DEAR ABBY: I'm divorced with a young son. My ex-husband and I share joint custody, and for the most part it has worked well. My problem is that my ex is very bitter about our divorce and the fact I have moved on with my life. He constantly makes derogatory comments to me in front of our son and others.

It is bad enough that my son must witness this, but my ex has taken it a step further. He is the editor of a small newspaper and is now making disparaging comments about me in his column. He is trying to improve his image at my expense; however, I am unable to respond because he won't print a rebuttal in his paper.

The abuse continues despite the divorce, but now the audience is wider. Is this ethical journalism, and how can I put a stop to it? -- FRUSTRATED EX

DEAR FRUSTRATED EX: Using a newspaper column to continue a personal vendetta over a failed marriage is not ethical journalism, although it may make for titillating reading. You do not have to tolerate his public sniping. Take the offensive clippings to your lawyer and ask him or her to write a strong letter to the publisher of the newspaper -- because that's who will be liable if there are grounds for a lawsuit.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended a wedding in September of last year. We purchased expensive crystal for the bride and groom, which cost us nearly $600. This was separate from the bridal shower gift we gave them in May. We have not received thank-you notes for either of these gifts.

My husband told me that you have said it's appropriate to send thank-you notes up to one year after the wedding. My mother taught me to send them as quickly as possible.

My sister had her wedding thank-you notes out in three weeks, and I had mine out in two weeks. My sister and I both worked and were setting up new households with our husbands, but we felt it was a priority. We wanted to ensure that our family and friends knew how much their thoughtfulness was appreciated.

Can you please clarify thank-you note etiquette? I am tired of wondering if my gifts were received and appreciated. -- DISGUSTED IN DELAWARE

DEAR DISGUSTED: I have said in the past that a thank-you note anytime is better than none at all. However, good manners dictate that thank-you notes should follow within three months at the latest, and preferably within one month -- regardless of whether the giver has been thanked verbally.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the medical field and have recently learned about a campaign that was launched in England. It urges people to store the word "ICE" (In Case of Emergency) in their cellphone address book, along with the phone number of the person you would want contacted.

It's such a simple idea, but it could be extremely helpful in an emergency situation. It would save ambulance crews and hospital staff precious time and ensure that a patient's loved ones are contacted as quickly as possible.

If you agree the idea is worthwhile, please mention it in your column and help to get this initiated in the United States. -- TANYA F., MIAMI

DEAR TANYA: The idea is certainly worth considering; however, I would offer a minor adjustment. I would recommend that it be indexed under "Emergency Contact" rather than an obscure heading such as "ICE."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman in a long-distance relationship with an amazing man for more than a year. We visit each other every few months and chat online every night. We're in love and feel we are ready to move on to the next step -- living together.

We live in different countries. He is much more established in his country and very close to his family. I am in a temporary job, and while I care for my family very much, there really isn't anything to tie me here. It makes more sense for me to move there. (It's a five-hour plane ride from here.)

My family, especially my parents, are making me feel extremely guilty about even considering this move. They say I am "abandoning" them, and ask how could I live with myself if something ever happened?

Abby, my parents are in their early 50s and in excellent health. My two sisters live near them. I fail to see why I am getting so much grief, when I just want to move on to the next stage of my life. Any advice? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

DEAR PULLED IN TWO: Your parents are anxious because even at 30, you are still their child, and they are experiencing separation anxiety. However, at your age, you should be mature enough to decide your future.

I do have a word of advice I hope you'll consider: Before you commit to leaving the United States to join your boyfriend, please do some research on the rights of women in his country. Here in the U.S. we enjoy many privileges that are not shared by women outside our borders. They concern marriage, divorce, division of property and child custody. It is important that if you choose to marry him, you do it with your eyes wide open. That way there will be no surprises.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son, "Jake," is in prison for the fourth time for an indiscretion in his early 20s. He hasn't repeated the offense, but he doesn't comply with the rules of his probation and ends up back in prison. I fully supported my son when the incident happened because I felt he got a bad break, but I feel he should take responsibility for his actions.

Jake's repeated offenses for noncompliance are part of a rebellious and stubborn attitude and an unwillingness to accept the lifelong consequences of his initial offense. To compound the issue, he has three daughters. He keeps popping in and out of their lives, which is very disruptive. If it weren't for them, I'd probably write him off (I have done that emotionally anyway), but I keep trying to maintain some kind of connection between them in case he comes around someday.

Is this foolish thinking on my part? By the way, my son never married the girls' mother and has never paid child support, but she has still been willing to let him be part of their lives. -- WRITING HIM OFF IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WRITING HIM OFF: If you're asking me for permission to take yourself out of the equation, you have it. It is not your job to maintain Jake's relationship with his daughters -- that's his responsibility. If the mother of the girls is willing to tolerate his irresponsibility, that is her choice. But if you have had enough, then it's time to take a step backward.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Angie," and I have been happily married for 11 years and have two wonderful kids. Angie has been working out the past couple of years and has achieved impressive results. She looks great. I fully support her in this and she knows it.

The problem is she's consumed by an insatiable hunger to be thin, although she is already very much in shape. She talks nonstop about new diets and ideas for losing weight, even though I constantly compliment her. Why does she keep insisting that she needs to diet? -- ALARMED HUSBAND

DEAR ALARMED: Your wife doesn't see herself the way you do. She does not accept that she has achieved her goal and regards herself as still a work in progress. This may be because she has low self-esteem, or she may have a condition called "body dysmorphia," in which a person can't stop thinking about a perceived flaw in his or her appearance.

The person she should be talking to about her weight issues is her physician. I recommend you suggest it to her to be sure her preoccupation isn't an unhealthy one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school senior. My boyfriend has asked me to marry him and I said yes. I don't know if I may have said it too quickly or if I should have waited. My family keeps asking me if I'm "sure." Well, I want to be with him, but I don't know about marriage.

Please help me. I don't want to make a big mistake. -- CONFUSED TEEN IN SELMA, ALA.

DEAR CONFUSED: If you are unsure if you want to be married, you agreed too quickly. What you need to do is take a little time to decide what you want to do with your future.

Before marrying, it would be wise to consider completing your education so you will be better able to contribute financially to your marriage partnership. If you do, you will need to focus on your studies for the next few years. If not, you should still postpone marriage until you have lived apart from your family long enough to establish emotional and financial independence.

Your family keeps asking if you're "sure" because they are concerned that you have made too hasty a decision. The dreams you have at 18 may change by the time you are 23. Until you are 100 percent sure you are doing the right thing, do not set a wedding date.

DEAR ABBY: My estranged niece's high school graduation is coming up, and her father (my brother) has invited me to attend. He says she wants all her aunts (including me) to be there.

I'm not sure I should go because she kicked us out of her life years ago when she went to live with her mom after her parents separated. She said many hurtful things to her mom about us at the time and said she wanted us out of her life. Please advise me. -- TAKEN ABACK IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: It strikes me as strange that the woman your brother was divorcing would repeat the uncomplimentary things her daughter (may have) said about family members -- unless it was an attempt at parental alienation.

I hope you won't let something your niece might have said years ago, while under the emotional strain of her parents' separation, keep you from attending the graduation. She has most likely matured since then and would like to mend fences. Remember that when you see this girl, and treat her warmly and see what happens.