DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are women in our late 40s and early 50s. Some of us are married, some are single. Individually or as a group we have taken classes, volunteered, gone on cruises, gone to clubs and bars -- you name it.

We have noticed that nearly everyone at these activities is either female or with a female as part of a couple. There are loads of single middle-aged women out there joining things and having fun, but there seem to be almost no single middle-aged men. Friends in various parts of the country report the same thing.

Where do the single men go? They rarely go out alone or with a male buddy. Our running joke is they're all home watching bad cable TV. Middle-aged guys must be there somewhere, but where? You'd think that if they wanted to meet women, they'd go where women are, but we rarely see them. Can you solve this mystery for us? -- WHERE THE BOYS AREN'T, NORTHERN WYOMING

DEAR WHERE THE BOYS AREN'T: Part of your problem may be that most of the males in your age group are already married. I don't recommend looking for eligible men in clubs and bars because the ones who go there are usually looking for younger women.

I do suggest volunteering because it offers an opportunity to expand one's circle of acquaintances, and even if you don't meet a man there, you might meet a woman who knows someone who is eligible. I caution women who are looking for companionship not to "hunt in packs" because some men find the idea of approaching a group of women to be daunting.

The pool you're fishing in appears to be small. Have you considered looking online for men in other communities in your state? You will increase your odds of success by putting yourselves "out there" because most relationships begin as the result of luck and timing.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for two years. We're talking about marriage, but there is a problem. He has his ex's name tattooed on his backside and it's starting to bother me. I offered to pay to have it removed, but he doesn't want it off. Do I stay with him and try to get over it, or break up with him and find someone else? Help me! -- REALLY CONFUSED GIRL IN COLORADO

DEAR REALLY CONFUSED: Removing a tattoo can be expensive, time-consuming and painful. If the only deal-breaker in your relationship is the tattoo, consider asking him to turn the other cheek and have your name placed opposite his ex's so you will have equal billing. A large "X" could be inked over the ex's name if it would make you feel better.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a debate between my fiance and me. He contends that when we're in a restaurant, it is impolite to say to your server, "I will have ..." and insists that the request should be, "May I have ... ?"

I was raised to believe that either statement would be acceptable. What say you? -- QUERY-CONSCIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR Q.C.: If the server asks you, "What'll you have?" it's perfectly acceptable to respond, "I'll have ..." However, "May I have ..." sounds more refined.

If this is the only complaint your fiance can come up with, he's a lucky man and should count his blessings.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please remind your many readers that the greatest gift we can give to America's fallen is the gift of remembrance? The legacy of those who have died for our freedom -- from the Revolutionary War to the present -- is something that strengthens and unites Americans. I would like every child to say, "I know why I am free, and I know who died for my freedom."

Since 1997, Major League Baseball has stopped all games in progress at 3 p.m. on Memorial Day to observe the National Moment of Remembrance. The umpire steps out from home plate, removes his mask, and halts the game so that everyone can pause. The crowd rises as one with hands over their hearts. Along with MLB, the Ironworkers, Sheet Metal Workers and firefighters unions, American Veterans Center, the National Cartoonists Society and Bugles Across America observe the Moment, too.

We encourage all citizens to make every day Memorial Day in their hearts, but especially on Memorial Day itself. May the love of country always bond Americans together. For all of the fallen, let us continue to make this nation one great American family in spirit. To learn more, please go to www.ngl.org. -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: I'm printing your reminder in advance of Memorial Day so that readers can plan ahead for it. I know many of them will be interested in observing it.

Readers, wherever you are at 3 p.m. local time on Monday, May 28, won't you join me in pausing for the National Moment of Remembrance and honoring those brave individuals who died for us? And when you do, make a commitment to give back to our country in their memory by putting your remembrance into action.

DEAR ABBY: My parents were married 25 years. When Dad died last year, Mom was devastated. Then she got in touch with an old flame. She told us they were just friends. A few months later, she informed us she was moving across the country with him for a "mutually beneficial situation." He gives her a place to stay, and she takes care of his house and the bills. She called recently to tell me that she has loved him since she was young and they are now getting married.

I'm worried because she has jumped into this so quickly. When they marry, Dad will have been gone not quite a year. I feel she is showing lack of respect for my father's memory and their marriage by doing this so soon. Should I be worried about her, or just happy she has found "love" again? -- DREADING THE WEDDING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DREADING THE WEDDING: While the man your mother is marrying is a stranger to you, he is obviously no stranger to her. They have a history that pre-dates your father. Going on with her life is not disrespectful to your father's memory. Be happy for your mother and cross your fingers that everything works out for her the way she wishes. Worrying about her will help neither of you.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Ruth" and I spent most holidays dining out together after our families grew up and left home. Ruth died last year and her daughter "Lara" began inviting me for holidays "so I wouldn't be alone." I have tried to decline, but she persists. She insists that I should be with her instead of with friends, although her plans are always tentative and often change at the last minute.

Last Christmas she invited me to a community holiday dinner at 2 p.m. with her friends. At the last minute she called to say we'd be dining at her house in the evening instead, which meant I spent the entire day alone doing nothing. The dinner was grim because they were arguing.

At Easter, Lara called saying plans were "up in the air." At noon on Easter day, she called to say her husband's sister was visiting and they planned to hike in the state park and have a picnic -- something that I physically cannot do. She said they planned to have dinner for me "sometime soon." So, once again, I spent the holiday alone.

Should I call Lara and tell her exactly how I feel, or just write a script for the next time she calls? -- HAD IT IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR HAD IT: If you'd prefer to spend the holidays with friends instead of being reminded of sad memories and feeling obligated, you should decline Lara's future invitations. If your niece pressures you, explain that you have already made plans with friends.

Although her heart may be in the right place, from your description of your niece's social skills, they leave much to be desired. Do not allow her to make you feel guilty and change your mind. Your feelings are valid.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old single male with a job I enjoy. Last June, a cousin who is close to my age married for the second time. He married a girl 20 years younger whom he had known less than six months.

Although I was unable to attend the wedding, I sent them a nice card with a generous cash gift. I never received a thank-you note for it and although I was offended, I overlooked their rudeness.

Six weeks later, my cousin's new bride called my place of employment and left an "emergency" message to phone her. (She left a second one with a neighbor of mine.) Very worried and not knowing what to expect, I called her immediately.

The "emergency" turned out to be a request for a loan of $500. I was angry but tried not to show it. After thinking about it, I agreed to the loan, although my cousin's wife had hinted that I should give them a larger amount. We agreed on a repayment plan.

I had misgivings about helping them, but somehow my aunt -- my cousin's mother -- became involved. She kept insisting I lend them the money. (They were living with her at the time.)

It has been more than eight months and they have made no effort to pay me back. To make matters worse, they avoid me. My aunt acts as though it's all right for them to treat me this way. I am angry, hurt and feel my trust has been betrayed. What do you think I should do now? -- USED IN MISSOURI

DEAR USED: I think you should write off the loan and thank your lucky stars that you weren't conned into giving this deadbeat couple more money. If you are asked for more -- which isn't out of the realm of possibility -- you can now say, "No, because you didn't repay the first loan I gave you." Think about it. You may have gotten off cheap.