DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, while on a business trip to Europe, I went to a bar, got drunk and went back to my hotel with one of the "hostesses." It was a one-night stand, but my wife found out.

I quit drinking with the help of AA and have never had another affair. However, I am a sociable, friendly person, and I like to share laughs and light-hearted conversation with members of both sexes.

Although my wife claims to have forgiven me, she constantly brings up my "fling" and makes it clear that she doesn't trust me to this day, despite my repeated apologies, my desire to make amends and my determination never to do it again. She has made my life a living hell. She has an extremely caustic tongue that she uses at every opportunity to embarrass and humiliate me.

I no longer love her, but her health isn't the best and she hasn't worked for several years. What can I do, Abby? I feel so alone and stuck. -- DESPERATE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR DESPERATE: Because you are both miserable, do what other couples with troubled marriages do -- get marriage counseling to see if you and your wife can reach an understanding you both can live with. If that doesn't work, however, and she continues to berate and humiliate you, consult a lawyer and go on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are going to Italy next year and taking our two sons, ages 8 and 12, with us. We have planned and saved for this trip for five years.

When my sister-in-law heard about it, she invited herself along, with her husband and two children who are my sons' ages. Although I love all of them, I don't want to spend my vacation of a lifetime with her. She often pawns her children off on others while she goes and does her own thing. She's a pro at it and has done it to me many times.

How do I approach this without anyone's feelings being hurt? There's no way I can go on this trip with her. I'd rather not go. Help! -- BOUND FOR ITALY

DEAR BOUND: You may be "bound," but were you also gagged when your sister-in-law invited herself and her family along? That's when you should have had the gumption to say no.

The longer you put off telling her, the harder it will be, so tell her NOW. If you don't have the courage to do it alone, you and your husband should do it together. You have every right to go on your dream trip the way you and your husband planned it. His sister can schedule her family's visit to Italy at another time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have clearly stated more than once that we didn't plan to have children. Recently, however, we realized that we had simply not been ready.

We have decided to try for a baby in the near future. If we are lucky enough to conceive, how will we respond to the inevitable barrage of questions about whether or not the baby was planned? -- TAKING IT BACK IN NEW YORK

DEAR TAKING IT BACK: Just say you changed your mind and the baby not only isn't an accident but is a welcome blessing.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a grandmother getting into a Jacuzzi with her 6-year-old granddaughter? This has caused a big rift in our family.

At a large recent family gathering, my daughter couldn't accommodate all of us sleeping at her home, so some of us rented rooms at a nearby motel.

My son-in-law's parents took my granddaughter "Charise" to their room to spend the night. The bathroom had a Jacuzzi tub in it, and Grandma and Charise bathed in it together. When they told my daughter about it the next day, she became upset because she thought it was inappropriate for an adult to be in the tub with her young daughter.

My daughter's mother-in-law said she was not ashamed of her body and she refused to apologize to my daughter for what happened. My son-in-law has sided with his mother. What do you think? -- SHOCKED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SHOCKED: I fail to see what the uproar was about, since the grandmother and grandchild are the same sex and we all come with the same standard equipment. It's not worth causing a rift in the family -- so tell your daughter to cool down and stop making waves.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my husband, "Howard." I moved two hours away from my family, left my job and sold my house and car to be married to him. Now I feel trapped.

We have been married three years. It wasn't like this in the beginning. I'm a housewife who takes care of his mother who lives with us (another story). I can't go anywhere. I'm at home all day, every day, except when his mother needs to go to the doctor. He refuses to get another car because he's "afraid" I'm going to meet someone else if I go out. I'm at my wits' end.

Howard doesn't like my friends -- the three that I do have. He has taken church away from me because he believes a husband and wife should go to church together, and he doesn't, therefore neither should I. He's verbally abusive and manipulative. I feel I can't do anything right, and he proclaims to be a perfectionist. Everything revolves around him and his likes, needs and wants.

This is a second marriage for both of us. He admits that he's insecure. I love him, but I can't take this anymore. I want to leave, but I don't know how or where to begin. If I were to go home, I'd have nothing -- no home, no car, no job or money.

We have no children together. What is your advice? -- TRAPPED IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR TRAPPED: By now you must realize there is no way to assuage your husband's insecurity and need to control. No wonder this is his second marriage. I'm betting it won't be his last, either. Look at it this way: He has a housekeeper, a built-in caregiver for his mother and someone whose every move he can control.

There are worse things than going home, starting from scratch and rebuilding your life. The first that comes to mind is continuing to live in a marriage like this one. So please, pick up the phone and ask your family to come and get you. And if you are afraid that he could become violent, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The toll-free number is 800-799-7233. They will help you formulate an escape plan.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell a young girl about sex, and what's the best way to go about telling her? My niece is 12 and hasn't had her first period yet. But she has a serious crush on an older boy, and kids grow up real fast in our neighborhood. You'd be shocked if you knew how young they are when they start fooling around.

This is a difficult subject to discuss, but I know that our talk will have to happen pretty soon. She is closer to me than to her mom. When I was growing up, the word "sex" wasn't mentioned, and one of my cousins got pregnant in her sophomore year of high school. I don't want that same mistake made again. Please help.

I heard you have a book about this. How can I get one? -- ALMOST READY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALMOST READY: Kids grow up fast all over these days -- not just in your neighborhood. "The talk" with your niece should have started long ago as part of an ongoing discussion because young people are maturing earlier than they did years ago, for a variety of reasons.

Because it hasn't already started happening, your niece should be told that there will be changes in her body and that they are normal. She should also be assured they are nothing to fear. You heard correctly that I publish a booklet about what teens should know about sex (and drugs) that covers a variety of important topics. Adults and parents sometimes find the subject difficult to discuss. My booklet was written to help "break the ice" and begin the discussion more easily. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL, 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. It could be very helpful to you if you review it before starting the discussion with your niece so you can prepare beforehand to answer her questions or guide the conversations.

Important topics that are included are "How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant?" "How old must a boy be before he can father a child?" "What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe?" and "Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex?" In addition, there is a section on various sexually transmitted diseases and what to do if you think you may have one. It is extremely important that they be treated right away, because not doing so can have lifelong consequences.

Knowledge is power, and the more information your niece has, the better she can be prepared for making the decisions that lie ahead of her. But most of all your niece needs to know that becoming a woman is a cause for celebration -- and I hope you will present that to her and make it clear.

DEAR ABBY: I have a lighted doorbell at my front door. But nine out of 10 people who come here still knock rather than use the bell. Sometimes I don't hear them, so then they'll start pounding with a lot of force until they can get my attention. They never resort to using the doorbell. Why are people so stubborn? -- AT HOME IN MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR AT HOME: I'm not sure it's stubbornness. They simply might not think to use it. However, I may have a solution for you. Post a sign over your doorbell that reads: PLEASE RING BELL!