DEAR ABBY: "Jane," the daughter of a life-long friend, attended my son's wedding with her husband. My son and Jane have known each other since childhood, and always flirted and acted as if they had a crush on each other.

To make a long story short, after seeing each other during the weekend, my son left his wife of only one month and started a long-distance relationship with Jane. Jane continues to live with her husband.

My son and Jane have been open about their relationship with everyone in our families except her father and her husband. Needless to say, those of us who know about this deceptive relationship are sick at heart and skeptical about who Jane's true love is -- her husband or my son.

Jane's sister is being married soon. If Jane is still keeping my son in a closet, I don't want to see her at the upcoming wedding. There's a chance Jane's husband may not be going because there's evidence he might have an idea that his marriage is not healthy.

Should we attend the wedding to support my life-long friend, or stay away to avoid the pain of seeing the woman who has kept my son on a roller-coaster ride for years? -- TO GO OR NOT TO GO?

DEAR T.G. OR NOT T.G.: Let me get this straight. Your son dumped his wife of only one month for a married woman, and you're worried about his pain? Stop involving yourself in this melodrama and let him work this out for himself. If Jane dumps her husband for him, he may have the girl of his childhood dreams. If she doesn't he will learn an important life lesson.

As to whether you should attend Jane's sister's wedding, take a Dramamine and go. It's going to be a thrill ride I wouldn't miss if I could get a ticket.

DEAR ABBY: I am a frequent international traveler with a problem. I always pack food for myself to take onboard. My trips are often 20 hours or longer and involve several planes. I find many people neglect to pack any food and they wind up asking -- or begging -- me to give them some of mine. It's very awkward for me.

On one flight, I overheard a woman tell her son, "Go ask that man for some cookies," and the kid did come over. How do I handle this? There are times I have to spend five or seven hours in an airport after midnight waiting for the next flight, and that food is my reserve. -- NOT STINGY IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT STINGY: I'm glad you have given me the chance to remind travelers that the food on airplanes isn't what it was years ago -- particularly for passengers flying coach. That's why it's important to plan ahead and bring something onboard -- fruit, candy, a sandwich -- particularly when traveling with children.

Of course it's hard to refuse someone in a situation like the one you described. I suppose you could have told the child, "Didn't your mother warn you not to take food from strangers?" But then you'd have to live with the image of a hungry child sitting two rows back.

Sometimes you do have to "just say no." Explain that you have a long layover and need the emergency provisions for yourself. It may not win you many friends, but then, you are not running for office.

DEAR ABBY: This is my first-ever Dear Abby letter. I am disgusted by the lack of manners shown by cellphone users. I run an antique store in a small tourist town. I cannot tell you how many "insulted and incensed" customers I have asked to please leave my shop because they insisted on talking on their cellphones.

I have also asked people in church to carry on their conversations outside. A man at my daughter's high school graduation got a call and proceeded to talk on and on until I finally asked him to leave. This has happened in restaurants, movies -- even a Broadway play.

It's inconceivable to me that cellphone users are unwilling or unable to understand that their VIP conversations are an intrusion and rude to those who are forced to listen. -- PEEVED IN NANTUCKET, MASS.

DEAR PEEVED: It is difficult to teach consideration for others to people who have none. However, allow me to clue you in to what some communities are doing to curb the intrusion of cellphones: They have posted signs in restaurants, theaters and shops that read, "Cellphone-Free Zone. The owner of this establishment thanks you for not using your cellphone on the premises. If you must make or receive a call, please do so outside." That way, customers are warned in a way that's not confrontational.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper when you're talking with someone and you notice the person has food stuck in his or her teeth? What if the person is part of a group and someone you don't know very well? -- TOOTHFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR TOOTHFUL: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you were in the other person's place, wouldn't you want to be told?

Even if you know the person only casually, try to ease him or her away from the group and say, "I know we don't know each other very well, but I thought you should know you have something in your teeth. It's happened to me, and I thought you'd like to know, too."

Consider it a charitable act. The person will: First, be embarrassed; second, be grateful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a supervisor in a consulting firm. I have recently been assigned an employee who does not dress appropriately for the workplace. The fashion choices she makes are unprofessional and too casual for our company. She wears no makeup, nor does she consistently care for her hair.

Abby, this young woman meets the public. Her job is to consult with clients and advise them about investing their money. Her appearance has been commented on by clients and colleagues alike and does not lend confidence in her skills and abilities. How do I counsel her without hurting her feelings? -- APPREHENSIVE IN CONSERVATIVE-VILLE

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: Your job as supervisor includes counseling your employees with regard to anything that affects job performance and the image of the company. If the company doesn't have a dress code, it's time to establish one.

Then schedule a private meeting with this employee and discuss what you expect from her. Offer her a few pictures of appropriate business attire and stylish, easily manageable hairstyles. Stress that her appearance is an important part of the image of the company and your clients' perception of her skills and talents.

By emphasizing that the dress code will be of value to her, you'll put yourself in the position of doing her a favor rather than being critical.

DEAR ABBY: I have been teaching for 30 years in the same school district. I can't tell you how many times 30- to 45-year-old men have come up to me and said, "You don't remember me, do you?" When they were in elementary school, they were not sporting facial hair and didn't have receding hairlines. Still, I feel bad not being able to make their day by spouting off their first and last names.

All of my students are special to me. However, although some of these men attended my school, not all of them were in my classroom. I'm flattered they recognize me, but what's the best way to respond in a situation like this?

Also, could you give your readers some suggestions about how to approach former educators so we won't have to rummage frantically through the file cabinets of our brains trying to decide which child from the past this grown-up might be? -- STRUGGLING TO RECALL IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STRUGGLING: When someone approaches you and says, "You don't remember me, do you?" an appropriate response would be, "Refresh my memory!" Said with a smile, it shouldn't be offensive.

This potentially embarrassing problem can easily be avoided if the former student simply says, "Mrs. Jones, it's so nice to see you. I'm 'John Smith' and you were my teacher in 1991."

DEAR ABBY: We have some neighbors who recently bought a large parrot they keep in a cage in their backyard. This bird squawks so loudly we can hear it inside our home with the windows closed, and we are no longer able to enjoy our own backyard or patio.

Their yard is fenced in, so I haven't met or even seen these neighbors. For the life of me, I cannot understand how someone could subject others to this kind of intrusion. It is so disrespectful. We can only assume the bird is kept outside so they don't have to listen to its loud screeching inside their own home.

The bird squawks loudly about every 10 to 15 seconds and it goes on for hours -- usually in the mornings and evenings. My nerves are rattled and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I hesitate to call the authorities because I am worried about the consequences. What would you suggest? -- FOR THE BIRDS IN FLORIDA

DEAR F.T.B.: Unfortunately, some people decide to buy parrots without first researching what's involved in their proper care and maintenance. Parrots are gregarious creatures and must be kept socialized with another parrot or with the humans who care for them. They also require mental stimulation to remain psychologically healthy.

Because their natural habitat is the rainforest, they have loud voices so they can communicate over long distances. Your neighbors obviously didn't take that into consideration when they bought the bird and decided to house it outside.

Inform them politely about the noise problem their bird is creating and ask that they house it inside. If they refuse, inform the Humane Society or the local Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals to ensure that the enclosure is being kept clean, and that the bird is being fed a healthy diet and has access to clean water. As a last resort, if necessary, inform local law enforcement that your neighbor's parrot is creating a sound nuisance.