DEAR ABBY: Last night at a restaurant, my husband and I were surprised to see a male server wearing a blond wig and full makeup. I was, to say the least, shocked and very glad we hadn't brought the children, ages 11 and 14, with us. How do you explain something like that to an 11-year-old? The 14-year-old would be able to "get it."

What kind of policies are in place for restaurants in cases like this? What if customers are offended? Could I request a different server or just leave? Your comments would be appreciated. -- TAKEN ABACK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: In California, people have the legal right to dress in a style not typical of their gender without fear of discrimination or retaliation. That right is protected by state law. If customers find it offensive, they can either request a different server or take their business elsewhere. Presumably, the customer would pay for food that had already been prepared.

Because children today grow up quickly and are less sheltered than in past decades, I recommend you explain to your 11-year-old that not all people are alike, and the importance of treating others with respect. It's called reality.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Shane," and I have been together more than a year. My problem lies in child support issues.

I'm a college student and full-time employee at a major company. I make a pretty good living considering my age. Shane is an electrician, and half of every paycheck he earns is going to his child's mother. I understand the money is being given to support the child, but every time we see him, the kid says his mommy is broke.

Because my boyfriend's check is half gone by the time he brings it home, I must pick up the slack regarding the bills. Shane helps out any way he can, but it's never enough, so I have to step in.

I love him, he treats me like a queen and I have yet to have a major problem with him. But it's the money situation. I feel a little guilty for feeling this way. What do I do in this situation? Please help. -- FEELING GUILTY IN COLORADO

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Stop feeling guilty. Your feelings are natural considering that Shane isn't carrying his half of the load he shares with you financially. Talk to him about the way the inequity is making you feel because if you don't, your resentment will only grow. He may need to find a second job so you have to "step in" less often. The alternative is to accept that the present will also be your future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve -- people who make a big production out of yawning. It's not enough to just yawn quietly. Noooo, they have to open wide, not cover their mouth and moan loudly. It annoys the heck out of me and I'm not sure it's appropriate to say anything.

People who do this seem to have several yawns in succession and want to make sure everyone notices. Any suggestions other than to grin and bear it? -- SEEKING QUIET IN GEORGIA

DEAR SEEKING QUIET: Yes. If it's happening socially say, "I can see you're getting tired, so maybe it's time to end this visit." If it's happening at work, suggest the person take a break and go outside for some fresh air.

DEAR ABBY: "Disappearing Stepmother's" June 9 letter brought back memories of my stepdaughter "Amy's" wedding. Her mother also tried her best to prevent us from being involved. However, Amy included all four of her parents in the wedding. Dad and Stepdad walked her down the aisle together, and her mom and I lit the bride's candle together (though I'm sure she gritted her teeth when she did it).

The bride needs to develop a backbone and stand up to her mother. The dad (who's paying for half the wedding) should at least put his foot down about the guest list, and invite whomever he and his wife would like to be there. Wedding photos can be of the two families separately, including the stepmom. Otherwise, resentment will linger and poison the relationship between stepmom and stepdaughter. -- ANOTHER STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: I encouraged "Disappearing" to attend the wedding to support her stepdaughter and inject a dose of reality into the "fantasy," and readers were quick to share their views:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am stepmom to two beautiful young women whose mother harbors animosity toward me and my husband. When the girls were kids she filled their heads with lies about us. Their father and I remained noncritical, loving and constant.

There were some rocky years, but my stepdaughters and I have made it through. When the younger one was married two years ago, she did a beautiful job including me. Her mother spent the wedding day spewing vile lies about us to anyone who'd listen, and is still bitter these 26 years later.

The girls see their mother as she is and do not let her affect their relationship with us. For this I credit my husband, who never tolerated her ill treatment of me. Stepmoms are not looking to be in the spotlight or take anyone's place. But we are an important part of the modern family and should be treated with the honor and respect we deserve. -- MADE IT THROUGH

DEAR ABBY: I work in the wedding industry, and all too frequently I see the engaged couple manipulated by a parent in order to hurt the former spouse and alienate the stepparent. It is the bane of my professional existence. They cause so much stress for the couple that I've had brides break down and cry in my office and choose to elope rather than deal with the drama.

Parents must realize that their children are loved by many people, and the best gift they can give them on their wedding day is to set aside differences and old grudges in order to support the couple as they begin their marriage. -- FRUSTRATED WEDDING PLANNER

DEAR ABBY: My husband's former wife has been a huge challenge for me, even showing up at our small wedding ceremony and slapping me in the face. The children were all there and I kept the evening going by hugging them and saying I was sorry their mom was so upset. Now, as I watch these grown kids and their kids making their way through life, I am proud to have been part of showing them what a solid, loving family can be without alienation and selfishness. -- BARBARA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Disappearing," having myself been ignored at "blended" family events, including weddings. I am also conveniently excluded from family photos.

I deal with all of this by staying in the background during events. The gathering is not about me. My stepkids are simply trying to keep the drama caused by their mother to a minimum. They would never hear the end of it from her, and she has been known to go off in public. I know they appreciate my quiet approach because, when not in their mother's presence, they treat me with kindness, love and humor. -- MARCIA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: First wives hold the upper hand in many instances. It's something you never really get used to -- you just live with it.

When your husband's daughter matures and is a mom herself, things may change. They did for me. Take the high road and always do the right thing. That first wife is clearly traveling on a lower path. -- SURVIVOR IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: My mom's boyfriend wants to spend time with my 16-year-old sister and take her places all the time. He wants to cuddle with both of us whenever we sit on the couch and gets really upset when we don't want to. He's my biological father, but I have known him only for a year because he left my mom when she was pregnant with me.

Now he wants to play "dad" when I already have had a dad all my life. (Mom was married for 11 years to another man.) I'm 14.

He yells and swears all the time and takes things away from us if we don't do what he wants. He isn't physically abusive yet, but the cuddling freaks me out and I don't think it's right. I told my school counselor. She said to get over it, that it wasn't a big deal.

Abby, what can I do? I think he is grooming my sister for sex since he told us he likes young girls and was used to them before Mom. Mom has problems with depression and reality and won't listen to us. Help us, please. Where can I go? -- HELPLESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HELPLESS: Because your father's overtures make you uncomfortable, and he "punishes" you if you don't accept them -- it is a "big deal." Before this goes any further, you should call Childhelp and describe what's happening. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453. The person who answers the phone can refer you to help in your state. Please don't wait. Your safety and that of your sister could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: I am romantically attracted to a girl, "Jade." We have known each other ever since we were in diapers. She's bubbly, vivacious and beautiful. We flirted with puppy love about 10 years ago, but it never went beyond writing love letters and ended quickly. It was so disappointingly brief that I have never regarded it as a true relationship. I consider her my first love.

Jade goes through boyfriends like a chain-smoker goes through cigarettes. It seems as if every time I ask her, "So, how is your current boyfriend?" that she has a new one. Her mother is the same way, truth be told, and never found a good father figure for Jade. The men her mother dated were abusive. Consequently, Jade isn't the best judge of men, either.

My parents have suggested that she may view me as a friend because I'm the only decent guy in her life, and she's afraid we wouldn't be friends if our romantic relationship ended. I want to tell her that I'd like to date her the next time her current relationship ends. At the same time, I want her to know I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all. Thanks to the wonder of social media, I will know when her next relationship ends. Should I wait till then? If not, how long? -- FIRST LOVE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FIRST LOVE: You seem to have a lot of insight about Jade. Because she was raised by a mother who was involved in one abusive relationship after another, she may feel that unless there is pain and drama, that what she's experiencing is boring and not really "love." Until she realizes that the criteria she's using in choosing men are flawed, and is willing to get help to straighten out her thinking, her pattern will continue to repeat itself.

As you hover over your keyboard waiting for news of her next romantic failure, I suggest that rather than "pounce," you keep her as a friend until she's ready for a mature relationship. If you don't, you will only suffer more disappointment.