DEAR ABBY: My son is a career soldier, Army Rangers Airborne, and yes, I am proud of him. During his 15 years of active duty he has been involved in every "action" around the world. The greatest gift I have been given started with an idea conceived by two high school students in Massachusetts. The program is called Cell Phones for Soldiers, and these are the basics:

Old cellphones are donated and then sold to a recycler, and with that money phone cards are purchased and donated to soldiers all over the world. Eighty percent of calls home by active-duty soldiers are made using these cards.

I have never heard of such a win-win program, and the biggest winner is the family member who answers the phone and hears, "Hi, Mom. I love you. I'm OK." -- DR. LISA MORGAN, A VERY THANKFUL MOM

DEAR DR. MORGAN: Until I read your letter, I hadn't heard of the program, either. It seems very worthwhile, and something anyone who wants to support members of our military might be interested in.

Founded in 2004, Cell Phones for Soldiers is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization whose mission is to provide free communication tools for military serving overseas. There are more than 15,000 collection sites across the United States. Nearly 12,000 calling cards are mailed each week, and since 2004, more than 150 million minutes of talk time have been provided. Anyone interested in learning more should visit cellphonesforsoldiers.com.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 21, almost 22, and I have just found out that it isn't the flu. I'm pregnant. The problem is, I don't know who the father is. I have an "idea" of who he might be -- but it could be three other guys. I'm not in a relationship with any of them. No. 1 and No. 2, I wouldn't want my child exposed to because of some of the things they do.

I have heard that if a mother is on state support and the parents aren't together, the father will have to pay child support. Is that true? I don't know what to do. -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: You are going to need prenatal care to ensure you have a healthy baby. Your local Planned Parenthood health center may be able to provide prenatal care or refer you to other low-cost options.

Your next stop should be your county department of social services so that when your child arrives, you'll be able to feed it. I'm sure they will want the father to contribute financially. Determining which candidate is -- or is not -- the father is as simple as getting a paternity test.

P.S. And this is important, too: In the future, Planned Parenthood can provide you with reliable, low-cost contraceptive services, so the next time you become pregnant it will be by choice and with a committed partner.

DEAR ABBY: I am 7 years old and me and my parents can never agree on my bedtime. Do you think 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9, 9:30, 10, 11 or midnight? -- BAD BEDTIME IN BOSTON

DEAR BAD BEDTIME: It depends on what time you're expected to get up the next morning. According to the experts, children between the ages of 5 and 10 years old need between 10 and 11 hours of sleep each night. So count backward from the time your day is supposed to start and you'll know what time you're supposed to be in bed (8:30 p.m. seems about right to me).

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for almost five years, and we have a 4-year-old daughter together. The problem is, his parents are hoarders. Their house is a disaster. It's falling apart from the inside out. They have piles of junk in the house and yard, and six dogs that live in the house with them.

My daughter has just been diagnosed with a severe allergy to mold. I don't like her to go to their house, but they adore her and want to spend time with her. I don't know what to do!

I have tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but he's in complete denial about his parents' situation and says I'm "overreacting." I don't want to hurt their feelings, and I don't want to keep my daughter from her grandparents. Help, please! -- AT A LOSS IN TEXAS

DEAR AT A LOSS: The loving grandparents can spend time with the child at your home rather than theirs.

Schedule an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician or allergy specialist for you and your boyfriend. Because your daughter has severe allergies, he needs to understand what that means and how serious her allergic reactions could become. If your daughter is allergic to mold, she also may be severely allergic to other things -- like animal dander and dust.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married in our hometown. Although she was born and raised here, she's now living in another state, so it was a destination wedding for many of the invitees. It wasn't a large affair -- only 60 people attended.

I received an email today from an old friend who was surprised to hear about the wedding and wanted to know why she wasn't invited. I'm at a loss as to how to respond. I have known her a long time and now I feel guilty for not having invited her, but we had decided early on that only family and a few close friends would be invited.

Is there a polite way to respond to her? I feel it was rude of her to even ask. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: For the woman to ask why she wasn't on the guest list was, indeed, rude. A polite response would be to tell her the wedding was very small -- family and only a few friends were invited -- but you'll be sure to let her know when the grandchildren start arriving.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my sister developed a freckle-sized spot on her arm that was diagnosed as skin cancer. She was treated, and nothing more came of it.

Recently, she has been telling people she's a "cancer survivor" and participating in survivor walks. I applaud her willingness to help and be involved, but it seems she's comparing herself to people who have undergone breast cancer, chemo, major life-altering conditions, loss of family members and worse.

Are my family and I being overly critical? Or is there some way we can make her realize that what she has gone through is not nearly as devastating as the experiences of those who have truly survived this ordeal? -- BROTHER DAVE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROTHER DAVE: Yes, you are being overly critical. That cancerous "freckle" might have been melanoma, which is a very serious cancer. Your sister is lucky it wasn't life-threatening. If she wants to participate in cancer fundraisers, she has earned the right to be there.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr -- it's time to break the Ramadan fast. May God make yours a blessed feast.

DEAR ABBY: One night I woke up to my cat scratching at my bedroom door to be let in. When I got up and opened the door, I heard my parents making love. They were so loud it grossed me out, because my little sister is 10 and we share a room right next to theirs. She still doesn't know about this kind of stuff.

I want to tell them they don't need to be doing that, because what if she got scared and woke up and tried to go in there? What should I do -- tell them to go to a motel? -- GROSSED OUT IN MADISON, MISS.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Do not tell your parents to go to a motel. If the cat hadn't wakened you and you hadn't opened your bedroom door, you wouldn't have heard a thing. Be glad that you have parents who love each other and that you didn't overhear them fighting.

If your sister ever wakes up and gets scared, she should know she can wake you up.

P.S. At age 10, your sister shouldn't be completely in the dark about the facts of life. And the person who should be talking to her about them is her mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have an aunt (by marriage) who I think may be suffering from mental issues. All of a sudden, she is calling members of our family and telling them that "so-and-so" (it varies) is talking about them behind their backs. Of course, none of it is true, but it has caused a huge rift in our family. Family members have had big arguments over these calls.

The aunt is in her mid-50s and has always been quiet and sweet to everyone, so of course when someone gets a call, the person tends to believe her. This is tearing our family to pieces, and no one knows for sure if she's having problems or if she is telling the truth.

Help! My cousins are no longer speaking to one another or me. I'm not close to her, but I have fallen prey to her phone calls to others. What should I do? -- SLANDERED IN INDIANA

DEAR SLANDERED: A sudden change in personality can indeed be a sign of mental illness or a physical problem. Those family members who are still speaking to one another should approach the uncle to whom the woman is married and express the family's concerns. She may need a physical and neurological evaluation. (And the cousins need to mend fences.) How sad.

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever dealt with work addiction in your column? Many mental health care professionals do not take workaholism seriously -- probably because many of them suffer from the problem themselves.

I recently researched the topic because the behavior of a close friend was making our relationship suffer. Workaholics Anonymous exists, and some books have been written on the subject. Perhaps you could spread the word. -- CARING FRIEND IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CARING FRIEND: I'm pleased to do that. Workaholics Anonymous is an international organization that was founded in 1983. It's a 12-step program based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous for individuals who feel their work lives have gotten out of control. It offers mutual support in solving problems related to compulsive overworking, and it also helps families and friends who are affected.

To find out about weekly meetings and group development guidelines, contact Workaholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 289, Menlo Park, CA 94026; call 510-273-9253; or go to www.workaholics-anonymous.org.