DEAR ABBY: My friend was at a local event, a child's graduation. There was a woman whose rear end was exposed sitting in the row ahead. Several people took pictures and posted them on Facebook.

My concern is for the woman's family. My friend couldn't think of an easy way to tell her. My question is, how do you tactfully tell someone about her (or his) exposed buttocks without offending the person? -- JUST ASKING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR JUST ASKING: The person who designed low-rise pants for women, frankly, should be taken to the stocks for public punishment. They flatter no one, particularly when the wearer bends or sits. If it's not the flesh dropping over the waistband, it's the Great Rift Valley visible from the rear.

Robert Burns, a Scottish poet, wrote in 1786 (I am paraphrasing) that if some power would give us the gift to see ourselves as others see us, it would free us from "many a blunder"! How right he was.

Had your friend informed the woman in the row ahead that her pants had slipped so low that people were photographing the view, she probably would have been less offended than embarrassed. The message should have been conveyed quietly by another woman if one felt enough compassion to do it.

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 22 years. My husband was verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive to me. I took it for my kids' sake.

My daughter recently had a son, and my ex wants nothing to do with him. He says if we don't name the baby after him, the baby doesn't need him in his life. My heart hurts for my grandson. My daughter is not with the baby's daddy. All the baby has is my daughter, my son and me. I don't know how a grandparent can't want to be a part of an innocent baby's life.

My ex is 45 and living with a 23-year-old. I just want him to at least give the baby a chance to know who his grandfather is. If there is no love there when they meet, we won't pursue a relationship. He is upset with me. I don't know why, because he's the one who asked for the divorce. What do you think about this? -- CONFUSED IN PHOENIX

DEAR CONFUSED: Your ex-husband may be upset with you because he feels some guilt about the divorce, and rather than accept it, he is blaming you for it.

If you think this baby might somehow smooth over the years of abuse you experienced from him, please forget it. It is perfectly logical that your daughter wouldn't want to name her child for him after witnessing what he put you through for so many years -- so please don't let her be coerced into it.

Because your ex is the kind of person he is, it would be better for all of you if the little boy doesn't get to know him. You married a self-centered, selfish, controlling individual. Consider yourself lucky that he's not pushing for involvement, because if that happens he will continue to treat all of you exactly the way he used to.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to "Where the Boys Aren't" (May 26). We're right here every day, lady, working in the same building, going to the same functions, eating at the same diners and attending the same churches. But we don't measure up to the standards you have set.

You can find us after work at sports bars with friends having a beer, early morning weekends on the lake or stream fishing, kicking back watching a game on TV or working on a hot rod or motorcycle like the one we had -- or wanted -- in high school. We are not on a cruise, at the mall, upscale bar or wine tasting. In short, we're not doing what you like to do. Think about the guy you were married to who had to be dragged or nagged to the outings you enjoy.

You want to find a guy in your age range? That's easy. Step back, be honest and really look at yourself. How do you act, dress, talk? Would you date you? Do you measure up to the standards you have set for the right guy? If there's something you would change, then change it. Take the time to see who he is, what he enjoys and remember, he's not going to change, and if he did, he wouldn't be what you wanted anyway. -- CONTENT, SECURE, SINGLE 58-YEAR-OLD MAN

DEAR SINGLE MAN: Thank you for taking the time to write. Apparently, these ladies need to find new hunting grounds. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle at "Where the Boys Aren't." Most guys would pay handsomely for the addresses of the clubs where women go to meet men. What is "Where" doing that prevents her from meeting all the men she wants? My guess is she doesn't walk up and introduce herself. She doesn't grasp that dating rules get reversed at some point. She's hoping to be swept off her feet like a schoolgirl.

My advice to older women is to stop hanging out in escape literature and move over to the magazine rack. After a certain age, even sex won't sell itself like it used to. Drive your own car and, if you plan to stay after the introductions, buy your own drinks. Arrive in pairs only with an agreement to split up if opportunity knocks. And remember, going to expensive bars will only net you a higher class of bum.

"Where" has repeatedly failed Dating 101. There's hardly a middle-aged guy in America who would turn down a woman who offered him a pizza, a cold beer and a quiet Friday night at home. I'd even help with the dishes. But everything about her spells hidden agenda! -- NAMELESS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: We're all at the gym burning off that 40-year-old fat. -- LAWRENCE IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I can speak only for myself. Yes, I am at home watching bad cable TV -- not because I want to, but because some of us choose to be here for our elderly parents. We're not out and about except to take our mothers on errands, our dads for haircuts and both for medical appointments, on top of managing their finances and looking after their home.

Guess what? Society looks down on us because we have put their needs ahead of ours. We might not be at the typical social events, but we're out there. The next time you see a middle-aged man with a little old lady in the grocery store, bump into his cart and you might find a nice, lonely guy like me. -- TONY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: My son is a career soldier, Army Rangers Airborne, and yes, I am proud of him. During his 15 years of active duty he has been involved in every "action" around the world. The greatest gift I have been given started with an idea conceived by two high school students in Massachusetts. The program is called Cell Phones for Soldiers, and these are the basics:

Old cellphones are donated and then sold to a recycler, and with that money phone cards are purchased and donated to soldiers all over the world. Eighty percent of calls home by active-duty soldiers are made using these cards.

I have never heard of such a win-win program, and the biggest winner is the family member who answers the phone and hears, "Hi, Mom. I love you. I'm OK." -- DR. LISA MORGAN, A VERY THANKFUL MOM

DEAR DR. MORGAN: Until I read your letter, I hadn't heard of the program, either. It seems very worthwhile, and something anyone who wants to support members of our military might be interested in.

Founded in 2004, Cell Phones for Soldiers is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization whose mission is to provide free communication tools for military serving overseas. There are more than 15,000 collection sites across the United States. Nearly 12,000 calling cards are mailed each week, and since 2004, more than 150 million minutes of talk time have been provided. Anyone interested in learning more should visit cellphonesforsoldiers.com.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 21, almost 22, and I have just found out that it isn't the flu. I'm pregnant. The problem is, I don't know who the father is. I have an "idea" of who he might be -- but it could be three other guys. I'm not in a relationship with any of them. No. 1 and No. 2, I wouldn't want my child exposed to because of some of the things they do.

I have heard that if a mother is on state support and the parents aren't together, the father will have to pay child support. Is that true? I don't know what to do. -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: You are going to need prenatal care to ensure you have a healthy baby. Your local Planned Parenthood health center may be able to provide prenatal care or refer you to other low-cost options.

Your next stop should be your county department of social services so that when your child arrives, you'll be able to feed it. I'm sure they will want the father to contribute financially. Determining which candidate is -- or is not -- the father is as simple as getting a paternity test.

P.S. And this is important, too: In the future, Planned Parenthood can provide you with reliable, low-cost contraceptive services, so the next time you become pregnant it will be by choice and with a committed partner.

DEAR ABBY: I am 7 years old and me and my parents can never agree on my bedtime. Do you think 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9, 9:30, 10, 11 or midnight? -- BAD BEDTIME IN BOSTON

DEAR BAD BEDTIME: It depends on what time you're expected to get up the next morning. According to the experts, children between the ages of 5 and 10 years old need between 10 and 11 hours of sleep each night. So count backward from the time your day is supposed to start and you'll know what time you're supposed to be in bed (8:30 p.m. seems about right to me).