can I get? The two have been sexually involved since they met in high school four years ago. She was 16; he was 17.

For the past two years, he and his girlfriend have shared an apartment and lived as man and wife. The bride-to-be's parents are not exactly thrilled either at the expense of a white gown and a few hundred chicken dinners, hall and band. However, my daughter insists on it and wants everybody to get excited.

OK -- so I'm excited. Whoopee. -- GRANNY MAE

DEAR GRANNY MAE: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Your grandson and his fiancee care enough about each other to commit, in a public ceremony, to spending their lives together. That's a positive step that deserves to be celebrated.

Whether you or I approve of couples living together is beside the point. They are adults and it was their choice. Be happy that they are now tying the knot to bind themselves together in a more permanent union.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Doris," got divorced 10 years ago. Since then, she's lost a lot of weight and had extensive plastic surgery. She now dresses in as little clothing as possible to show off her body.

We frequently have family get-togethers, and I notice my husband, "Rod," looking at Doris in a sexual way. She seems to appreciate it. At the last family gathering, she wore black thong underwear. I know because it became impossible to ignore after she positioned herself on her chair so that her pants dropped down, exposing her fanny.

I am upset with her. I told my mother I'd like to limit these get-togethers. Now my mother is mad at me. She says I am being silly and unreasonable. What do you think? -- HURTING IN SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR HURTING: Your sister is overcompensating for all those years she felt unattractive. I hope she learns quickly that the kind of attention she's getting from dressing so seductively isn't the kind that lasts.

P.S. In the interest of your marriage, your husband should be less obvious about his ogling since it's making you feel insecure. If you haven't done so already, please mention it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughters attend a high school where a "Sadie Hawkins" dance has been planned for the students. The problem is, the guys at their school think it's "cool" to wait until the day before the dance to answer the girls' invitations. These are otherwise polite young men, but they see no problem in making the girl wait until the last minute to know if she even has a date for the event.

I think this is extremely rude and inconsiderate. What is your opinion? And what do you suggest the girls say to the young men who leave them hanging? -- MOM WHO CARES IN ARIZONA

DEAR MOM WHO CARES: The courteous way to respond when invited out is to accept or say no promptly. I agree that it's rude to keep someone hanging. If your daughters don't get a response within a reasonable amount of time -- say, 24 to 48 hours -- they should invite someone else. And when the original boy finally comes up with his acceptance, he should be told, "Sorry, when I didn't hear back from you, I asked someone else."

DEAR ABBY: My father left my mother after 32 years of marriage. To say Mom was devastated would be putting it mildly. She tried to keep things cordial for the sake of her four kids, but Dad spurned her efforts.

My three brothers and I are now married with children of our own. Only recently have I been able to express how ashamed I am of myself and my siblings for the despicable way we have treated our mother for the past 17 years.

Dad was always arrogant, but he became even worse when he came into money. In our lives, Dad became No. 1. The reason? You guessed it -- the money. We put our mother down every chance we got, and our spouses chimed right in. We visited her only once or twice a year and never repaid the money she lent us. She knew she wasn't wanted or respected. Dad is clueless to the fact that we hang around only because of what we can get (and have gotten) from him. This is still true of my brothers, but I no longer want any part of this charade.

Mom is gone now. No, she hasn't passed away. She quietly moved out of our lives and I don't know where she is. I don't blame her for leaving. The abuse she took from us shouldn't happen to a dog. When I look back, I remember a mother who held a full-time job, kept a marvelous home, was a great cook and had a wonderful laugh and sensitivity. She didn't smoke, drink or cheat on Dad. Was she perfect? Of course not; none of us is.

All she wanted after the divorce was to be loved by her kids and spend time with her grandkids. Now the grandkids are growing up without knowing this wonderful woman.

Mom, if you see this letter, I love you dearly. I hope you can someday forgive me for all the years of hateful remarks and unkind deeds. The pain you must have suffered is something I'll have to live with the rest of my life. You are a class act, and I'm going to live the rest of my life trying to emulate your values and quiet dignity. -- MISSING MY MOM IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR MISSING: If you're truly sorry, it's time to tell your mother personally and ask her forgiveness. Do whatever it takes to locate her, including hiring a private detective if necessary. It may be expensive, but use some of the money you got from Dear Old Dad.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 81-year-old grandmother who blindly trusted that my annual Pap smear exam would provide early detection for any type of uterine cancer.

It took a diagnosis of uterine cancer that resulted in a subsequent hysterectomy for me to discover that this test is not enough. Although the Pap test should be part of a regular checkup, it only checks for cervical cancer. Except when hormone therapy is being taken, any bleeding, spotting or abnormal discharge following menopause is not normal and should be reported at once to your doctor. -- GEORGIA GRANDMOTHER

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I'm pleased that your cancer was caught in time. However, whether a woman is pre- or post-menopausal -- and whether or not she is on hormone therapy -- she should immediately alert her doctor to any abnormal bleeding, spotting or discharge. These symptoms are not just warning signs of cancer. They could also indicate a polyp that needs removal, or a sexually transmitted disease.

DEAR ABBY: I'm really bad when it comes to speaking. It's hard for me to squeak out the few words I can. I am shy and not very sociable, so when I'm with people, even my two friends, I feel like I come across as rude. I never have the right things to say. When I'm with my family, I don't usually have this problem.

In public, it seems like everyone else is so much more interesting than I am. Making conversation is a lot of trouble. I know this sounds silly, but do you know if there is anything that can be done about it? I heard you had a booklet about being more social. Is it still published? If so, how can I get one? -- VICTORIA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR VICTORIA: Making conversation may seem like "a lot of trouble" to you because making conversation is a skill that you haven't yet mastered. A surefire way to contribute in social situations is to become informed about what is going on in the world by reading books, magazines, the Dear Abby column (of course) and going on the Internet. The more informed you are about the world, the better you will be.

You don't have to be an "authority" on everything. A good conversationalist is interested in what other people have to say instead of feeling pressured to fill the air with the sound of his or her own voice. My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with suggestions about how to polish one's social skills. It isn't meant to be read just once and then put aside. Read it often because it covers a variety of social situations. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. There are tips not only for what to say, but also what not to say, which is one of the keys for becoming the kind of person other people find interesting, attractive and want to know better. If parents, teachers and clergy know people who need help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of their lives.

Most people can concentrate on only one thing at a time. One of the best cures for shyness is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person by asking about what he or she is interested in. Try it, and you'll find it works.

DEAR ABBY: I have this little boy I tutor. He is 7 and says he loves me. I'm 18. I try to tell him I'm way too old and he isn't my type, but all he says is, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Help! I need to know what to do. -- ALEX IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ALEX: Start by telling him that the word "ain't" isn't appropriate -- that what he should be saying is, "Age isn't anything but a number." Then tell him that while you are complimented, he is there to study -- so you'll revisit the subject when he is 18.