DEAR ABBY: I was molested for years by my brother and I never told anyone. It led to poor self-esteem, ruined the intimate side of my life and caused several other serious issues, including depression. I took the first chance I had to leave home and refuse to have contact with my brother. The problem is, I have a younger sister who I'm worried may now be in the same position.

I need to talk to her, but I'm not sure how. What do I say? Should I tell her what happened to me so she knows she is not alone and to stay away from him? -- SCARED AND WORRIED IN ARIZONA

DEAR WORRIED: Talk to your sister about this as quickly as possible. Do it in person, and a way to start the conversation would be to ask if he has ever touched her inappropriately. Explain that it happened to you, because it may make it easier for her to tell you if she, too, has been molested. Since you are reluctant to talk to your parents about this, contact your local police department and ask to speak to an officer in the sex crimes division. It may set the wheels in motion to prevent your brother from continuing to prey on young women.

If you haven't had counseling to help you deal with what you have suffered, I hope you will consider it. There is also a group, Survivors of Incest Anonymous, a 12-step program that is open to individuals 18 and older who want to go from being victims to survivors. Its website is www.siawso.org. You might find talking with others who have experienced what you have to be both comforting and helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I feel lost. I'll be 18 soon and for the past two years I have felt like my life is going nowhere and won't change. I haven't decided what I want to be, and I don't want to grow up. I'm afraid of the future and what it will be like to be on my own.

I don't know if anyone else has felt like this, or if it's just a part of growing up. When I was 12, I couldn't wait until I was 18 and on my own. Now I feel pressured and like I need to hurry and choose what I want to be. Please help me. -- LOST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOST: Do you know where this pressure is coming from? It's coming from yourself. Years ago, high school students had to decide what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives because the workplace was different. People trained for jobs they would perform until they retired. That is no longer true. Workers today must remain flexible and willing to learn new skills because they may change jobs several times during their working lives.

Not all people have the same interests and aptitudes, so start thinking about subjects that you like. Visit the library and research how they can be applied. Your future isn't something to be afraid of -- it's something to be explored and enjoyed. You do not have to make any hasty decisions now.

DEAR ABBY: We go to a lot of summer social events. Quite a few of them include a band. I love listening to music and being in a social setting. However, I do not enjoy dancing. It makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward. When I am asked to dance, I fumble around and make excuses. What can I say when asked, without sounding unfriendly or weird? -- TWO LEFT FEET IN PASO ROBLES, CALIF.

DEAR TWO LEFT FEET: How about this: "Thank you for asking, but no. I'm not very good at it and it makes me uncomfortable. Would you like to sit down?"

DEAR ABBY: I need to get something off my chest. My son and his wonderful -- or so I thought -- girlfriend, just broke up. OK, she dumped him. Out of the blue, with no warning, she slept with another guy and the next day she told my son it was over.

I am devastated! This is a girl I loved. He hadn't proposed yet, but my son wanted to marry her. She was going to be my daughter-in-law, the mother of my grandchildren -- holidays, birthdays, weekends in the park, the beach, our house, their house, the whole nine yards.

Now I don't know who has cried more, me or my son. I know it's none of my business and I have to let these two kids work it out for themselves if there is anything salvageable. But Abby, I'm hurting too.

I'm so tired of people telling me I have "no right" to have an opinion about this, much less express it. I don't want to call her yet, but maybe someday I'd like to just say I'm sorry this happened. I'm disappointed and would at least like to say goodbye.

I can't believe I'm never going to see her again. If somehow, by the grace of God, they can put this back together, I will forever keep my mouth shut, but in the meantime, I'm just sitting here ... A BROKEN-HEARTED MOM

DEAR MOM: Clearly you are hurting, and I'm sorry for it. But young love can be unpredictable, and it's obvious that your son's girlfriend wasn't ready for the kind of future you have fantasized about.

If you're smart you will start thinking about this with your head rather than your heart. While what happened is extremely disappointing it could have been worse. She could have been married to your son and the mother of your grandchildren when she slept with another man and decided to bolt. Be grateful she wasn't.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a contented, widowed, retired elementary school teacher. I live in the same condo complex as my fraternal twin sister and her seventh husband. She has always been a cougar -- never satisfied with what she has. She's attractive and looks 15 years younger than her age.

For almost a year she has been pen pals with a handsome man 30 years her junior. They exchange naughty nude photos and have phone sex. She likes the fantasy, but he wants it to become reality by flying across country for a long, steamy weekend. It's inevitable that this will happen. I worry for her safety. She says she can handle it. What should I do, if anything? -- NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME

DEAR AMAZED: I can understand your concern, however, your sister is well past the age of 21. From your description of her history she has been around this block many times. She knows the territory. If I were you, I'd worry less about her safety and more about his.

DEAR ABBY: Is it appropriate to visit a house you grew up in years ago and expect to be treated to a tour? Should one expect the current owners to accept you and invite you into the house, which is now theirs? How is this handled? -- MOVED ON IN TAMPA

DEAR MOVED ON: If one is smart, one does not expect anything from strangers because it suggests a feeling of entitlement. Chances of being allowed inside would be better if the homeowner was given some advance notice, like a short note explaining that you were raised in that home and asking if you could be admitted. That's how I'd handle it.

DEAR ABBY: "Torn in Texas" (April 13) wrote that her widowed father-in-law visits them every weekend, leaving no time for her family to have a weekend just for themselves. May I suggest that "Torn" contact the Office on Aging nearest to "Pop" and find out what programs are available for seniors. If he has the capacity to drive an hour each way to their house, perhaps he could volunteer.

It appears that Pop has a lot of life left in him, and it's a shame that he spends so much of it alone. If he could become involved in some activities during the week, they might overflow into his weekends, keep him busy and productive, and alleviate his family's guilt. If you only reduce the number of times he visits each month, he will be alone that much more and probably won't admit that he is lonely.

As is often the case, I'll bet Pop's late wife made all their social plans. I recommend that Torn or her husband go with Pop to a program the first time. It would also be helpful to talk to the director and explain the circumstances. The father-in-law may be resistant at first because it's difficult to walk into a new place cold turkey. But he will be warmly welcomed and may look forward to the next time. -- EXPERIENCED WITH SENIORS

DEAR EXPERIENCED WITH SENIORS: Your letter reflects the opinion of many other readers. Most agreed that Pop needs to get out and become more involved, and Torn should appreciate the time she and her family spends with Pop, because at 87 he won't be around forever.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I sympathize with Torn, she needs to consider that her father-in-law is 87 and has many more years behind him than ahead of him. Any time spent with him should be considered a blessing. At his age, he may not be able to prepare food for himself, so time at his son's home may be his only opportunity for a decent meal.

My advice to Torn is to stop seeing Pop as a visitor and regard him as family. Include him in your family's life and plans and build memories while you can. Remember, you will be setting an example for your own children. How you treat your father-in-law is how they will believe the elderly should be treated, and one day that will be you. -- IRENE IN ELIDA, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Torn should be thankful her father-in-law is in good enough health to visit and be part of the family. If she needs a weekend alone, think about having him up during the week. Perhaps her teenagers have activities during the week that he would enjoy. Your family is the most important thing to Pop, and by including him you are contributing to his quality of life and well-being. That way you will live with fewer regrets. -- ACHING IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: It seems like a lot of families throw away their parents -- the people who gave them life, changed their diapers, fed, sheltered and clothed them. Daughter-in-law is using the excuse of needing a weekend to themselves to dump Grandpa into a nursing home.

If she needs time away from him, involve him in senior activities, church, a health club, and help him find some friends. Pretty soon she'll find she won't see much of Grandpa. She'll have her weekend time and also have helped him have a happy end to his life.

Remember, without Grandpa, she wouldn't have the husband she has now. She should pay him back a little of what he gave her husband -- the gift of life. -- APPRECIATING MY MOM