DEAR ABBY: My sister sent me an email asking what I was getting our mom for her birthday because she had very few ideas. I told her I was planning to get Mom a gift card so she could buy a book for her e-reader.

Two days later, my sister emailed me back telling me she liked my idea so much she used it and mailed Mom the same gift card herself. She said it's "no big deal" if we got Mom the same thing.

It's a big deal to me. I think it was rude and inconsiderate. She says I'm being "ridiculous" because "it's only a gift card" and it doesn't matter if Mom got two of them. To me, if you ask what I'm getting someone as a gift, it's rude to run out and buy that item yourself. Who do you agree with? -- LEARNED A LESSON IN LEWISBURG, PA.

DEAR LEARNED A LESSON: I agree with you. But rather than hold a grudge, take the lesson to heart. The next time your sister asks you for gift suggestions for a relative, tell her, "Gee, I haven't decided yet."

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old boy who lives in San Francisco. I read your column in the San Francisco Chronicle every day. I love your thinking and wish I could be as sensible as you. I just wanted to ask: How old do you think someone should be to read your column? I know your column can be possibly inappropriate, but love reading it anyway. -- T.P. IN S.F.

DEAR T.P.: You are not the only young person who reads my column. (I printed a letter from a 7-year-old earlier this week.) I have been told that my column has been used for many years to start important conversations between people of all ages.

When I was growing up, no literature in our house was off limits -- and any question I asked my parents was given a straight answer. I hope it's the same in your family because if it is, you will grow up to be at least as "sensible" as me.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has given me permission to resume communication with my grandson, "Justin." She has kept us apart since he was 3. Justin is now 17.

I have been told by the other grandparents that Justin holds no animosity toward me. He knows I have never given up hope that one day we could reunite. Because of my daughter's unpredictable temperament and her use of my grandson as a way to control me, I'm leery and don't trust her to keep the door open between us. I'm afraid she'll slam it shut again.

What steps should I take? Justin turns 18 next year and his mom plans to "move without him, once he's 18." Should I contact him now or wait until he reaches 18? I am tired and all cried out, but I want to do the right thing for my grandson's mental health, given the craziness his mother has created. -- LOVING, LONGING GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Write your grandson a sweet note and inform him that his mother has given "permission" for you to make contact with him. Ask him to call you, so he can begin getting to know you. Find out what his plans are, and invite him to visit. However, do this slowly -- because you still don't know how much damage your daughter's "unpredictable temperament" has done in the formation of his personality and character. Proceed with your eyes wide open.

Because it appears your daughter wants to abandon her son as soon as she legally is able to, he will need all of the caring and supportive relatives he can find.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing for advice on friendship. There is a person who insists we are "best friends." She calls every day to gossip and get into people's business, including mine. We are grown women and I find this childish.

I am a loner. I don't like too many people in my space, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I just want her to get a life. I'm married; she's single. We have nothing in common, in my opinion, and she tries to keep up with my every move. If I don't answer the phone at home, she calls me at work.

Help me tell this person, without being hurtful and rude, that I like her but I want to have a normal adult relationship with her. I have other close friends, but I don't have to call or talk to them every day to maintain our friendship. -- INFRINGED UPON IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR INFRINGED UPON: The woman may be trying to live vicariously through you, which is why she's calling daily and pumping you for information. Tell her that phone calls at work are distracting, so please don't call you there.

She should also be told that while you like her, the closeness she craves has become claustrophobic and is making you uncomfortable, so to please limit her calls to one or two a week. If you do not set boundaries, you can't expect her to observe them.

DEAR ABBY: I know a fairly well-to-do couple who, after living together for a while, have decided to get married. I went to their online wedding registry to select something for them and was stunned to see that several of the items they had on there were pricey items for their cats. Is this the status quo these days, or is it just plain bad taste?

I chose to put money toward another item, but now I'm wondering if it will go where it was directed -- and not to the cats. It was also suggested that I provide an email address so that an e-card of thanks might be sent.

Abby, you keep telling your readers that times have changed. I reluctantly guess we need to resign ourselves to the emails, but what is your take on the gift suggestions? -- OFFENDED WEDDING GUEST IN NEW YORK

DEAR OFFENDED: The couple you mentioned may have most (or all) of the household items they need. While the request for something for their pets instead of themselves is somewhat unusual, no rule of etiquette forbids it. The object is to give something they can use, and I'm having trouble understanding why you find their request offensive.

I do, however, take exception to the idea of a generic, mass mailing being used to acknowledge wedding gifts rather than an individual thank you. If that's what they're planning, it seems more of an impersonal "shrug" than an actual expression of gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: A woman at work wears flip-flops every day. The sound of her walking is extremely annoying, to the point where I get a headache every day. The boss says her footwear is fine. Any advice? Thanks. -- FOOTSTEPS IN OHIO

DEAR FOOTSTEPS: If the boss says her footwear is fine, then you're out of luck. Wear earplugs, use aspirin as directed and pray for an early winter.

DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to answer a question with a question? -- CURIOUS IN K.C.

DEAR CURIOUS: Why do you ask?

DEAR ABBY: I started dating my boyfriend a month ago. On our third date he informed me that he was previously married. It lasted two years and he has been divorced for almost a year. It didn't bother me, so I let it go.

He introduced me to his two roommates -- one of them is female. After spending a day with them, I noticed he had an odd relationship with her. When I asked him about it later, he said she's his ex-wife. They live together and share basically everything, including groceries and a laptop. He can't seem to understand why I'm disturbed by this.

He says the decision to divorce was mutual and that they have both been seeing other people for a while. I adore him and hate to end a fantastic relationship because I'm jealous. I have no life experience to prepare me to handle this sort of situation, so I don't know what to do. Help! -- TAKEN ABACK IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Sometimes when a person doesn't know what to do, the best thing to do is -- nothing. Your relationship is very new. Stay calm and see how it develops. If you both decide to take it to the next level, the living arrangements may change to something you're more comfortable with.

DEAR ABBY: My 70-something-year-old mother is being remarried soon. I'm happy she has found love again after my father's passing. Several of her friends are throwing her a lingerie shower to celebrate. Abby, I am uncomfortable attending this party.

I asked that she exclude me from the list, but yesterday I received an invitation. Hooray! She has a new life which involves new love. I just don't want to think of my mother in that role. Am I wrong to not want to attend? -- THEY GROW UP SO FAST

DEAR T.G.U.S.F.: You're not wrong. While most of us are aware that we did not arrive via immaculate conception, few of us want to dwell on the reality of our parents as sexual beings. Because you have already told your mother how you feel, simply respond to the invitation by saying you are unable to attend.

DEAR ABBY: I often read letters in your column you refer to as "Pennies From Heaven." I have something I'd like to share with you.

I believe that I have received such gifts from my older brother, Shane, who passed away as an infant. I found one the other day that can't be explained away as anything but a penny from heaven.

As I was about to leave for my morning commute to work, I went out to the garage where I keep my bike, helmet and biking gloves. As I pulled my glove on, I found -- you guessed it! -- a penny was lodged in the little finger. I never keep money where these gloves are, so I can only guess that Shane put it there for me. -- LOVED LITTLE SISTER IN INDIANA

DEAR LOVED LITTLE SISTER: The penny may indeed have been a token of your angel brother's affection. Keep it for luck while you're on the road, and pedal on with confidence knowing you're being lovingly watched over from above.