DEAR ABBY: I have set the guest list for my Fourth of July party. A few people I entertained last year will not be invited back this summer. Perhaps they'll recognize themselves when they read the following list:

(1) You arrived empty-handed.

(2) You arrived early and stayed late.

(3) You never reciprocated. It's OK if you don't entertain in your home, but how about a restaurant, bar or cafe?

(4) You complained about what I served.

(5) You solicited free advice from other guests who are legal or medical professionals. No guest in my home should have to work. (If you need a doctor or a lawyer, call their office during the week to make an appointment!)

(6) You raided our liquor cabinet without permission.

(7) You complained about how bad the traffic was getting here.

Abby, thanks for the forum. -- SAN FRANCISCO HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: Hmmm. So you have been entertaining a collection of complaining moochers. I don't blame you for paring down your guest list. I'm sure it will make your Fourth of July parties more enjoyable and less stressful in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Lisa," is 50 and married to husband No. 5. I'll call him "Steve." He is 38. (Lisa's son is 31.)

The problem isn't the age difference. It's the fact that her husband refuses to hold a steady job. Steve is often "between jobs" for six to eight months at a crack. Lisa had a job with the same company for 28 years and has a very nice income.

My husband and I are sick of seeing Steve mooching off his mom. He drives around in a new truck, dresses well, has a nice place to live and anything else he wants -- all at my mother-in-law's expense.

Abby, she retired recently, and Steve is spending her retirement money faster than it's coming in. What can we do to get rid of this bum? -- BUMMED OUT IN GEORGIA

DEAR BUMMED OUT: There is nothing you can do. After five husbands, Lisa knows what she wants. She wants a companion and is willing to pay the price. It's her money, and she has a right to spend it any way she wishes. I'm sorry, but not as sorry as she will be when her money runs out and Steve latches onto another meal ticket.

DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary this summer. I know this is a huge deal for them, and I'd like to do something really nice.

I have been considering throwing them a party because they were never able to have a real wedding reception. It would probably include a guest list of about 150. However, because I am a full-time college student, my funds are limited.

I want to do something my parents will like, but I don't know how I'll pay for it. What could I do that will be nice, but not require me to take out a loan? -- AMY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR AMY: Under no circumstances should you take out a loan in order to give your parents an anniversary party you can't afford. Figure out how many people you can afford to entertain within your budget -- or just take your parents out for a nice dinner. I am positive that whatever you do for them they will deeply appreciate.

DEAR ABBY: I regard my photograph albums as diaries. I don't like to make copies of my pictures for others. My future mother-in-law looked through my albums and chose half a dozen that she would like me to copy for her. I had already given her several snapshots of her son and me, but she wants more.

Abby, I don't understand why she doesn't just take her own pictures of us! I view these pictures as personal items. I don't think they are for others to own and display. Am I wrong? How can I refuse requests for copies of my pictures without offending someone? -- L.E. IN CINCINNATI

DEAR L.E.: I think you're viewing this scenario from the wrong perspective. Perhaps your mother-in-law-to-be isn't as comfortable or creative with a camera as you are. If she didn't have warm feelings for you, she wouldn't want to own and display the pictures she's requesting.

Unless you become less territorial and change your attitude, I foresee a troubled relationship with your mother-in-law looming on the horizon. Get the picture?

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years and have two small children. My husband loves me and is good to me. My problem is I no longer feel the same about him anymore.

My former fiance recently came back into my life. I hadn't seen him in eight years, and the moment I saw him all the old feelings came flooding back. We even spent the night together.

I told my husband everything, hoping he would be upset and leave me, but he was forgiving and wants to stay married! Now I don't know what to do -- stay with him or be with the one true love of my life. I can't stop thinking about my love. Please help me. -- UNHAPPY IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR UNHAPPY: Nowhere in your letter have you indicated that your ex-fiance feels the way you do, and is ready to support you emotionally and financially. You have much to lose if you abandon your husband and children. That's why I'm urging you and your husband to seek counseling to try to reignite your marriage, because right now you are living in a fantasy of what "might have been."

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor "Marcella" is 84. She's a lovely woman, but she's dependent on me to do everything for her because she's quite senile. Marcella has been in three auto accidents and goes from doctor to doctor for treatment because she forgets who treated her last.

Abby, this poor woman's "children," who are in their 40s and 50s, live 10 minutes away and visit her only twice a year. They knew about Marcella's car accidents and never even showed up at the hospital.

I have my own family to care for and I work. Marcella demands my attention daily to do her grocery shopping, check her furnace or take her to doctor's appointments. I just can't do it all anymore! Your advice? -- LOYAL NEIGHBOR IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOYAL NEIGHBOR: You are very kind-hearted, but the responsibility for your neighbor's care should be borne by her children. If you don't want to confront Marcella's children directly, phone or write them a letter explaining what you have told me. If they refuse to help, then senior citizen services in your county should be contacted ASAP.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my college sweetheart for 20 years. "Mark" is a great husband, a good father, and we are very compatible. He is the kind of man who brings me flowers for no reason, and who'd rather be home cooking dinner with me than almost anywhere. I know he loves me and our children.

Recently, a woman called our house, identified herself as "a friend," and told me Mark has been "playing around" all over town and she thought I should know I was married to a "pervert." She hung up before I could comment. Mark swears he is not, and never has, had an affair.

Of course, I believe the man I have known for 25 years over a complete stranger, but this has been very upsetting. I now question my decision to be a stay-at-home mom and wonder if someone may be out to get me. I have become nervous in crowds, fearful that someone is watching me or us when we're out together. Mark is trying to be there for me and says we will go to marriage counseling or whatever I need.

Abby, I am happy in my marriage. Yet I feel violated, depressed and resentful that a stranger has the power to make me question my own happiness. Can you help me? -- SAD WIFE IN NEW YORK

DEAR WIFE: The prank you have described could have been perpetrated by a high school student dialing randomly, or a disgruntled person with a grudge against your husband -- or even you -- for some imagined slight.

You feel violated because you have been. People can exercise power over us only if we allow it. You have a husband who loves you and a marriage many people would envy. I don't think you need marriage counseling. However, some sessions with a mental health professional might be helpful in putting this unpleasant incident behind you.

P.S. I assume this was a one-time thing. If the calls persist, the phone company and the police should be notified that you're being harassed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I separated two years ago. For the past year, I have been dating one man exclusively. We have a wonderful relationship that has great potential. Never have there been two people with more in common.

There is one problem. I have no children and he has three. Two are adults -- responsible, good people. The youngest, "Erik," is 18, and he's the problem. He dropped out of school, doesn't work, refuses to even try to find a job and doesn't have a driver's license.

Erik has stolen money from me and also from his father to buy drugs and alcohol. Basically, the kid is good for nothing. He doesn't even have any friends left.

My boyfriend realizes his son's problems, but has essentially given up on him. I can't blame him. It has reached the point where I can't even stand to be around the kid. It doesn't look like he'll ever get a life and move on. Please tell me what to do. -- AT A LOSS IN NOVA SCOTIA

DEAR AT A LOSS: You and your boyfriend are overdue for a frank discussion. You could have a good relationship with this man if he agrees to insist that his son get counseling and drug treatment. Be firm and do not allow him to sidestep his son's obvious addiction. But if he refuses, you should move on.