DEAR ABBY: "Pennsville, N.J., Reader" (May 15) complained that her book club members don't always read their current book and want to socialize instead. I can add nothing to your thoughtful answer. Still, her letter troubles me.

As you know, literacy is under siege in America, and many people can't follow the directions on a box of cake mix. Years ago, I heard Margaret Mead speak. She warned us against turning into a "machine-worshipping society," and that is precisely what we have become. It's killing off a part of our brains. We are wired to electronic messaging most of the time, at our peril. Reading serious books helps to reclaim our brains.

Each member of my group has a voice in selecting the book. Most of us do read the monthly selection, and the moderator -- friendly but firm -- keeps us on track with our discussions. No one ventures too far afield, ever. If someone comes to the meeting and hasn't read the selection, she simply listens and takes notes while the others discuss the designated chapters.

I feel strongly that if anyone wants to socialize instead, he/she should arrange and host their own meetings at home and make it clear that the gathering is a social chat. -- BOOK CLUB MEMBER IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOOK CLUB MEMBER: Readers agree that the reading and socializing should be kept separate and were quick to offer solutions to the problem of mixing the two. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: For years, I have led three book groups in three different states. Our monthly meetings are two hours long; the discussions are 60 to 90 minutes. Socializing comes afterward. We choose books by ballot, voting from a list submitted by members. Each member leads discussions on a rotating basis of a book that particularly piques their interest.

If the non-readers of the group mentioned in the letter (who should not be attending a book group just to socialize) were discussion leaders, they would read the book. If they choose to attend without reading, they should remain quiet during the discussion and wait to socialize later. Give those lazy nonreaders a task! -- SERGEANT-AT-ARMS IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR ABBY: I have discovered the joy of audio books. Most of them are classics long out of copyright, but classics are classics because they are good. My local library has a way to access current books by best-selling authors. I get all of these treasures on my cellphone and listen to them no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

Being "too busy" is no longer an excuse for not being well-read. I'll bet the women in that club would get with the program if they were introduced to audio books. -- WIRED BOOKWORM, STILLWATER, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: Here's how our club handled the problem of members not reading the books: We started charging $5 for failure to do it. The money is held by our unofficial treasurer, and every summer it is used to pay for meals during our yearly summer outing. It's a simple system that has cut down on people not doing the assigned reading. --BOOK-CLUBBER, TOO

DEAR ABBY: Our group has every member take a turn to host for a month. The leader chooses the book we read and leads the discussion. Once this plan was adopted, several people dropped out. But we have now grown to 18 members and have a waiting list, so we must be doing something right. Sure, there will be books not everyone cares for, but variety is what a book group is all about.

Socializing is fun, but being a member of a book group is about reading. -- LYNN IN LILBURN, GA

DEAR ABBY: I just celebrated my 80th birthday at a party with 22 of my dearest friends. I also invited my daughter-in-law, "Sydney," and her mother.

The problem is, I didn't invite my 8-year-old granddaughter. I explained that I felt she wouldn't enjoy herself with all of us senior women. Sydney disagreed.

I then suggested perhaps it would be better if I had a dinner party for the entire family the following evening (on my actual birthday) at a fine dining restaurant. In retaliation for my not inviting my granddaughter, Sydney declined the dinner invitation, although all other family members attended. My "punishment" was not to receive a birthday present from her.

Was I wrong not to invite my granddaughter to a party with my 80-year-old friends? -- TRIED TO BE CONSIDERATE

DEAR TRIED: I don't think so. You were being considerate of your granddaughter's feelings. Had she attended, she would have been bored, and one of your guests or her mother and grandmother would have had to entertain her. Frankly, it would have been a distraction from the celebration. That your daughter-in-law would be so petulant as to "punish" you for making the intelligent choice you did indicates that she has some growing up to do. You owe no one any apologies; Sydney does.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, the only girl and the youngest of my husband's siblings, is being married soon. We couldn't be happier. The problem is my mother-in-law. Anytime the subject of the wedding comes up and I chime in, she says, "How would you know? You didn't have a wedding."

My husband and I eloped six years ago. Since then, the subject of weddings has been a problem between my mother-in-law and me. In my opinion, I did have a wedding. There was a beautiful location, an officiant, a dress, and a commitment made between my husband and me.

She continues to make it painfully obvious that she feels it wasn't a valid wedding because she wasn't there. Her comments, in front of my husband and children, are insulting and hurtful. Is there anything I could say to let her know we don't agree with her without rocking the boat too much before her daughter's wedding? -- AS MARRIED AS ANYONE

DEAR MARRIED AS ANYONE: No, but there is plenty you can say after it's over. At that time, you and your husband should talk to his mother together so she hears from both of you that her sniping is inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please weigh in on whether you think wearing sunglasses indoors -- particularly in the evening -- is rude and not conducive to friendly communication with others? (This isn't a situation involving eye problems.) -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: It is said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. I agree that trying to converse with someone who is wearing sunglasses can be confusing, because it prevents you from picking up nonverbal cues you might otherwise be given.

The person you're writing about may be shy, paranoid or hiding the bleary remnants of a hangover. But unless you ask why he or she is hiding behind the sunglasses, you will never know if there's a valid reason for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have set the guest list for my Fourth of July party. A few people I entertained last year will not be invited back this summer. Perhaps they'll recognize themselves when they read the following list:

(1) You arrived empty-handed.

(2) You arrived early and stayed late.

(3) You never reciprocated. It's OK if you don't entertain in your home, but how about a restaurant, bar or cafe?

(4) You complained about what I served.

(5) You solicited free advice from other guests who are legal or medical professionals. No guest in my home should have to work. (If you need a doctor or a lawyer, call their office during the week to make an appointment!)

(6) You raided our liquor cabinet without permission.

(7) You complained about how bad the traffic was getting here.

Abby, thanks for the forum. -- SAN FRANCISCO HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: Hmmm. So you have been entertaining a collection of complaining moochers. I don't blame you for paring down your guest list. I'm sure it will make your Fourth of July parties more enjoyable and less stressful in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Lisa," is 50 and married to husband No. 5. I'll call him "Steve." He is 38. (Lisa's son is 31.)

The problem isn't the age difference. It's the fact that her husband refuses to hold a steady job. Steve is often "between jobs" for six to eight months at a crack. Lisa had a job with the same company for 28 years and has a very nice income.

My husband and I are sick of seeing Steve mooching off his mom. He drives around in a new truck, dresses well, has a nice place to live and anything else he wants -- all at my mother-in-law's expense.

Abby, she retired recently, and Steve is spending her retirement money faster than it's coming in. What can we do to get rid of this bum? -- BUMMED OUT IN GEORGIA

DEAR BUMMED OUT: There is nothing you can do. After five husbands, Lisa knows what she wants. She wants a companion and is willing to pay the price. It's her money, and she has a right to spend it any way she wishes. I'm sorry, but not as sorry as she will be when her money runs out and Steve latches onto another meal ticket.

DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary this summer. I know this is a huge deal for them, and I'd like to do something really nice.

I have been considering throwing them a party because they were never able to have a real wedding reception. It would probably include a guest list of about 150. However, because I am a full-time college student, my funds are limited.

I want to do something my parents will like, but I don't know how I'll pay for it. What could I do that will be nice, but not require me to take out a loan? -- AMY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR AMY: Under no circumstances should you take out a loan in order to give your parents an anniversary party you can't afford. Figure out how many people you can afford to entertain within your budget -- or just take your parents out for a nice dinner. I am positive that whatever you do for them they will deeply appreciate.