DEAR ABBY: I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for almost five years, and we have a 4-year-old daughter together. The problem is, his parents are hoarders. Their house is a disaster. It's falling apart from the inside out. They have piles of junk in the house and yard, and six dogs that live in the house with them.

My daughter has just been diagnosed with a severe allergy to mold. I don't like her to go to their house, but they adore her and want to spend time with her. I don't know what to do!

I have tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but he's in complete denial about his parents' situation and says I'm "overreacting." I don't want to hurt their feelings, and I don't want to keep my daughter from her grandparents. Help, please! -- AT A LOSS IN TEXAS

DEAR AT A LOSS: The loving grandparents can spend time with the child at your home rather than theirs.

Schedule an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician or allergy specialist for you and your boyfriend. Because your daughter has severe allergies, he needs to understand what that means and how serious her allergic reactions could become. If your daughter is allergic to mold, she also may be severely allergic to other things -- like animal dander and dust.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was recently married in our hometown. Although she was born and raised here, she's now living in another state, so it was a destination wedding for many of the invitees. It wasn't a large affair -- only 60 people attended.

I received an email today from an old friend who was surprised to hear about the wedding and wanted to know why she wasn't invited. I'm at a loss as to how to respond. I have known her a long time and now I feel guilty for not having invited her, but we had decided early on that only family and a few close friends would be invited.

Is there a polite way to respond to her? I feel it was rude of her to even ask. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: For the woman to ask why she wasn't on the guest list was, indeed, rude. A polite response would be to tell her the wedding was very small -- family and only a few friends were invited -- but you'll be sure to let her know when the grandchildren start arriving.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my sister developed a freckle-sized spot on her arm that was diagnosed as skin cancer. She was treated, and nothing more came of it.

Recently, she has been telling people she's a "cancer survivor" and participating in survivor walks. I applaud her willingness to help and be involved, but it seems she's comparing herself to people who have undergone breast cancer, chemo, major life-altering conditions, loss of family members and worse.

Are my family and I being overly critical? Or is there some way we can make her realize that what she has gone through is not nearly as devastating as the experiences of those who have truly survived this ordeal? -- BROTHER DAVE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BROTHER DAVE: Yes, you are being overly critical. That cancerous "freckle" might have been melanoma, which is a very serious cancer. Your sister is lucky it wasn't life-threatening. If she wants to participate in cancer fundraisers, she has earned the right to be there.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr -- it's time to break the Ramadan fast. May God make yours a blessed feast.

DEAR ABBY: One night I woke up to my cat scratching at my bedroom door to be let in. When I got up and opened the door, I heard my parents making love. They were so loud it grossed me out, because my little sister is 10 and we share a room right next to theirs. She still doesn't know about this kind of stuff.

I want to tell them they don't need to be doing that, because what if she got scared and woke up and tried to go in there? What should I do -- tell them to go to a motel? -- GROSSED OUT IN MADISON, MISS.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Do not tell your parents to go to a motel. If the cat hadn't wakened you and you hadn't opened your bedroom door, you wouldn't have heard a thing. Be glad that you have parents who love each other and that you didn't overhear them fighting.

If your sister ever wakes up and gets scared, she should know she can wake you up.

P.S. At age 10, your sister shouldn't be completely in the dark about the facts of life. And the person who should be talking to her about them is her mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have an aunt (by marriage) who I think may be suffering from mental issues. All of a sudden, she is calling members of our family and telling them that "so-and-so" (it varies) is talking about them behind their backs. Of course, none of it is true, but it has caused a huge rift in our family. Family members have had big arguments over these calls.

The aunt is in her mid-50s and has always been quiet and sweet to everyone, so of course when someone gets a call, the person tends to believe her. This is tearing our family to pieces, and no one knows for sure if she's having problems or if she is telling the truth.

Help! My cousins are no longer speaking to one another or me. I'm not close to her, but I have fallen prey to her phone calls to others. What should I do? -- SLANDERED IN INDIANA

DEAR SLANDERED: A sudden change in personality can indeed be a sign of mental illness or a physical problem. Those family members who are still speaking to one another should approach the uncle to whom the woman is married and express the family's concerns. She may need a physical and neurological evaluation. (And the cousins need to mend fences.) How sad.

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever dealt with work addiction in your column? Many mental health care professionals do not take workaholism seriously -- probably because many of them suffer from the problem themselves.

I recently researched the topic because the behavior of a close friend was making our relationship suffer. Workaholics Anonymous exists, and some books have been written on the subject. Perhaps you could spread the word. -- CARING FRIEND IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CARING FRIEND: I'm pleased to do that. Workaholics Anonymous is an international organization that was founded in 1983. It's a 12-step program based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous for individuals who feel their work lives have gotten out of control. It offers mutual support in solving problems related to compulsive overworking, and it also helps families and friends who are affected.

To find out about weekly meetings and group development guidelines, contact Workaholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 289, Menlo Park, CA 94026; call 510-273-9253; or go to www.workaholics-anonymous.org.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a male who has graduated from high school and is about to start college in another state. I'm ready for a new challenge. The only thing holding me back is a romantic attraction I have toward one of my high school teachers.

He and I are best friends, but I love him more than as a friend. I have bought him many meals and gifts since he taught me, and I have found every opportunity available to be with him. I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings, although I wonder whether I unconsciously make myself obvious. Regardless, we have a great relationship. It kills me inside to know I can never be with him.

I have never told anyone how I feel, and I know if I ever told him, it would destroy everything we have. I can't forget about him. He's on my mind constantly. Having to leave him soon is killing me. Do you have any advice for me? -- DREADING IT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DREADING IT: Yes. Go away to college and open yourself to new experiences and relationships. Correspond with this special person, and when you return for school breaks, continue the friendship. Your feelings may or may not be reciprocated, but it is important that you let some time -- years -- elapse before trying to pursue anything closer with him. If you don't wait, it could be damaging to his career.

DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday, two days before my 75th birthday, I did something very uncharacteristic of me. I went to a tattoo parlor 25 miles away and had a flower put on my right buttock. I don't intend to tell anyone. It was my birthday present to myself.

This was not a spur-of-the-moment impulse. I have told my husband many times that if I made it to 75, I might celebrate it with a tattoo. He just laughed it off. No one in our family has one, and in the past, I have been critical of them. But this one does not show.

Now I have to find a way to tell my husband. He has an explosive temper that goes on and on, and he never drops an issue -- ever. I need advice, and soon. Help me, will you? -- SITTING ON A SECRET

DEAR SITTING ON A SECRET: How do you know you are the first in your family to get a tattoo? If someone else also got one in a place that doesn't show, would they have told you after you told everyone you didn't like tattoos?

You can't hide this from your husband forever, so don't try. If he reacts badly, remind him that the buttock with the flower belongs to you and that at 75, you're a big girl who didn't need anyone else's consent.

Now it's time to give yourself another birthday present: Refuse to listen to your husban's verbal abuse, and you'll be much happier.

DEAR ABBY: What are you supposed to do when you are sitting in a salon having your hair cut and styled, and the next appointment shows up early and engages your stylist in nonstop conversation?

My wife says this happens often in beauty parlors and I should suck it up. I wanted the stylist's full attention so I could get a good haircut. She's not cheap. Am I right? What would you do? -- PERPLEXED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: For the stylist to carry on an ongoing conversation with the next customer was unprofessional. If it happened to me, I would take my stylist aside and explain my feelings.

For the next customer to monopolize the stylist's attention was rude. The person should have been asked to sit somewhere and make him- or herself comfortable until you were finished.