DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a grandmother getting into a Jacuzzi with her 6-year-old granddaughter? This has caused a big rift in our family.

At a large recent family gathering, my daughter couldn't accommodate all of us sleeping at her home, so some of us rented rooms at a nearby motel.

My son-in-law's parents took my granddaughter "Charise" to their room to spend the night. The bathroom had a Jacuzzi tub in it, and Grandma and Charise bathed in it together. When they told my daughter about it the next day, she became upset because she thought it was inappropriate for an adult to be in the tub with her young daughter.

My daughter's mother-in-law said she was not ashamed of her body and she refused to apologize to my daughter for what happened. My son-in-law has sided with his mother. What do you think? -- SHOCKED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SHOCKED: I fail to see what the uproar was about, since the grandmother and grandchild are the same sex and we all come with the same standard equipment. It's not worth causing a rift in the family -- so tell your daughter to cool down and stop making waves.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my husband, "Howard." I moved two hours away from my family, left my job and sold my house and car to be married to him. Now I feel trapped.

We have been married three years. It wasn't like this in the beginning. I'm a housewife who takes care of his mother who lives with us (another story). I can't go anywhere. I'm at home all day, every day, except when his mother needs to go to the doctor. He refuses to get another car because he's "afraid" I'm going to meet someone else if I go out. I'm at my wits' end.

Howard doesn't like my friends -- the three that I do have. He has taken church away from me because he believes a husband and wife should go to church together, and he doesn't, therefore neither should I. He's verbally abusive and manipulative. I feel I can't do anything right, and he proclaims to be a perfectionist. Everything revolves around him and his likes, needs and wants.

This is a second marriage for both of us. He admits that he's insecure. I love him, but I can't take this anymore. I want to leave, but I don't know how or where to begin. If I were to go home, I'd have nothing -- no home, no car, no job or money.

We have no children together. What is your advice? -- TRAPPED IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR TRAPPED: By now you must realize there is no way to assuage your husband's insecurity and need to control. No wonder this is his second marriage. I'm betting it won't be his last, either. Look at it this way: He has a housekeeper, a built-in caregiver for his mother and someone whose every move he can control.

There are worse things than going home, starting from scratch and rebuilding your life. The first that comes to mind is continuing to live in a marriage like this one. So please, pick up the phone and ask your family to come and get you. And if you are afraid that he could become violent, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The toll-free number is 800-799-7233. They will help you formulate an escape plan.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell a young girl about sex, and what's the best way to go about telling her? My niece is 12 and hasn't had her first period yet. But she has a serious crush on an older boy, and kids grow up real fast in our neighborhood. You'd be shocked if you knew how young they are when they start fooling around.

This is a difficult subject to discuss, but I know that our talk will have to happen pretty soon. She is closer to me than to her mom. When I was growing up, the word "sex" wasn't mentioned, and one of my cousins got pregnant in her sophomore year of high school. I don't want that same mistake made again. Please help.

I heard you have a book about this. How can I get one? -- ALMOST READY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR ALMOST READY: Kids grow up fast all over these days -- not just in your neighborhood. "The talk" with your niece should have started long ago as part of an ongoing discussion because young people are maturing earlier than they did years ago, for a variety of reasons.

Because it hasn't already started happening, your niece should be told that there will be changes in her body and that they are normal. She should also be assured they are nothing to fear. You heard correctly that I publish a booklet about what teens should know about sex (and drugs) that covers a variety of important topics. Adults and parents sometimes find the subject difficult to discuss. My booklet was written to help "break the ice" and begin the discussion more easily. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL, 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. It could be very helpful to you if you review it before starting the discussion with your niece so you can prepare beforehand to answer her questions or guide the conversations.

Important topics that are included are "How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant?" "How old must a boy be before he can father a child?" "What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe?" and "Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex?" In addition, there is a section on various sexually transmitted diseases and what to do if you think you may have one. It is extremely important that they be treated right away, because not doing so can have lifelong consequences.

Knowledge is power, and the more information your niece has, the better she can be prepared for making the decisions that lie ahead of her. But most of all your niece needs to know that becoming a woman is a cause for celebration -- and I hope you will present that to her and make it clear.

DEAR ABBY: I have a lighted doorbell at my front door. But nine out of 10 people who come here still knock rather than use the bell. Sometimes I don't hear them, so then they'll start pounding with a lot of force until they can get my attention. They never resort to using the doorbell. Why are people so stubborn? -- AT HOME IN MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR AT HOME: I'm not sure it's stubbornness. They simply might not think to use it. However, I may have a solution for you. Post a sign over your doorbell that reads: PLEASE RING BELL!

DEAR ABBY: In our condominium complex, there is one family who are disrespectful to everyone. "Sasha" allows her 11-year-old son, "Travis," to damage people's property, lie, steal, harass neighbors, make threats and make a lot of noise. The police have been called many times. I have been told Sasha has physically attacked at least two women here, and some residents say her former husband warned them that she is violent.

When neighbors -- including me -- approached Sasha, she said her son is only "having fun" and she accused us of being racist. We feel she is using race to deflect from her poor behavior.

We believe the condo association or management company is either weak or afraid to do anything about this. The situation is unbearable. Her son harasses senior citizens here, too. Please advise us, but do not reveal my name or location because I am afraid of retaliation. -- BEGGING FOR HELP

DEAR BEGGING: No one should have to live under such intimidating and potentially violent circumstances. Because you have been warned about Sasha's behavior, do not confront her yourself.

Speak to the condo association board and or/management company, tell them the conditions you are living under are intolerable, and that they must speak to the woman about her and her son's behavior. There is strength in numbers, so go as a group to the next homeowner's meeting, or sign a petition to show that you are all serious. If you own the condo, you have the ability to vote the members of the board out of office and elect officers who will take responsibility for improving your living conditions.

Resolving this may involve the help of an attorney. And because the police are already aware of this family's history, you may be able to get a restraining order.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Daryl" for more than three years. I am 25; Daryl is 27. He seemed very committed and affectionate, and he's hardworking and well-educated, so I thought we had everything.

He promised me seven months ago that we would get engaged. We looked at rings together, and he told me I should leave the rest to him.

Because it has been seven months and I still don't have a ring, I confronted him. Now he says that he "isn't ready," and he isn't even sure I'm the woman he is going to marry! He says he "thinks" I am, but he doesn't want to make any promises. He also says he loves me and doesn't want me to move out or break up with him. He is willing to set up a spare bedroom for himself so we can have our space.

Abby, I feel betrayed. I was waiting for the ring and now it isn't coming. Should I move out? -- RINGLESS IN BRIGHTON, MASS.

DEAR RINGLESS: Yes. The ring isn't what's important, but what the ring symbolizes is. If after three years of living together your boyfriend still isn't able to decide whether you're the woman he's going to marry, it appears that he's not as committed as you thought.

If marriage is what you want, the time has indeed come to move out. It is also time to move on with your life.