DEAR ABBY: I just celebrated my 80th birthday at a party with 22 of my dearest friends. I also invited my daughter-in-law, "Sydney," and her mother.

The problem is, I didn't invite my 8-year-old granddaughter. I explained that I felt she wouldn't enjoy herself with all of us senior women. Sydney disagreed.

I then suggested perhaps it would be better if I had a dinner party for the entire family the following evening (on my actual birthday) at a fine dining restaurant. In retaliation for my not inviting my granddaughter, Sydney declined the dinner invitation, although all other family members attended. My "punishment" was not to receive a birthday present from her.

Was I wrong not to invite my granddaughter to a party with my 80-year-old friends? -- TRIED TO BE CONSIDERATE

DEAR TRIED: I don't think so. You were being considerate of your granddaughter's feelings. Had she attended, she would have been bored, and one of your guests or her mother and grandmother would have had to entertain her. Frankly, it would have been a distraction from the celebration. That your daughter-in-law would be so petulant as to "punish" you for making the intelligent choice you did indicates that she has some growing up to do. You owe no one any apologies; Sydney does.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, the only girl and the youngest of my husband's siblings, is being married soon. We couldn't be happier. The problem is my mother-in-law. Anytime the subject of the wedding comes up and I chime in, she says, "How would you know? You didn't have a wedding."

My husband and I eloped six years ago. Since then, the subject of weddings has been a problem between my mother-in-law and me. In my opinion, I did have a wedding. There was a beautiful location, an officiant, a dress, and a commitment made between my husband and me.

She continues to make it painfully obvious that she feels it wasn't a valid wedding because she wasn't there. Her comments, in front of my husband and children, are insulting and hurtful. Is there anything I could say to let her know we don't agree with her without rocking the boat too much before her daughter's wedding? -- AS MARRIED AS ANYONE

DEAR MARRIED AS ANYONE: No, but there is plenty you can say after it's over. At that time, you and your husband should talk to his mother together so she hears from both of you that her sniping is inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please weigh in on whether you think wearing sunglasses indoors -- particularly in the evening -- is rude and not conducive to friendly communication with others? (This isn't a situation involving eye problems.) -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: It is said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. I agree that trying to converse with someone who is wearing sunglasses can be confusing, because it prevents you from picking up nonverbal cues you might otherwise be given.

The person you're writing about may be shy, paranoid or hiding the bleary remnants of a hangover. But unless you ask why he or she is hiding behind the sunglasses, you will never know if there's a valid reason for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have set the guest list for my Fourth of July party. A few people I entertained last year will not be invited back this summer. Perhaps they'll recognize themselves when they read the following list:

(1) You arrived empty-handed.

(2) You arrived early and stayed late.

(3) You never reciprocated. It's OK if you don't entertain in your home, but how about a restaurant, bar or cafe?

(4) You complained about what I served.

(5) You solicited free advice from other guests who are legal or medical professionals. No guest in my home should have to work. (If you need a doctor or a lawyer, call their office during the week to make an appointment!)

(6) You raided our liquor cabinet without permission.

(7) You complained about how bad the traffic was getting here.

Abby, thanks for the forum. -- SAN FRANCISCO HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: Hmmm. So you have been entertaining a collection of complaining moochers. I don't blame you for paring down your guest list. I'm sure it will make your Fourth of July parties more enjoyable and less stressful in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Lisa," is 50 and married to husband No. 5. I'll call him "Steve." He is 38. (Lisa's son is 31.)

The problem isn't the age difference. It's the fact that her husband refuses to hold a steady job. Steve is often "between jobs" for six to eight months at a crack. Lisa had a job with the same company for 28 years and has a very nice income.

My husband and I are sick of seeing Steve mooching off his mom. He drives around in a new truck, dresses well, has a nice place to live and anything else he wants -- all at my mother-in-law's expense.

Abby, she retired recently, and Steve is spending her retirement money faster than it's coming in. What can we do to get rid of this bum? -- BUMMED OUT IN GEORGIA

DEAR BUMMED OUT: There is nothing you can do. After five husbands, Lisa knows what she wants. She wants a companion and is willing to pay the price. It's her money, and she has a right to spend it any way she wishes. I'm sorry, but not as sorry as she will be when her money runs out and Steve latches onto another meal ticket.

DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary this summer. I know this is a huge deal for them, and I'd like to do something really nice.

I have been considering throwing them a party because they were never able to have a real wedding reception. It would probably include a guest list of about 150. However, because I am a full-time college student, my funds are limited.

I want to do something my parents will like, but I don't know how I'll pay for it. What could I do that will be nice, but not require me to take out a loan? -- AMY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR AMY: Under no circumstances should you take out a loan in order to give your parents an anniversary party you can't afford. Figure out how many people you can afford to entertain within your budget -- or just take your parents out for a nice dinner. I am positive that whatever you do for them they will deeply appreciate.

DEAR ABBY: I regard my photograph albums as diaries. I don't like to make copies of my pictures for others. My future mother-in-law looked through my albums and chose half a dozen that she would like me to copy for her. I had already given her several snapshots of her son and me, but she wants more.

Abby, I don't understand why she doesn't just take her own pictures of us! I view these pictures as personal items. I don't think they are for others to own and display. Am I wrong? How can I refuse requests for copies of my pictures without offending someone? -- L.E. IN CINCINNATI

DEAR L.E.: I think you're viewing this scenario from the wrong perspective. Perhaps your mother-in-law-to-be isn't as comfortable or creative with a camera as you are. If she didn't have warm feelings for you, she wouldn't want to own and display the pictures she's requesting.

Unless you become less territorial and change your attitude, I foresee a troubled relationship with your mother-in-law looming on the horizon. Get the picture?

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two small children. My husband loves me and is good to me. My problem is I no longer feel the same about him anymore.

My former fiance recently came back into my life. I hadn't seen him in eight years, and the moment I saw him all the old feelings came flooding back. We even spent the night together.

I told my husband everything, hoping he would be upset and leave me, but he was forgiving and wants to stay married! Now I don't know what to do -- stay with him or be with the one true love of my life. I can't stop thinking about my love. Please help me. -- UNHAPPY IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR UNHAPPY: Nowhere in your letter have you indicated that your ex-fiance feels the way you do, and is ready to support you emotionally and financially. You have much to lose if you abandon your husband and children. That's why I'm urging you and your husband to seek counseling to try to reignite your marriage, because right now you are living in a fantasy of what "might have been."

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor "Marcella" is 84. She's a lovely woman, but she's dependent on me to do everything for her because she's quite senile. Marcella has been in three auto accidents and goes from doctor to doctor for treatment because she forgets who treated her last.

Abby, this poor woman's "children," who are in their 40s and 50s, live 10 minutes away and visit her only twice a year. They knew about Marcella's car accidents and never even showed up at the hospital.

I have my own family to care for and I work. Marcella demands my attention daily to do her grocery shopping, check her furnace or take her to doctor's appointments. I just can't do it all anymore! Your advice? -- LOYAL NEIGHBOR IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOYAL NEIGHBOR: You are very kind-hearted, but the responsibility for your neighbor's care should be borne by her children. If you don't want to confront Marcella's children directly, phone or write them a letter explaining what you have told me. If they refuse to help, then senior citizen services in your county should be contacted ASAP.