DEAR ABBY: I am a retired New York City police officer and a resource officer at two high schools in Brooklyn. I must comment on the letter you printed from "Worried About My Boy in Tulsa" (March 29), whose 7-year-old is bullied. If a child hits another child so hard that medical attention is required, it is an assault. The police should have been notified and appropriate law enforcement action taken.

The school then has cause to remove the violent child and have him/her placed in an education program better suited for violent children. The statute of limitations is not out, so the police can still be contacted as soon as possible by this parent. -- JIM C.

DEAR JIM: Many readers pointed out that this incident went beyond bullying into assault, and offered advice to "Worried" on this troubling but prevalent issue. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: If "Worried's" son is injured at school again, she needs to take him to an emergency room and have the injuries documented. While there, she should call 911 and report the assault to the police. She should start the report with this sentence: "I'd like to report an assault on my child." If she says he is being "bullied," they may not take her as seriously. -- CONCERNED GRAN IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: I am an attorney practicing law in California and have been involved in several bullying cases. The first step should be to ensure the child's safety. If the perpetrators are not being removed from the environment, the child needs to be. The cost of private schooling or the inconvenience of a school transfer would be part of a lawsuit for damages.

Second, the police should be notified. Third, they should get a lawyer who knows how to put the school on notice.

A lawsuit in this case is warranted if the school has known about the bullying but has done nothing about it. -- MIKE IN NEWPORT BEACH

DEAR ABBY: My son was bullied in elementary school. I spoke at length to his teachers and found out that he was exhibiting behaviors that triggered the bullying. He simply did not know how to interact with his peers. It wasn't my son's "fault"; he needed help with social skills.

It took several tries to find a counselor who connected -- a wonderful man who taught him how to be a friend. The bullying stopped. Now my son is graduating from high school with many good friends.

Kids can be cruel. They "smell" weakness and pick on those who are different. Sometimes the best we can do is help our children learn how to draw others to them, rather than be singled out as a victim or undesirable member of the team. -- BEEN THERE IN CHARLESTON, W.Va.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Worried in Tulsa" to call all of her local TV stations and ask for an interview. That will probably get some action. -- LOU ANN W.

DEAR ABBY: My son was bullied during his entire year of kindergarten. That summer we enrolled him in a tae kwon do program. After a few months he was a different person! The confidence and direction he learned were vital. He gained the inner strength to be sure of himself in the face of bullies.

Tae kwon do teaches perseverance, self-control, modesty and indomitable spirit -- qualities from which we can all benefit. I urge "Worried" to look around in her community for a tae kwon do program with an instructor who specializes in teaching this art to children. -- MONTANA MOM

DEAR ABBY: How important are a dying person's last wishes? My dad died recently and said that he wanted to be buried with his first wife in a state far from where we live. If his estate -- or his current wife -- can't afford to comply with his request, would it be horrible to do something else?

In today's economy most seniors don't have any extra income. To follow Dad's final wishes would take a sizable chunk of his estate. His wife feels it's not important to follow his last wishes because of the cost, but it really bothers me.

Dad was in the Navy during WWII. If his wife isn't willing to spend the money, would I still be a good guy by scattering his ashes in the ocean? I know he'd rather be in the deep than sitting on a shelf in the work shed. Please help. -- DISTURBED SON IN NEVADA

DEAR DISTURBED SON: Your letter illustrates why it is important for people to have their wishes in writing. In this case, your father's wife would have the right to his ashes, unless it was stated otherwise in black and white.

As far as granting a personal last wish, you need to use your best judgment, particularly if doing so would cause financial hardship. In this case, cremation would be a creative way to make everyone happy. Your father's ashes could be divided into thirds, with one portion placed with his first wife, another with his second wife, and the rest scattered at sea.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse, "Jack," and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven't spoken to or seen my son for three years. Not having my child in my life has made me become depressed, but I keep it bottled up inside.

Jack has three children -- all adults. We rarely see them. I brought two children into our marriage, ages 7 and 14. Jack says he doesn't want to be a father or grandfather. (We have three grandchildren.) I am scared to question why it is like this.

Am I a terrible mother/grandmother? Does this mean he doesn't really love me since my children are a part of me? I want to be a grandmother and enjoy my grandchildren. He knew I had kids when we were dating, but both of them lived with relatives at the time because of custody issues. -- SAD GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR SAD GRANDMA: It isn't that Jack doesn't love you. He appears to be so preoccupied with his own needs, desires and controlling you that he probably doesn't think about much else. That you are "scared" to question him speaks volumes about your relationship.

If you want to be a part of your children's and grandchildren's lives, you will have to do so without his blessing or participation. You will also have to strengthen your backbone and emancipate yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse, "Jack," and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven't spoken to or seen my son for three years. Not having my child in my life has made me become depressed, but I keep it bottled up inside.

Jack has three children -- all adults. We rarely see them. I brought two children into our marriage, ages 7 and 14. Jack says he doesn't want to be a father or grandfather. (We have three grandchildren.) I am scared to question why it is like this.

Am I a terrible mother/grandmother? Does this mean he doesn't really love me since my children are a part of me? I want to be a grandmother and enjoy my grandchildren. He knew I had kids when we were dating, but both of them lived with relatives at the time because of custody issues. -- SAD GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR SAD GRANDMA: It isn't that Jack doesn't love you. He appears to be so preoccupied with his own needs, desires and controlling you that he probably doesn't think about much else. That you are "scared" to question him speaks volumes about your relationship.

If you want to be a part of your children's and grandchildren's lives, you will have to do so without his blessing or participation. You will also have to strengthen your backbone and emancipate yourself.

DEAR ABBY: One of my neighbors regularly uses power equipment before 9 a.m. on Saturday mornings. I think people should refrain from using loud machinery before 10 a.m. on weekends. Am I being unreasonable? -- DEB IN TACOMA

DEAR DEB: Not in my book. Most municipalities have noise ordinances in place that regulate sound levels that might become an annoyance. To find out if there is one in your neighborhood, inquire at City Hall. If there isn't, consider gathering signatures on a petition so regulations can be established. You may not be the only neighbor who is bothered by the disruption.

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print letters about acts of kindness, and I'd like to relate one I witnessed:

I was working as a cashier in a grocery store. An elderly woman came through my line with about 10 items in her basket, including some strawberries and shortcakes. Making small talk, I commented on how nice the berries looked. She agreed, and informed me that they were a little treat for herself. She said she didn't have much on her late husband's pension.

When I told her the total, her face fell and she asked me to take the strawberries and shortcakes off because she couldn't afford them. I was sad and embarrassed for her. I thought about buying them myself, but had no cash on me and wasn't sure if it might violate a store policy. She paid for the remainder of her items and went outside to rest on a bench before walking home.

I began scanning the next customer's items while trying to put out of my mind the sadness I felt at the lady's disappointment. My customer asked me why the lady hadn't taken her strawberries. I explained and continued totaling the woman's sale.

The woman then told me to include the strawberries -- not for herself, but for the lady outside. She wanted no praise or thanks and asked me to give them to the lady.

I took them to the lady on the bench and explained that the woman in line behind her had purchased them for her. She looked down at the strawberries, tucked them into her bag and began to cry, murmuring about the kindness of strangers. I went back inside and had to explain to the next 15 minutes' worth of customers in my line why I was crying.

The woman who bought the strawberries never saw how grateful the lady was, nor how touched I was, or my co-workers and other customers were -- not only by her kindness, but her humility in making her gift anonymous. She affected so many people that day, I hope those reading this letter will affect and influence many more. -- INDIANA READER

DEAR INDIANA READER: Thank you for a sweet and uplifting letter. I'm sure it will stimulate others to consider how they, too, can help those who are less fortunate than themselves.

DEAR ABBY: Because many women have stopped wearing pantyhose or stockings when they go out on a dinner date or formal function, would it be a fair turnaround for me to put on a three-piece suit and tie and not wear any socks? I'd appreciate your thoughts, please. -- SOCKLESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SOCKLESS: Women who forgo pantyhose or stockings in hot weather usually do it because they're wearing strappy sandals or open-toed summer footwear. Hosiery doesn't look right with them. I have seen men -- at least on the West Coast -- wear T-shirts under their sport coats and go barefoot in their loafers. But I have never seen a man don a three-piece suit and tie and go sockless. (And I never hope to.) I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in two months, but my question isn't about weddings. My question is, how can a woman ensure a lasting marriage? -- ABOUT TO BECOME A MRS.

DEAR ABOUT TO BECOME A MRS.: At a women's networking event years ago, my mother was asked that question. She replied, "One good rule is never go to bed angry." (I agree.)

Phyllis Diller was there and topped her. "Right!" she said. "Stay up and fight until you're exhausted. You'll sleep better!"